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[Jaskier had been counting down the days until Christmas would arrive. Unlike most who keep careful track of the days until the holiday, Jaskier's growing excitement and burgeoning impatience had very little to do with the day itself relative to the prospect of more time being spent with Tech. Not to say Christmas didn't serve some purpose in elevating it to be more than just any ordinary day, of course. It was to be their first Christmas together and that meant something. To Jaskier at least. And he'd like to believe it meant something to Tech, too. But even if this were to be the absence of a holiday, Jaskier doesn't believe he'd be any less excited to see Tech for a meaningful length of time again. In fact, that prospect seems entirely impossible to his mind.]
[They hadn't spoken and they hadn't seen one another, but it feels wrong in hindsight to say that month had been one of nothing between their first meeting and their reunion. In that time, Jaskier completed his first composition for Tech while Tech created and sculpted his forest of lights for Jaskier. So, while there was little arguing there'd been a separation, there was also little arguing something else hadn't persevered in spite of it. That something else complicated their reunion, of course, but it also made it feel more like a true beginning than their meeting in the maze had been. With the earnestness of their feelings, there had been a clumsiness, a sense of near-disaster that reared its ugly head more than a few times, but they were honest. But they were honest. They were honest and whatever lingering doubts there had been dissipated, and Jaskier felt seen while Tech felt heard, and it finally felt like they had even footing with one another. For Tech, Jaskier imagines it was the beginning of a new chapter, but he knows with certainty that this is the beginning of their story for him.]
[So, of course, he's excited. And no matter how foolish it's felt at times, he's caught himself on more than one occasion staring longingly at his device and just barely resisting the urge to come up with literally anything he might say to prompt a conversation. There's always a little flutter in his chest when sorting through his clothes and he happens upon the sweater again that Jaskier could swear somehow managed to pick up some of Tech's scent and hold onto it. Never mind how many times he's returned to the beginnings of their song, trying whatever musical phrases he comes up with in private experimentation so he can present Tech with whatever ends up being best.]
[And Christmas simply couldn't come sooner.]
[When the day finally arrives and Tech finds himself in Jaskier's space, there are probably very few surprises to be found. As was the case for most homes in Willow, there were only a few touches of modernity to be found throughout Jaskier's home. With the majority of electricity within the house going to the overhead lights and the quite modest refrigerator, the rest of Jaskier's home looks far more akin to those he's familiar with from his own world than anything else.]
[Jaskier moved the table that serves both as a place to eat and a desk for writing (if some of the ink stains were any indication) a bit from its original position at the very center of the room and closer in the direction of the space that serves as both the pantry and kitchen to be closer to the hearth. It's less for the purposes of more heat—the fire there has very little trouble warming the whole house given the house itself is not terribly large—and more for the better lighting both from the fire and one of the warm bulbs above. Still, Jaskier has gone to the trouble of placing a lantern at the center of the table just in case with all the wreath-making supplies in neat little piles around the table.]
[But it's likely what's opposite the kitchen and hearth that speaks more to being so very much Jaskier's space as the kitchen seems almost untouched with how little Jaskier's made use of it for himself. In the alcove beneath the loft serving as his bedroom sits in a built-in daybed covered in pillows and an oversized throw that's been haphazardly tossed over it. It's likely not all that difficult to envision a groggy Jaskier making it down the small spiral staircase from his bedroom to only take a nap there once the fire was stoked back to life. At least until the sun managed to peek through the window behind the daybed, in any case. Or perhaps if not taking an additional nap to wake in his own time, it wouldn't seem all that odd to think of Jaskier idly strumming his lute as he sat with his legs thrown over one of the arms of the highback armchair placed in one of the "corners" of the space until a fit of inspiration overtook and he stumbled out of the chair to go write down his brilliance. The lute itself, after all, sits propped up carefully in one of the built-in bookcases nearby. Resting against the wall next to it sits the shelves Jaskier had to remove to make room for the lute. Or it would be reasonable to assume that in a fit of restlessness and boredom, Jaskier takes to sprawling out on the rug with one of the few books he's decided to purchase to see if it's worth reading. (It would come as likely very little surprise to Tech that the books that are stacked unevenly across two shelves rather than neatly arranged are more purchases made to fill out the space and avoid such barren shelves than something Jaskier's decided he wants to read.) If it passes the test, the hours likely fly by before he even realizes it. If not, he may very well just let sleep take him right there.]
[Regardless of what it is Jaskier could hypothetically get up to in that space, it's easy to see the traces of his life there more than anywhere else that Tech's immediately privy to upon entering.]
[Not that he's able to take much of it in immediately once Jaskier lets him inside. The bard is too quick to offer a kiss in greeting after he's closed the door behind Tech.]
I missed you.
[Jaskier doesn't feel an ounce of embarrassment or self-consciousness in admitting as much even if it was nothing like before with the silence that fell after their first meeting. He still thought about Tech enough since that night in the forest, he still tempered himself enough to not seem overeager by concocting any excuse for Tech to come over that it was still sincere. He wanted to see Tech sooner and more often than what ended up happening, and the intervening time felt at once dilated and contracted all at once.]
[He missed him.]
[But even with as much as Jaskier missed him, he does, at least, move out of Tech's space enough to let him get out of his coat rather than giving in to the impulse to just stand there kissing him or holding him. Or, well, he does after one more kiss. Jaskier is only human, after all. He can't be faulted for wanting at least a quick peck before he surrendered Tech's space back to him.]
[They hadn't spoken and they hadn't seen one another, but it feels wrong in hindsight to say that month had been one of nothing between their first meeting and their reunion. In that time, Jaskier completed his first composition for Tech while Tech created and sculpted his forest of lights for Jaskier. So, while there was little arguing there'd been a separation, there was also little arguing something else hadn't persevered in spite of it. That something else complicated their reunion, of course, but it also made it feel more like a true beginning than their meeting in the maze had been. With the earnestness of their feelings, there had been a clumsiness, a sense of near-disaster that reared its ugly head more than a few times, but they were honest. But they were honest. They were honest and whatever lingering doubts there had been dissipated, and Jaskier felt seen while Tech felt heard, and it finally felt like they had even footing with one another. For Tech, Jaskier imagines it was the beginning of a new chapter, but he knows with certainty that this is the beginning of their story for him.]
[So, of course, he's excited. And no matter how foolish it's felt at times, he's caught himself on more than one occasion staring longingly at his device and just barely resisting the urge to come up with literally anything he might say to prompt a conversation. There's always a little flutter in his chest when sorting through his clothes and he happens upon the sweater again that Jaskier could swear somehow managed to pick up some of Tech's scent and hold onto it. Never mind how many times he's returned to the beginnings of their song, trying whatever musical phrases he comes up with in private experimentation so he can present Tech with whatever ends up being best.]
[And Christmas simply couldn't come sooner.]
[When the day finally arrives and Tech finds himself in Jaskier's space, there are probably very few surprises to be found. As was the case for most homes in Willow, there were only a few touches of modernity to be found throughout Jaskier's home. With the majority of electricity within the house going to the overhead lights and the quite modest refrigerator, the rest of Jaskier's home looks far more akin to those he's familiar with from his own world than anything else.]
[Jaskier moved the table that serves both as a place to eat and a desk for writing (if some of the ink stains were any indication) a bit from its original position at the very center of the room and closer in the direction of the space that serves as both the pantry and kitchen to be closer to the hearth. It's less for the purposes of more heat—the fire there has very little trouble warming the whole house given the house itself is not terribly large—and more for the better lighting both from the fire and one of the warm bulbs above. Still, Jaskier has gone to the trouble of placing a lantern at the center of the table just in case with all the wreath-making supplies in neat little piles around the table.]
[But it's likely what's opposite the kitchen and hearth that speaks more to being so very much Jaskier's space as the kitchen seems almost untouched with how little Jaskier's made use of it for himself. In the alcove beneath the loft serving as his bedroom sits in a built-in daybed covered in pillows and an oversized throw that's been haphazardly tossed over it. It's likely not all that difficult to envision a groggy Jaskier making it down the small spiral staircase from his bedroom to only take a nap there once the fire was stoked back to life. At least until the sun managed to peek through the window behind the daybed, in any case. Or perhaps if not taking an additional nap to wake in his own time, it wouldn't seem all that odd to think of Jaskier idly strumming his lute as he sat with his legs thrown over one of the arms of the highback armchair placed in one of the "corners" of the space until a fit of inspiration overtook and he stumbled out of the chair to go write down his brilliance. The lute itself, after all, sits propped up carefully in one of the built-in bookcases nearby. Resting against the wall next to it sits the shelves Jaskier had to remove to make room for the lute. Or it would be reasonable to assume that in a fit of restlessness and boredom, Jaskier takes to sprawling out on the rug with one of the few books he's decided to purchase to see if it's worth reading. (It would come as likely very little surprise to Tech that the books that are stacked unevenly across two shelves rather than neatly arranged are more purchases made to fill out the space and avoid such barren shelves than something Jaskier's decided he wants to read.) If it passes the test, the hours likely fly by before he even realizes it. If not, he may very well just let sleep take him right there.]
[Regardless of what it is Jaskier could hypothetically get up to in that space, it's easy to see the traces of his life there more than anywhere else that Tech's immediately privy to upon entering.]
[Not that he's able to take much of it in immediately once Jaskier lets him inside. The bard is too quick to offer a kiss in greeting after he's closed the door behind Tech.]
I missed you.
[Jaskier doesn't feel an ounce of embarrassment or self-consciousness in admitting as much even if it was nothing like before with the silence that fell after their first meeting. He still thought about Tech enough since that night in the forest, he still tempered himself enough to not seem overeager by concocting any excuse for Tech to come over that it was still sincere. He wanted to see Tech sooner and more often than what ended up happening, and the intervening time felt at once dilated and contracted all at once.]
[He missed him.]
[But even with as much as Jaskier missed him, he does, at least, move out of Tech's space enough to let him get out of his coat rather than giving in to the impulse to just stand there kissing him or holding him. Or, well, he does after one more kiss. Jaskier is only human, after all. He can't be faulted for wanting at least a quick peck before he surrendered Tech's space back to him.]
[ Tech Boy had been preparing for this a couple days in advance, making himself pretty scarce as he put together a modest (but still entirely from scratch) meal to emulate a Thanksgiving dinner. There was a small turkey, homemade stuffing, fresh rolls, mashed potatoes and veggies to roast. The turkey and veggies he planned on preparing at Jaskier's because he wanted to make a fresh gravy from the drippings, but everything else only needed warmed. And the only thing he cheated with was picking up an apple pie from the local bakery because he figured they would do far better with it than he ever could.
Needless to say, he brings a lot with him to Jaskier's place -- but he doesn't carry it all. Oh no. He's the god of technology. And the motto of technology is always work smarter, not harder. So there's a drone hovering beside him, doing the heavy lifting. ]
Yo. Merry Christmas.
[ He greets when Jaskier opens the door and the drone sets its package at the entryway before it zooms off -- presumably heading back to Tech's home to await further instruction. In the meantime, Tech picks up the bag and heads in -- indulging in kiss one and kiss two before he untangles from Jaskier to head toward the kitchen and immediately start making himself at home. ]
I didn't know what we were doing for food, so I thought I'd bring a little something.
[ A little something, he says as he unpacks big tin trays that would feed four or more people. But this might also be Tech...mother henning over Jaskier. After all, he prepared a lot because he knows Jaskier eats a lot but also he wants to leave him with leftovers. He worries the bard might not be properly feeding himself -- especially not if he's relying on taverns and restaurants. So this will be an easy way for him to eat for a couple of days if he's too tired or lazy to make the journey all the way to town. Just heat it up and he's good to go. Or....he could always eat it cold if he didn't want to go to the extra step of waiting for it to be heated.
Either way, Tech gets to work spatchcocking the turkey with Jaskier's limited kitchen tools so it will cook faster and more evenly (it's all the internet rage that this is the best way to cook a turkey, after all!) and then gets it set up in the oven, washing his hands following and finally giving Jaskier his full focus. ]
I got you a gift. It's not much, but...
[ Tech takes out a neatly wrapped package from a different bag. He offers it over to Jaskier. Inside is a leatherbound notebook with straps to tie around it and keep it closed as well as a tiny box with a burgundy and gold trimmed fountain pen -- personalized with the first few notes of the song Jaskier sang for him in the woods. As much of the phrase as could fit on the length of the pen. Jaskier could think of him whenever he writes with it -- that's the hope anyway. ]
Needless to say, he brings a lot with him to Jaskier's place -- but he doesn't carry it all. Oh no. He's the god of technology. And the motto of technology is always work smarter, not harder. So there's a drone hovering beside him, doing the heavy lifting. ]
Yo. Merry Christmas.
[ He greets when Jaskier opens the door and the drone sets its package at the entryway before it zooms off -- presumably heading back to Tech's home to await further instruction. In the meantime, Tech picks up the bag and heads in -- indulging in kiss one and kiss two before he untangles from Jaskier to head toward the kitchen and immediately start making himself at home. ]
I didn't know what we were doing for food, so I thought I'd bring a little something.
[ A little something, he says as he unpacks big tin trays that would feed four or more people. But this might also be Tech...mother henning over Jaskier. After all, he prepared a lot because he knows Jaskier eats a lot but also he wants to leave him with leftovers. He worries the bard might not be properly feeding himself -- especially not if he's relying on taverns and restaurants. So this will be an easy way for him to eat for a couple of days if he's too tired or lazy to make the journey all the way to town. Just heat it up and he's good to go. Or....he could always eat it cold if he didn't want to go to the extra step of waiting for it to be heated.
Either way, Tech gets to work spatchcocking the turkey with Jaskier's limited kitchen tools so it will cook faster and more evenly (it's all the internet rage that this is the best way to cook a turkey, after all!) and then gets it set up in the oven, washing his hands following and finally giving Jaskier his full focus. ]
I got you a gift. It's not much, but...
[ Tech takes out a neatly wrapped package from a different bag. He offers it over to Jaskier. Inside is a leatherbound notebook with straps to tie around it and keep it closed as well as a tiny box with a burgundy and gold trimmed fountain pen -- personalized with the first few notes of the song Jaskier sang for him in the woods. As much of the phrase as could fit on the length of the pen. Jaskier could think of him whenever he writes with it -- that's the hope anyway. ]
[Jaskier trusts when Tech says he brought a little something with him for food, it was genuinely going to be a little something. Even with the presence of the drone, Jaskier doesn't begin to suspect that might be a bit of an understatement. But as one sizeable tin makes its way onto Jaskier's somewhat limited counter space, he starts to regard the claim with more suspicion. While Tech is busying himself with spatchcocking the turkey, Jaskier is taking a peek at the other trays to see what else he's brought and just how much. Jaskier doesn't call Tech out on the minimization of him having brought a feast fit to feed a family rather than just the pair of them, but that's perhaps an even exchange if Tech doesn't make any comment about the roll that happens to go missing from its brethren under such mysterious circumstances. Of course, Jaskier is entirely unaware of how likely that seems normal to Tech, unaware that this proclivity to thieve food before the meal is finished and it's time to eat shall end up one that persists throughout the intervening decades.]
[Evidence of the crime is being brushed away by the time Tech presents the carefully wrapped gift. This time, Jaskier is significantly less trusting of Tech's claim that it's not much and the expression on Jaskier's face conveys nearly as much when he accepts it. Granted, Jaskier doesn't imagine such a modestly sized package could possibly be as grand as the last time Tech gave him a present, but even so. He has a difficult time imagining that Tech would give him anything without any thought put into it, which would make the present not all that much as he claims. And his doubts are proven almost immediately correct! Jaskier's expression brightens the moment he lays eyes on the notebook while with the pen, there's a soft gasp of recognition for the notes.]
It's not much, he says, [Jaskier says with a wrinkle of his nose without being able to stifle an ounce of his smile when he looks to Tech again. He informs Tech of how wrong he is much in the same tone that a child might when refusing to share something that others are immediately and inherently envious of another possessing,] It's beautiful.
[So there. Go on and continue talking shit about his new fancy pen and notebook, Tech. You won't be allowed to touch them! And instead of getting to play with them, he's going to have to suffer another kiss. Woe be unto this god of technology as a consequence for his actions! This one, however, comes over the top and with Jaskier throwing an arm around Tech so he can place a hand on the cheek opposite of the one he kisses. Coming from anyone else, the kiss would likely be just obnoxious, but from Jaskier? Well, it's still a bit obnoxious—as it's meant to be—but there's an earnestness to such effusive affection. He's shooed off easily at least. Not without Jaskier playfully mussing up Tech's hair first with a laugh as he takes back his arm, but he knocks it off with enough swats or pushes all the same.]
[Evidence of the crime is being brushed away by the time Tech presents the carefully wrapped gift. This time, Jaskier is significantly less trusting of Tech's claim that it's not much and the expression on Jaskier's face conveys nearly as much when he accepts it. Granted, Jaskier doesn't imagine such a modestly sized package could possibly be as grand as the last time Tech gave him a present, but even so. He has a difficult time imagining that Tech would give him anything without any thought put into it, which would make the present not all that much as he claims. And his doubts are proven almost immediately correct! Jaskier's expression brightens the moment he lays eyes on the notebook while with the pen, there's a soft gasp of recognition for the notes.]
It's not much, he says, [Jaskier says with a wrinkle of his nose without being able to stifle an ounce of his smile when he looks to Tech again. He informs Tech of how wrong he is much in the same tone that a child might when refusing to share something that others are immediately and inherently envious of another possessing,] It's beautiful.
[So there. Go on and continue talking shit about his new fancy pen and notebook, Tech. You won't be allowed to touch them! And instead of getting to play with them, he's going to have to suffer another kiss. Woe be unto this god of technology as a consequence for his actions! This one, however, comes over the top and with Jaskier throwing an arm around Tech so he can place a hand on the cheek opposite of the one he kisses. Coming from anyone else, the kiss would likely be just obnoxious, but from Jaskier? Well, it's still a bit obnoxious—as it's meant to be—but there's an earnestness to such effusive affection. He's shooed off easily at least. Not without Jaskier playfully mussing up Tech's hair first with a laugh as he takes back his arm, but he knocks it off with enough swats or pushes all the same.]
[ It's not much, Tech would insist as someone who would prefer spoiling his partners with elaborate jewels and too expensive trinkets. Even the display in the woods was more of that homemade gift vibe rather than something rich and flaunted. But these are the sorts of things he knows Jaskier appreciates more -- because yes. Obviously, Jaskier loves fancy, material objects and finery, but Tech thinks Jaskier also loves presents from the heart more. And here, Tech isn't rich because he's a god who can fill his bank accounts or hack any ATM with a blink of an eye. He's only as wealthy as his socialization -- which puts him squarely on a middle line. He talks, he has companions, but he's not throwing parties or going out of his way to meet people. So his presents for Jaskier, until he's able to save up enough for that lute, have to be all heart and less expense.
Tech makes a little sound that's one half groan at the theatrics and one half laugh -- both of which get swallowed into the kiss Jaskier plants on his lips. And when Jaskier musses with his hair upon being eased away, Tech reaches up to tame it back down with a mild huff. ]
Well, I just thought you could use it for jotting down ideas for songs...and um. When you use the pen, you could think of me?
[ He says and then immediately feels self-conscious for saying it, tapping his fingers together and glancing to the floorboards uncertainly. Isn't that some arrogant bullshit to want to be in someone else's thoughts so he gave him a present to make sure Jaskier would at least think of him for two seconds when he picked up the pen or put it to his lip or chewed on the cap when he thought of his next musical phrase? He supposes he'll never be able to chase that one aspect of his godhood out of him -- wanting to be the center of someone's thoughts as long as they would allow. ]
But I missed you too, by the way. I got one of the photos I took of us blown up into a print and I don't know if you wanted a copy or anything, but I brought it in case you do.
[ The final item he produces is an envelope of an 8x10. It doesn't have a frame or anything, but it's a picture of them in the morning at the inn. It would have been in the sunlight if Wintermute wasn't in its period of darkness, but it was right before they got breakfast -- taken in the warm cozy room. They're still in bed, but dressed at least and Tech is wearing a bright smile while Jaskier looks content...but perhaps still sleepy and on the verge of drifting back off. The angle of them is beautiful, though. Or maybe Tech is just biased because he can only see something beautiful when it comes to him and Jaskier. All the same, Tech finally shrugs off his coat and finds an appropriate spot to hang it before taking out a phone and turning on a timer for the turkey. He slides that back into his pocket, glancing toward Jaskier. ]
We got about an hour and forty-five minutes before I gotta get up and deal with the bird. You wanna start making wreaths or should we wait for that until after dinner?
Tech makes a little sound that's one half groan at the theatrics and one half laugh -- both of which get swallowed into the kiss Jaskier plants on his lips. And when Jaskier musses with his hair upon being eased away, Tech reaches up to tame it back down with a mild huff. ]
Well, I just thought you could use it for jotting down ideas for songs...and um. When you use the pen, you could think of me?
[ He says and then immediately feels self-conscious for saying it, tapping his fingers together and glancing to the floorboards uncertainly. Isn't that some arrogant bullshit to want to be in someone else's thoughts so he gave him a present to make sure Jaskier would at least think of him for two seconds when he picked up the pen or put it to his lip or chewed on the cap when he thought of his next musical phrase? He supposes he'll never be able to chase that one aspect of his godhood out of him -- wanting to be the center of someone's thoughts as long as they would allow. ]
But I missed you too, by the way. I got one of the photos I took of us blown up into a print and I don't know if you wanted a copy or anything, but I brought it in case you do.
[ The final item he produces is an envelope of an 8x10. It doesn't have a frame or anything, but it's a picture of them in the morning at the inn. It would have been in the sunlight if Wintermute wasn't in its period of darkness, but it was right before they got breakfast -- taken in the warm cozy room. They're still in bed, but dressed at least and Tech is wearing a bright smile while Jaskier looks content...but perhaps still sleepy and on the verge of drifting back off. The angle of them is beautiful, though. Or maybe Tech is just biased because he can only see something beautiful when it comes to him and Jaskier. All the same, Tech finally shrugs off his coat and finds an appropriate spot to hang it before taking out a phone and turning on a timer for the turkey. He slides that back into his pocket, glancing toward Jaskier. ]
We got about an hour and forty-five minutes before I gotta get up and deal with the bird. You wanna start making wreaths or should we wait for that until after dinner?
[Jaskier tries to suppress the grin that forms on his face at Tech's confession as to the motivation for the pen. Or, well, it doesn't seem so much a confession to Jaskier necessarily—honestly, it feels a natural conclusion more than anything else—but the way Tech says it certainly makes it feel as though it were a guilty little thing he must admit to instead. Unfortunately, Jaskier's not all that talented at masking such a smile and there's a glint in his eye that Tech would be correct in thinking some form of teasing might soon follow. Except that it never comes. Jaskier lets it be entirely first out of genuine mercy in not wanting to make fun of Tech or make him feel as though Jaskier is belittling his feelings any, and then because he's immediately distracted when presented with the envelope.]
[While Tech is busy with setting timers and finally shedding his coat, Jaskier sets aside both pen and notebook onto the remaining counter space to have a look at it. He crinkles his nose a little because gods, one of these days, they're going to need to take a picture together wherein Jaskier is a little more awake and alert. (Granted, it's not nearly as bad as the one Tech took during their first sunrise together. At least, that's what Jaskier speculates since he hasn't seen that one and hasn't asked to see it.) But there's still a fond smile all the same at the photo, a warm feeling settling in his chest over the memory. Glancing at Tech, Jaskier can't help but feel that impulse of suggesting another way to spend their time until dinner. But as physically affectionate as Jaskier is, he doesn't want Tech to misconstrue this thing they have as being a romp or, worse yet, a purely sexual thing between them. He tucks the photograph back into its envelope, gathering up the notebook and pen.]
We can start with the wreaths. Have a seat while I put these away, [he says, gesturing with the gifts in his hand. Although he does wait a moment for Tech to pass him by to sneak a quick peck to Tech's cheek before separating to do as he said he would. The notebook and pen find a place on the bottom shelf right next to his lute where they will be within easy reach rather than stacked alongside the other books. As for the photograph, Jaskier disappears up the staircase to his bedroom for a moment. Without a frame, it's tucked away in a nightstand drawer for now where Jaskier knows it will be kept safe.]
[He doesn't return empty-handed though. He stops to open the chest at the foot of his bed and removes a wrapped parcel that's been neatly wrapped as well to bring downstairs with him.]
I know you said you wanted me to think of you when I use the pen, but the, uh... [Jaskier's gaze flicks down to the floor briefly, which he feels a bit silly for doing as much. It's not as though this is any real grand reveal after all! Not after the night they had in Wintermute when everything that couldn't be said in words had been spoken into existence through every touch and caress until the very notion such vulnerability had been terrifying to either of them seemed foolish in of itself. But that sort of physical intimacy comes easier to Jaskier than words necessarily right now. Not when words can and so often do mean so much even more than the speaker sometimes even intends. And he does intend a lot right now in speaking them. But Jaskier steels himself and finds his courage.] The truth is, I don't need a pen for that.
[He offers the gift then, letting Tech take it before he settles in the seat nearest to him. Jaskier tries his very best not to watch Tech in opening it. At least not to the point where it probably feels like he's being stared at. But there is a little nervous fidget of Jaskier's that emerges as he picks up a sprig of spruce to twirl between his fingers and he worries his lower lip. Inside the parcel is a book no larger than Tech's hand for the purposes of easy portability filled cover to cover with poems. Poems that Jaskier painstakingly copied down in a neatness Tech's likely never witnessed from Jaskier before. Not to say that Jaskier's penmanship wasn't always impeccable—his tutors from his youth saw to it that his handwriting was always legible and he could never be accused of laziness— but unlike his writing in his notebooks, Jaskier's lines are even and spaced as perfectly as a human hand could possibly create. A few of those poems within, Jaskier wrote himself and are signed as much, but the majority come from other authors that Jaskier properly credits. Not that the names would or should mean anything to Tech. They are, after all, all people that exist purely within Jaskier's world, not in Tech's, but just as Jaskier would never want his name forgotten, he knows the poets who've managed to captivate his attention would likely want the same.]
[Jaskier doesn't hold any expectation that Tech will read any of the poems in-depth right now, but he hopes Tech recognizes they're not just a random assortment of Jaskier's favorite poems from a glance. Much as they might range in tone and length, all the poems return to that central theme of something so simple and so complex as love. But if he doesn't, Jaskier's not too worried he won't realize it later. Among his own poems included, Jaskier was certain to include the lyrics to Where I'll Be. When Tech finds that hidden among the rest, surely then he'll know, Jaskier thinks. Surely then.]
[While Tech is busy with setting timers and finally shedding his coat, Jaskier sets aside both pen and notebook onto the remaining counter space to have a look at it. He crinkles his nose a little because gods, one of these days, they're going to need to take a picture together wherein Jaskier is a little more awake and alert. (Granted, it's not nearly as bad as the one Tech took during their first sunrise together. At least, that's what Jaskier speculates since he hasn't seen that one and hasn't asked to see it.) But there's still a fond smile all the same at the photo, a warm feeling settling in his chest over the memory. Glancing at Tech, Jaskier can't help but feel that impulse of suggesting another way to spend their time until dinner. But as physically affectionate as Jaskier is, he doesn't want Tech to misconstrue this thing they have as being a romp or, worse yet, a purely sexual thing between them. He tucks the photograph back into its envelope, gathering up the notebook and pen.]
We can start with the wreaths. Have a seat while I put these away, [he says, gesturing with the gifts in his hand. Although he does wait a moment for Tech to pass him by to sneak a quick peck to Tech's cheek before separating to do as he said he would. The notebook and pen find a place on the bottom shelf right next to his lute where they will be within easy reach rather than stacked alongside the other books. As for the photograph, Jaskier disappears up the staircase to his bedroom for a moment. Without a frame, it's tucked away in a nightstand drawer for now where Jaskier knows it will be kept safe.]
[He doesn't return empty-handed though. He stops to open the chest at the foot of his bed and removes a wrapped parcel that's been neatly wrapped as well to bring downstairs with him.]
I know you said you wanted me to think of you when I use the pen, but the, uh... [Jaskier's gaze flicks down to the floor briefly, which he feels a bit silly for doing as much. It's not as though this is any real grand reveal after all! Not after the night they had in Wintermute when everything that couldn't be said in words had been spoken into existence through every touch and caress until the very notion such vulnerability had been terrifying to either of them seemed foolish in of itself. But that sort of physical intimacy comes easier to Jaskier than words necessarily right now. Not when words can and so often do mean so much even more than the speaker sometimes even intends. And he does intend a lot right now in speaking them. But Jaskier steels himself and finds his courage.] The truth is, I don't need a pen for that.
[He offers the gift then, letting Tech take it before he settles in the seat nearest to him. Jaskier tries his very best not to watch Tech in opening it. At least not to the point where it probably feels like he's being stared at. But there is a little nervous fidget of Jaskier's that emerges as he picks up a sprig of spruce to twirl between his fingers and he worries his lower lip. Inside the parcel is a book no larger than Tech's hand for the purposes of easy portability filled cover to cover with poems. Poems that Jaskier painstakingly copied down in a neatness Tech's likely never witnessed from Jaskier before. Not to say that Jaskier's penmanship wasn't always impeccable—his tutors from his youth saw to it that his handwriting was always legible and he could never be accused of laziness— but unlike his writing in his notebooks, Jaskier's lines are even and spaced as perfectly as a human hand could possibly create. A few of those poems within, Jaskier wrote himself and are signed as much, but the majority come from other authors that Jaskier properly credits. Not that the names would or should mean anything to Tech. They are, after all, all people that exist purely within Jaskier's world, not in Tech's, but just as Jaskier would never want his name forgotten, he knows the poets who've managed to captivate his attention would likely want the same.]
[Jaskier doesn't hold any expectation that Tech will read any of the poems in-depth right now, but he hopes Tech recognizes they're not just a random assortment of Jaskier's favorite poems from a glance. Much as they might range in tone and length, all the poems return to that central theme of something so simple and so complex as love. But if he doesn't, Jaskier's not too worried he won't realize it later. Among his own poems included, Jaskier was certain to include the lyrics to Where I'll Be. When Tech finds that hidden among the rest, surely then he'll know, Jaskier thinks. Surely then.]
[ He nods at the suggestion to sit, first taking a moment to sweep the surroundings while Jaskier disappears -- a cursory glance at Jaskier's bookshelf and then poking around the materials Jaskier'd collected for the wreath making. Tech looks past the pile and toward the hearth -- focusing on the warm glow of the fire. For a moment, his heart aches. One hand comes up to cover the signet ring on his finger. Had this been in Penance, Jaskier would have set this table as far from the fire as possible. Maybe he would even be spending most of his time in the cold because he would have been afraid to light it. There's a quiet echo in the back of his mind -- Jaskier's screams and pleas as that mage brought the flames to the pads of his fingers, as he began to singe skin.
Tech blinks out of the thought when Jaskier returns, quickly prying his gaze away from the fire and toward the man before him and his nervous fidgeting. He glances down at the package and then finally takes a seat, extending his hand to accept the gift. His eyes flicker to Jaskier again when the present is now in his hands, mildly surprised Jaskier had followed the Christmas tradition of a gift exchange and touched he felt Tech was a worthy recipient of a gift. In fact, Tech can't ever recall receiving a gift in all of his relationships, unless songs and poems counted. Primarily because they never made it to the holidays and also never made it to their anniversaries. Tech brushes a thumb over the wrapping. Actually, he had never received a physical gift from anyone. Unless there was something he didn't remember in a life he didn't remember.
Slowly, he peels back the paper -- carefully deconstructing it instead of tearing. Once a flap is open, he pulls the book free, setting the wrapping aside as he rifles through the pages. The computerized part of his mind can take in a great deal of detail simply from a two second flip through. He can tell how carefully Jaskier wrote out these poems and how there are a variety of authors. He can tell Jaskier had slipped his own writing in between, and Tech wonders if those poems were ones he had written back home or things he wrote here, specifically for this collection. And more than that, he can see the heart that went into this gift -- even if Tech wouldn't consider himself poetic, this is Jaskier sharing a piece of himself.
Tech closes the book and holds it to his chest for a moment so he can hold this piece of Jaskier with him. ]
I love it. Thank you.
[ And it's not just a polite little thank you. Tech wants Jaskier to know how truly, genuinely grateful he is. That Jaskier spent nights thinking about him when he could have been doing far better things. That Jaskier loved him enough to go out of his way to scrawl things out neatly, without a single error. That Jaskier devoted time and focus to this project when sometimes time and focus are the last things Jaskier wants to give to a tedious task. Tech sees it. He appreciates it more than a simple thank you could convey.
His arm extends so he can collect Jaskier's hand in his, offering a misty smile before turning his gaze back to the hearth. ]
Did you, um...
[ He sniffs to chase the pesky emotions away. ]
Did you build the fire yourself?
Tech blinks out of the thought when Jaskier returns, quickly prying his gaze away from the fire and toward the man before him and his nervous fidgeting. He glances down at the package and then finally takes a seat, extending his hand to accept the gift. His eyes flicker to Jaskier again when the present is now in his hands, mildly surprised Jaskier had followed the Christmas tradition of a gift exchange and touched he felt Tech was a worthy recipient of a gift. In fact, Tech can't ever recall receiving a gift in all of his relationships, unless songs and poems counted. Primarily because they never made it to the holidays and also never made it to their anniversaries. Tech brushes a thumb over the wrapping. Actually, he had never received a physical gift from anyone. Unless there was something he didn't remember in a life he didn't remember.
Slowly, he peels back the paper -- carefully deconstructing it instead of tearing. Once a flap is open, he pulls the book free, setting the wrapping aside as he rifles through the pages. The computerized part of his mind can take in a great deal of detail simply from a two second flip through. He can tell how carefully Jaskier wrote out these poems and how there are a variety of authors. He can tell Jaskier had slipped his own writing in between, and Tech wonders if those poems were ones he had written back home or things he wrote here, specifically for this collection. And more than that, he can see the heart that went into this gift -- even if Tech wouldn't consider himself poetic, this is Jaskier sharing a piece of himself.
Tech closes the book and holds it to his chest for a moment so he can hold this piece of Jaskier with him. ]
I love it. Thank you.
[ And it's not just a polite little thank you. Tech wants Jaskier to know how truly, genuinely grateful he is. That Jaskier spent nights thinking about him when he could have been doing far better things. That Jaskier loved him enough to go out of his way to scrawl things out neatly, without a single error. That Jaskier devoted time and focus to this project when sometimes time and focus are the last things Jaskier wants to give to a tedious task. Tech sees it. He appreciates it more than a simple thank you could convey.
His arm extends so he can collect Jaskier's hand in his, offering a misty smile before turning his gaze back to the hearth. ]
Did you, um...
[ He sniffs to chase the pesky emotions away. ]
Did you build the fire yourself?
[There's a small smile at first when Tech closes the book and seems so pleased with the gift. One that only grows by the time there's a verbal expression of gratitude, becoming almost so wide that it starts to be more a dopey grin than anything else once Tech takes a hold of his hand. He is at once both so smitten and so relieved that Tech likes the book, and so pleased with himself for managing to pull it off so last minute. There had been plenty of late nights for Jaskier in trying to fill the pages of that book in time for today.]
Mmhm, [Jaskier confirms, crinkling his nose a bit even if his smile doesn't dim even in the slightest. It is entirely with mock-offense that he continues,] I might be useless at building a campfire, but I can manage a hearth just fine, thank you very much. I'm not that much of a spoiled little lordling, you know.
[And yet, Jaskier raises Tech's hand to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to his knuckles in very much the cliche manner one might anticipate nobility to express their affection to one another. Never mind his choice of gift was a book, particularly one painstakingly written by his own hand. It's not likely that Jaskier's affluent birth could possibly be more on display even if he tried. But it's likely that doesn't strike Tech much at all in comparison to just how deeply affected Jaskier had been by the torture he experienced at the hands of the mage. Not when it doesn't even seem to occur to a Jaskier who has yet to live through it that he should have any reason to need help with maintaining his own hearth, let alone because of a fear of the flame itself. To Jaskier now, the hearth is a comfort both for the pragmatic of keeping his home warm and the less pragmatic feeling of something familiar.]
It's sometimes a bit too quiet around here for my liking. [Jaskier gestures with his free hand in a sweeping gesture to indicate both his home and the neighborhood beyond his front door.] Back in Lettenhove, I always had sisters and a brother to pester when my parents had enough of my nonsense. Or there were always servants to charm into saying they hadn't seen me while I was avoiding my tutors. And in the dormitories, I always had my schoolmates around whenever things were getting a bit dull—which they were always guaranteed to become as much sooner rather than later.
Here... [Jaskier pauses a moment before offering a little shrug.] I don't mean to make it sound like it's lonely or anything like that. It certainly isn't. Honestly, I think I've managed to amass more spoons than I could possibly spend in a lifetime and that's quite the achievement.
It's just... Quieter.
[And so, Jaskier is admittedly far more prone to boredom than he otherwise would be back home. Or, at the very least, than he would be among those who were used to his intense curiosity and proclivity for the novel and unexplored. Here? Well, Jaskier finds everyone to be a bit...settled. Even with interesting stories, they don't seem quite as adventurous as he would like and it leaves him idler than he prefers and likes to be.]
But I do get by just fine on my own with a simpler life like this. [He grins as he adds,] I'm not just exceptionally handsome as it turns out. Not only is my talent completely and utterly unrivaled, I'm quite intelligent, too.
Mmhm, [Jaskier confirms, crinkling his nose a bit even if his smile doesn't dim even in the slightest. It is entirely with mock-offense that he continues,] I might be useless at building a campfire, but I can manage a hearth just fine, thank you very much. I'm not that much of a spoiled little lordling, you know.
[And yet, Jaskier raises Tech's hand to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to his knuckles in very much the cliche manner one might anticipate nobility to express their affection to one another. Never mind his choice of gift was a book, particularly one painstakingly written by his own hand. It's not likely that Jaskier's affluent birth could possibly be more on display even if he tried. But it's likely that doesn't strike Tech much at all in comparison to just how deeply affected Jaskier had been by the torture he experienced at the hands of the mage. Not when it doesn't even seem to occur to a Jaskier who has yet to live through it that he should have any reason to need help with maintaining his own hearth, let alone because of a fear of the flame itself. To Jaskier now, the hearth is a comfort both for the pragmatic of keeping his home warm and the less pragmatic feeling of something familiar.]
It's sometimes a bit too quiet around here for my liking. [Jaskier gestures with his free hand in a sweeping gesture to indicate both his home and the neighborhood beyond his front door.] Back in Lettenhove, I always had sisters and a brother to pester when my parents had enough of my nonsense. Or there were always servants to charm into saying they hadn't seen me while I was avoiding my tutors. And in the dormitories, I always had my schoolmates around whenever things were getting a bit dull—which they were always guaranteed to become as much sooner rather than later.
Here... [Jaskier pauses a moment before offering a little shrug.] I don't mean to make it sound like it's lonely or anything like that. It certainly isn't. Honestly, I think I've managed to amass more spoons than I could possibly spend in a lifetime and that's quite the achievement.
It's just... Quieter.
[And so, Jaskier is admittedly far more prone to boredom than he otherwise would be back home. Or, at the very least, than he would be among those who were used to his intense curiosity and proclivity for the novel and unexplored. Here? Well, Jaskier finds everyone to be a bit...settled. Even with interesting stories, they don't seem quite as adventurous as he would like and it leaves him idler than he prefers and likes to be.]
But I do get by just fine on my own with a simpler life like this. [He grins as he adds,] I'm not just exceptionally handsome as it turns out. Not only is my talent completely and utterly unrivaled, I'm quite intelligent, too.
[ There's a distance in his gaze after Jaskier admits, with pride and playful teasing, he tended to the hearth on his own and Tech's eyes return to it. The flames leap, dance and crackle. On its own, a fire is a wonderful thing. It could be dangerous, yes...but only in the wrong hands. And its those wrong hands that get their hands on Jaskier. It was somehow easier to think of a Jaskier following the trauma as someone who didn't ever build his own fires -- as someone pampered enough that others did it for him or on the road enough, he wouldn't have had to worry about it. Here, it's different. Here, he lives in a home where it seems the primary source of heat is the fire.
There might come a time when Jaskier grows up. There might come a time when Jaskier returns to this home and can't bring himself to start his own fires. There might come a time when he sleeps in a freezing bed because it's preferable to freeze than face a fear. Tech doesn't know how common it is for others to return home and come back. A few people he'd spoken to had mentioned the possibility, but if that happened to Jaskier? Was there really nothing Tech could do to prevent the future? Was there really nothing Tech could do to keep Jaskier like this? Just like this. Just a boy who would speak his mind and fight for the things he loved. Just a boy who could make his own fires and live free of fear. Just a boy who never had his heart shattered into a million pieces?
Tech doesn't realize how tightly his grip has become on Jaskier's hand until he's pulled out of his thoughts by the confession about it being too quiet. He lets go with an apologetic look, hands moving to his lap and folding there before he listens to Jaskier's concerns. Just a boy again, living on his own for the first time -- being forced to be a grown up and having never gotten to spend much time in his own company. Jaskier lacks the experience of feeling comfortable in his own company. Something he would gain as he traveled and saw more of the world -- as he grew into confidence and discovered he didn't need the company of others to validate his self-worth because company was a pleasant by-product but Jaskier was lovable with or without it. ....or at least, Tech hoped this was the lesson Jaskier had taken in his older years. But judging by how deeply wounded he was by Geralt's choice, maybe even at 40, he still struggled to be confident in his own self.
Tech offers Jaskier a quiet smile, glances briefly to the ring on his own finger, and then toward the daybed. ]
I can imagine it would be. As someone who's used to so much noise and information passing through me on a daily basis, the moments when it's quiet and I'm cut off from the world? They're pretty fucking jarring. When things change, it's hard to adjust to that change until the change becomes your new normal. But if you start to feel like the quiet is driving you crazy, you can always call me, yanno? And I can come over or you can come over to my place...and your nights can be a little less quiet.
[ He glances back at Jaskier with a teasing smirk. ]
Or a whole lot less quiet depending on your mood...
[ Which is just a subtle and playful dig at how vocal Jaskier could be in bed. The smirk fades into a more sincere expression. ]
I wasn't around before and I don't know if that time apart was good for us or necessary for me to kind of make sense of everything, but it doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there. And you've had a lot of quiet nights.
[ Tech rises and now that he can trust himself not to squeeze Jaskier's hands too tightly, he takes both of his hands within his own. ]
I'm sorry, Jaskier. I'll spend every chance I can trying to make it up to you because you deserve to be loved and cherished the way you love and cherish others.
[ One hand draws back so he can take out his phone and thumb through it. ]
You know, most couples have a song that they think is their song. I tend to think all the love songs ever written and still yet to be written by you and others are our song. But right now, I'm thinking this one song sums up how I feel about you.
[ Tech boots up Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. And after cranking the phone to max volume, he holds out his hand for Jaskier again. ]
Can I have this dance?
[ And should Jaskier accept, he'll be led in a modern dance. Nothing tricky. Just arms around one another as they sway back and forth in time with the beat. Music has been their love language and it will continue to be -- it's the lyrics Tech wants Jaskier to listen to rather than focusing on tricky dance steps. Lucky to be coming home again hits particularly different knowing that home had once been where Jaskier was and Tech finally feels like he's starting to find it here with this version of Jaskier as well. ]
There might come a time when Jaskier grows up. There might come a time when Jaskier returns to this home and can't bring himself to start his own fires. There might come a time when he sleeps in a freezing bed because it's preferable to freeze than face a fear. Tech doesn't know how common it is for others to return home and come back. A few people he'd spoken to had mentioned the possibility, but if that happened to Jaskier? Was there really nothing Tech could do to prevent the future? Was there really nothing Tech could do to keep Jaskier like this? Just like this. Just a boy who would speak his mind and fight for the things he loved. Just a boy who could make his own fires and live free of fear. Just a boy who never had his heart shattered into a million pieces?
Tech doesn't realize how tightly his grip has become on Jaskier's hand until he's pulled out of his thoughts by the confession about it being too quiet. He lets go with an apologetic look, hands moving to his lap and folding there before he listens to Jaskier's concerns. Just a boy again, living on his own for the first time -- being forced to be a grown up and having never gotten to spend much time in his own company. Jaskier lacks the experience of feeling comfortable in his own company. Something he would gain as he traveled and saw more of the world -- as he grew into confidence and discovered he didn't need the company of others to validate his self-worth because company was a pleasant by-product but Jaskier was lovable with or without it. ....or at least, Tech hoped this was the lesson Jaskier had taken in his older years. But judging by how deeply wounded he was by Geralt's choice, maybe even at 40, he still struggled to be confident in his own self.
Tech offers Jaskier a quiet smile, glances briefly to the ring on his own finger, and then toward the daybed. ]
I can imagine it would be. As someone who's used to so much noise and information passing through me on a daily basis, the moments when it's quiet and I'm cut off from the world? They're pretty fucking jarring. When things change, it's hard to adjust to that change until the change becomes your new normal. But if you start to feel like the quiet is driving you crazy, you can always call me, yanno? And I can come over or you can come over to my place...and your nights can be a little less quiet.
[ He glances back at Jaskier with a teasing smirk. ]
Or a whole lot less quiet depending on your mood...
[ Which is just a subtle and playful dig at how vocal Jaskier could be in bed. The smirk fades into a more sincere expression. ]
I wasn't around before and I don't know if that time apart was good for us or necessary for me to kind of make sense of everything, but it doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there. And you've had a lot of quiet nights.
[ Tech rises and now that he can trust himself not to squeeze Jaskier's hands too tightly, he takes both of his hands within his own. ]
I'm sorry, Jaskier. I'll spend every chance I can trying to make it up to you because you deserve to be loved and cherished the way you love and cherish others.
[ One hand draws back so he can take out his phone and thumb through it. ]
You know, most couples have a song that they think is their song. I tend to think all the love songs ever written and still yet to be written by you and others are our song. But right now, I'm thinking this one song sums up how I feel about you.
[ Tech boots up Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. And after cranking the phone to max volume, he holds out his hand for Jaskier again. ]
Can I have this dance?
[ And should Jaskier accept, he'll be led in a modern dance. Nothing tricky. Just arms around one another as they sway back and forth in time with the beat. Music has been their love language and it will continue to be -- it's the lyrics Tech wants Jaskier to listen to rather than focusing on tricky dance steps. Lucky to be coming home again hits particularly different knowing that home had once been where Jaskier was and Tech finally feels like he's starting to find it here with this version of Jaskier as well. ]
[Tech isn't home to Jaskier.]
[Jaskier loves Tech. He loves him fiercely. He loves him in a way he's yet to experience with anyone else wherein it doesn't feel like it's to be a passing thing or a pleasant way to spend his time. Oh, the butterflies in the belly are there every now and again because of Tech's words or his affectionate gestures. And Jaskier recognizes the way he sometimes feels lightheaded or like he's floating just at the very thought of Tech. Jaskier knows what it is to be in love. He just filled an entire book expounding upon it for Tech in both borrowed and his own words. But it wasn't just talking about the bits he knows already. As best he could, Jaskier used those words to try and explain and articulate the parts of this love he is less familiar with. A task that, at times, was frustrating as for the first time for Jaskier, the words seemed to fall short. In some ways, he's glad he doesn't appear to be the only one though with Tech laying claim to every love song in existence and will be as theirs. Not even a god can find all the right words for every part of it.]
[But Jaskier's not there yet. He's not yet arrived at the thought that Tech is home. It may be because it's too soon in their relationship from his perspective even if he recognizes it as being so very important to the both of them. It may be because he's not yet of the mindset where a home is something he craves because there's too much drive to prove himself capable of standing on his own two feet. Whichever the case, Jaskier's not there yet.]
[But Tech is safety. He's safety and warmth, and Jaskier trusts him more than anyone else in this place. And so, when there isn't any sign of complicated dance moves, Jaskier naturally nestles right in, resting his head on Tech's shoulder and placing his face in the crook of Tech's neck to breathe him in with eyes gently closed.]
[Quietly, he murmurs beneath the music,] I could stay just like this forever.
[Jaskier said this once before. In Wintermute. After they made love for the final time that night and Jaskier didn't so much directly demand being held so much as simply opted to use Tech as his pillow and leave very little choice in the matter. It earned him a bit of teasing at first, of course, given his tendency to want to stay in bed for as long as he possibly can. After a light pinch to Tech's side for getting cheeky, he clarified what he meant.]
[He doesn't think he needs to clarify this time.]
[Before the song's end, Jaskier presses a kiss first to Tech's pulse point beneath his jaw before he opens his eyes and lifts his head. Jaskier's lips meet Tech's in another kiss, not attempting to be necessarily chaste, but certainly gentle and sweet as one hand finds its way to trace and caress Tech's cheek. As they kiss, Jaskier fully releases his hold on Tech to bring his other hand up to his chest, careful not to rest it anywhere near the center of Tech's chest above his heart as he stays committed to offering another touch instead. With a soft sigh, Jaskier brings the kiss to a gentle end.]
I'm glad we found each other, too. Even if it won't always be this simple and easy... It will always be worth it. [The hand at Tech's chest moves so Jaskier can have a hold of him again.] You will always be worth it.
I love you.
[Jaskier loves Tech. He loves him fiercely. He loves him in a way he's yet to experience with anyone else wherein it doesn't feel like it's to be a passing thing or a pleasant way to spend his time. Oh, the butterflies in the belly are there every now and again because of Tech's words or his affectionate gestures. And Jaskier recognizes the way he sometimes feels lightheaded or like he's floating just at the very thought of Tech. Jaskier knows what it is to be in love. He just filled an entire book expounding upon it for Tech in both borrowed and his own words. But it wasn't just talking about the bits he knows already. As best he could, Jaskier used those words to try and explain and articulate the parts of this love he is less familiar with. A task that, at times, was frustrating as for the first time for Jaskier, the words seemed to fall short. In some ways, he's glad he doesn't appear to be the only one though with Tech laying claim to every love song in existence and will be as theirs. Not even a god can find all the right words for every part of it.]
[But Jaskier's not there yet. He's not yet arrived at the thought that Tech is home. It may be because it's too soon in their relationship from his perspective even if he recognizes it as being so very important to the both of them. It may be because he's not yet of the mindset where a home is something he craves because there's too much drive to prove himself capable of standing on his own two feet. Whichever the case, Jaskier's not there yet.]
[But Tech is safety. He's safety and warmth, and Jaskier trusts him more than anyone else in this place. And so, when there isn't any sign of complicated dance moves, Jaskier naturally nestles right in, resting his head on Tech's shoulder and placing his face in the crook of Tech's neck to breathe him in with eyes gently closed.]
[Quietly, he murmurs beneath the music,] I could stay just like this forever.
[Jaskier said this once before. In Wintermute. After they made love for the final time that night and Jaskier didn't so much directly demand being held so much as simply opted to use Tech as his pillow and leave very little choice in the matter. It earned him a bit of teasing at first, of course, given his tendency to want to stay in bed for as long as he possibly can. After a light pinch to Tech's side for getting cheeky, he clarified what he meant.]
[He doesn't think he needs to clarify this time.]
[Before the song's end, Jaskier presses a kiss first to Tech's pulse point beneath his jaw before he opens his eyes and lifts his head. Jaskier's lips meet Tech's in another kiss, not attempting to be necessarily chaste, but certainly gentle and sweet as one hand finds its way to trace and caress Tech's cheek. As they kiss, Jaskier fully releases his hold on Tech to bring his other hand up to his chest, careful not to rest it anywhere near the center of Tech's chest above his heart as he stays committed to offering another touch instead. With a soft sigh, Jaskier brings the kiss to a gentle end.]
I'm glad we found each other, too. Even if it won't always be this simple and easy... It will always be worth it. [The hand at Tech's chest moves so Jaskier can have a hold of him again.] You will always be worth it.
I love you.
[ Tech could playfully tease if they stayed like this forever, the turkey would burn and no wreaths would be made and Jaskier would very easily tire after a few days of standing upright. But it's not really the space for playful teasing. Instead, he lets Jaskier's words remain with only a hum of acknowledgement and agreement. Any time Tech has with Jaskier feels like it's stolen, like there will be consequences to come from some keeper of time. But fuck it if Tech wouldn't gladly face them and steal forever to be able to be with this bard. Until he met Jaskier, there had been an emptiness in his soul -- a void he tried to fill to no avail. Life only truly began when their paths intersected.
As the song dwindles down and ends with a kiss, Tech leans into it -- fingers digging into the fabric of Jaskier's shirt. And as it tapers off into Jaskier's words, Tech shakes his head in quiet confusion. ]
I love you too, Jules. But why won't it be simple and easy?
[ Tech isn't naive. He knows love isn't all sparkles and rainbows. All relationships, even good relationships come with their ups and downs. But the confusion is less about that aspect and more the love itself. For Tech, loving Jaskier has always been simple and easy. Even this version of Jaskier he loved before he was willing to admit it. The hardest part about this relationship had been how much Tech tried to deny it and prevent it from happening.
It's not the same as before. Of course it's not the same. There was a depth between his and Jaskier's relationship in Penance, a deep connection wherein they were two broken pieces finding something whole in one another. And while Tech would consider himself still broken, undeniably his time with that Jaskier had glued him together in a more complete way. It paved the road for him to love a younger Jaskier, a man who had yet to break. It molded Tech into the sort of person who has a place in this Jaskier's life. A Jaskier of before did that. The Jaskier of now benefits from it. And all of it had been a simple thing once Tech stopped being his own obstacle. ]
We're inevitable. Do you know how many times I almost kissed you in the woods that night we first met? You talked about how your world only came into contact with another world two thousand years ago, and yet it happened for us. Twice. And that was the moment when I fell in love with you again. The hardest, and honestly stupidest, thing I did was try to deny I loved you.
[ Both that night and the month of solitude that followed. ]
As the song dwindles down and ends with a kiss, Tech leans into it -- fingers digging into the fabric of Jaskier's shirt. And as it tapers off into Jaskier's words, Tech shakes his head in quiet confusion. ]
I love you too, Jules. But why won't it be simple and easy?
[ Tech isn't naive. He knows love isn't all sparkles and rainbows. All relationships, even good relationships come with their ups and downs. But the confusion is less about that aspect and more the love itself. For Tech, loving Jaskier has always been simple and easy. Even this version of Jaskier he loved before he was willing to admit it. The hardest part about this relationship had been how much Tech tried to deny it and prevent it from happening.
It's not the same as before. Of course it's not the same. There was a depth between his and Jaskier's relationship in Penance, a deep connection wherein they were two broken pieces finding something whole in one another. And while Tech would consider himself still broken, undeniably his time with that Jaskier had glued him together in a more complete way. It paved the road for him to love a younger Jaskier, a man who had yet to break. It molded Tech into the sort of person who has a place in this Jaskier's life. A Jaskier of before did that. The Jaskier of now benefits from it. And all of it had been a simple thing once Tech stopped being his own obstacle. ]
We're inevitable. Do you know how many times I almost kissed you in the woods that night we first met? You talked about how your world only came into contact with another world two thousand years ago, and yet it happened for us. Twice. And that was the moment when I fell in love with you again. The hardest, and honestly stupidest, thing I did was try to deny I loved you.
[ Both that night and the month of solitude that followed. ]
[Before Jaskier can begin to form even the barest start of an answer to Tech's question—because even if they both know the answer, there needs to be a delicate touch provided in its explanation all the same for the sake of both their hearts—Tech provides his counter-argument to anything Jaskier might say. All at once, Jaskier feels like his heart's leapt into his throat and all the air's been stolen from his lungs. It's not that Tech's love is a heavy thing. Calling it that would be likening it to a burden, and Jaskier refuses to believe love can ever be a burden. Not when it's real and true, and this love between them most certainly is exactly that with the way it's persisted with that ring on Tech's finger and Tech's arms around Jaskier now. But there's something to Tech's love when he says things like this. When it's more than just the typical affection.]
[It's dizzying. It's intoxicating. And it's a little terrifying if Jaskier's honest because it's one thing to hear the promise to love and cherish him. It's another to feel it so intensely and strongly in moments like this. A part of him balks at it, of course, and he worries what if Tech has it all wrong? What if Tech wakes up one day and realizes that Jaskier's love, the one he has here, really isn't the one he wants? Or what if he becomes impatient with Jaskier's bouts of immaturity and doesn't want to waste time waiting for Jaskier to be that person he's always held in such high regard, believed to be so special?]
[But before the spiral can take hold, Jaskier remembers what he said: it will always be worth it. Even if Tech somehow does have it wrong. Even if this all ends in heartbreak. It will be worth it to love Tech. To be loved by him. To find each other again and again across worlds.]
[There's so much that Jaskier wants to say and ask. He gets as far as drawing a breath and his lips part, but no words manage to push past the rest enough for anything to come out. Jaskier closes his mouth, looking down for a moment as he blinks rapidly against the burning at the back of his eyes and for once he doesn't feel entirely foolish for being so easily overcome by his own emotions.]
[Inevitable.]
[Soulmates.]
[What other explanation can there be for Tech to love him now? Jaskier doesn't really know who he is. He knows who he would like to be, would like to imagine he has some idea of how to become that person, but he doesn't know. But Tech doesn't just love him now because of that future. He wouldn't have made that entire forest of lights for the Jaskier he knew. Not like that. He loves Jaskier exactly as he is right now. Ambitious, but uncertain. Driven even if a bit directionless at times. Immature and insecure all the while being entirely confident with natural intuition.]
...You, ah... [Jaskier lifts his gaze.] You never did tell me how exactly we fell in love the first time.
[He wants to know, of course. There's a curiosity in Jaskier that's persisted even beyond the moments when parts of him were certain he never wanted to know. But perhaps more important than his own curiosity, if Tech can be brave enough to fall for him, Jaskier thinks he can be brave enough to let their story be his, too. Even if it hasn't happened for him yet.]
[It's dizzying. It's intoxicating. And it's a little terrifying if Jaskier's honest because it's one thing to hear the promise to love and cherish him. It's another to feel it so intensely and strongly in moments like this. A part of him balks at it, of course, and he worries what if Tech has it all wrong? What if Tech wakes up one day and realizes that Jaskier's love, the one he has here, really isn't the one he wants? Or what if he becomes impatient with Jaskier's bouts of immaturity and doesn't want to waste time waiting for Jaskier to be that person he's always held in such high regard, believed to be so special?]
[But before the spiral can take hold, Jaskier remembers what he said: it will always be worth it. Even if Tech somehow does have it wrong. Even if this all ends in heartbreak. It will be worth it to love Tech. To be loved by him. To find each other again and again across worlds.]
[There's so much that Jaskier wants to say and ask. He gets as far as drawing a breath and his lips part, but no words manage to push past the rest enough for anything to come out. Jaskier closes his mouth, looking down for a moment as he blinks rapidly against the burning at the back of his eyes and for once he doesn't feel entirely foolish for being so easily overcome by his own emotions.]
[Inevitable.]
[Soulmates.]
[What other explanation can there be for Tech to love him now? Jaskier doesn't really know who he is. He knows who he would like to be, would like to imagine he has some idea of how to become that person, but he doesn't know. But Tech doesn't just love him now because of that future. He wouldn't have made that entire forest of lights for the Jaskier he knew. Not like that. He loves Jaskier exactly as he is right now. Ambitious, but uncertain. Driven even if a bit directionless at times. Immature and insecure all the while being entirely confident with natural intuition.]
...You, ah... [Jaskier lifts his gaze.] You never did tell me how exactly we fell in love the first time.
[He wants to know, of course. There's a curiosity in Jaskier that's persisted even beyond the moments when parts of him were certain he never wanted to know. But perhaps more important than his own curiosity, if Tech can be brave enough to fall for him, Jaskier thinks he can be brave enough to let their story be his, too. Even if it hasn't happened for him yet.]
[ The statement catches him off guard. Tech's not sure he can trust it. It sounds like a suggestion or an invitation for Tech to talk about his previous relationship, but can Jaskier handle it? Does he want to know? Or is this a test of some kind? Or, although Jaskier might not seem like the type, maybe it's the sort of manipulation lovers do to trap their partner into admitting something they will subsequently hold against them forever.
Or maybe Jaskier just wants to know. Maybe there's nothing more to it than that.
So, as Tech's thumb traces the band of the ring around his finger and the other hand continues to hold tight to the bard in his arms, he proceeds with caution. Tech takes care to not get swept away in the story and to be mindful of the feelings of the bard in front of him. Any purse of lips, any steeling of blue eyes, any tension in his body will be his cue to stop. ]
Well, it was similar to this. We just crashed into each others lives, this time in a hotel lobby. You were there, trying to wake up as if from a dream and I came storming in to drag you back to reality in the most pessimistic way possible...as I have a tendency to do.
[ He offers Jaskier a humored smile -- after all, hadn't this Jaskier experienced it himself? ]
But you were gracious and I was charmed by how you kept weaving in and out of my space with your little touches and friendly gestures. I'd gone most of my life to my memory without being touched, so any time anyone was willing...
[ A helpless shrug is offered. Tech knows it makes him sound pathetic. Maybe even desperate. But that wasn't what made him fall in love. No, that moment was more special than that. ]
I asked you to sing me a song and you asked me for a mood or a sound. Something that would please me. So I played you a song on my phone, like I just did now. And you were so enamored by it. It was your first brush with technology and what it could do, and you were enamored. And it had been a very long time since anyone took to technology the way you did -- so I was enamored by your reaction and even more when you sang. And that was the moment right there when we fell in love.
[ Tech can't help the wistful smile on his face as he relives the moment, experiencing the memory in crystal clarity. ]
I had a girlfriend at the time. And we were in a monogamous relationship -- so I, again, refused to admit to myself what I was feeling. But the more time you and I spent around each other -- the more that became an impossible task. So the problem became less how to deny loving you and more how to love you. We figured it out. You, me and Ava became a relationship and it was...the happiest I'd ever been, really.
[ More and more, Tech is able to say her name. Ava. She's no longer a phantom whose very name pierces his heart with grief. Perhaps that was a gift Jaskier of Penance gave him as well -- losing him forced Tech to sit uncomfortably in his grief and to find less self-destructive ways to deal with it. Rather than try to run away from the pain, Tech held onto it -- because the pain was all he had left of that Jaskier. Even now, it hurts. God does it hurt, like someone's taking a vice to his lungs and squeezing them of air.
But he swallows it because he is with Jaskier still. Perhaps not in the same way, but he is here and Tech vowed to be present and in the moment with this Jaskier. Not stuck in the past. ]
I guess the point mostly is, nothing grand or world shattering ever happens between us. We meet, we talk, and love follows. And it happens almost immediately...
[ Tech wonders -- he wonders if they had more time in that memory, the memory where Jaskier had been heartbroken right before that mage showed up...if it would have been the same there. Tech had thought because of that memory, there was no chance Jaskier would fall in love with him again. But they hadn't been given time. If they spoke for a night, even in Jaskier's deepest grief -- perhaps he could have found their love again. Because even at their worst, even in Tech's frustration and Jaskier's deep pain -- Jaskier hadn't walked away from him. He started to, but he didn't and they stuck close to one another until it all melted into something of a nightmare.
But this Jaskier fell in love with him and that gives Tech hope -- because if he can hold an eighteen year old's attention span long enough to settle in this wonderful kind of love, hell. He could probably meet Jaskier anywhere at any stage in his life and find his way to this again. Tech just had to let himself love him and Jaskier would find his way toward their light.
He leans forward, tenderly kissing Jaskier's forehead. ]
Loving you is easy. The only complications we have are self-made. Usually by me. I'm the problem. Hi.
[ He laughs, slipping a hand away to comb through Jaskier's bangs and regard him fondly. ]
Or maybe Jaskier just wants to know. Maybe there's nothing more to it than that.
So, as Tech's thumb traces the band of the ring around his finger and the other hand continues to hold tight to the bard in his arms, he proceeds with caution. Tech takes care to not get swept away in the story and to be mindful of the feelings of the bard in front of him. Any purse of lips, any steeling of blue eyes, any tension in his body will be his cue to stop. ]
Well, it was similar to this. We just crashed into each others lives, this time in a hotel lobby. You were there, trying to wake up as if from a dream and I came storming in to drag you back to reality in the most pessimistic way possible...as I have a tendency to do.
[ He offers Jaskier a humored smile -- after all, hadn't this Jaskier experienced it himself? ]
But you were gracious and I was charmed by how you kept weaving in and out of my space with your little touches and friendly gestures. I'd gone most of my life to my memory without being touched, so any time anyone was willing...
[ A helpless shrug is offered. Tech knows it makes him sound pathetic. Maybe even desperate. But that wasn't what made him fall in love. No, that moment was more special than that. ]
I asked you to sing me a song and you asked me for a mood or a sound. Something that would please me. So I played you a song on my phone, like I just did now. And you were so enamored by it. It was your first brush with technology and what it could do, and you were enamored. And it had been a very long time since anyone took to technology the way you did -- so I was enamored by your reaction and even more when you sang. And that was the moment right there when we fell in love.
[ Tech can't help the wistful smile on his face as he relives the moment, experiencing the memory in crystal clarity. ]
I had a girlfriend at the time. And we were in a monogamous relationship -- so I, again, refused to admit to myself what I was feeling. But the more time you and I spent around each other -- the more that became an impossible task. So the problem became less how to deny loving you and more how to love you. We figured it out. You, me and Ava became a relationship and it was...the happiest I'd ever been, really.
[ More and more, Tech is able to say her name. Ava. She's no longer a phantom whose very name pierces his heart with grief. Perhaps that was a gift Jaskier of Penance gave him as well -- losing him forced Tech to sit uncomfortably in his grief and to find less self-destructive ways to deal with it. Rather than try to run away from the pain, Tech held onto it -- because the pain was all he had left of that Jaskier. Even now, it hurts. God does it hurt, like someone's taking a vice to his lungs and squeezing them of air.
But he swallows it because he is with Jaskier still. Perhaps not in the same way, but he is here and Tech vowed to be present and in the moment with this Jaskier. Not stuck in the past. ]
I guess the point mostly is, nothing grand or world shattering ever happens between us. We meet, we talk, and love follows. And it happens almost immediately...
[ Tech wonders -- he wonders if they had more time in that memory, the memory where Jaskier had been heartbroken right before that mage showed up...if it would have been the same there. Tech had thought because of that memory, there was no chance Jaskier would fall in love with him again. But they hadn't been given time. If they spoke for a night, even in Jaskier's deepest grief -- perhaps he could have found their love again. Because even at their worst, even in Tech's frustration and Jaskier's deep pain -- Jaskier hadn't walked away from him. He started to, but he didn't and they stuck close to one another until it all melted into something of a nightmare.
But this Jaskier fell in love with him and that gives Tech hope -- because if he can hold an eighteen year old's attention span long enough to settle in this wonderful kind of love, hell. He could probably meet Jaskier anywhere at any stage in his life and find his way to this again. Tech just had to let himself love him and Jaskier would find his way toward their light.
He leans forward, tenderly kissing Jaskier's forehead. ]
Loving you is easy. The only complications we have are self-made. Usually by me. I'm the problem. Hi.
[ He laughs, slipping a hand away to comb through Jaskier's bangs and regard him fondly. ]
I think you might have been more right about Viktor and me than I first realized.
[Jaskier reflects back his smile as Tech highlights his tendency to initially greet Jaskier with pessimism, and it doesn't leave as Tech continues to tell the story of how they met and fell in love the first time. It's quieter at times, perhaps even a touch smaller, but it never disappears. Because any quiet from Jaskier right now isn't one borne from pain or insecurity, but rather from his intention to listen. It's not just Tech's words, after all, that he doesn't want to disrupt, but all the feelings behind them as well and they deserve to be heard and seen just as much as anything Tech says.]
[They're beautiful, Jaskier thinks in an easy, natural conclusion. The full range of them—from Tech's warm nostalgia and unspoken longing for the Jaskier he knew to the tender affection and easy love for the Jaskier in front of him—is simply beautiful. But even with that easy conclusion, there's still moments where it feels more complicated than that. It's as though parts of it are a bit like fireflies against the night sky. They mingle in the starlight and form their own breathtaking constellations to be admired, but unlike those far above, they aren't meant to watch the world below for centuries upon centuries. They're there for a moment and then they're gone again. That's how it feels when feelings for the Jaskier Tech knew rise to the surface the way they do. It's not a spark of insecurity or honestly even jealousy, but Jaskier wishes he could capture it for himself for longer than a moment. Even with all the adoration and love Tech pours into him as he is now, he's selfish and greedy, and he wants it all.]
[But he knows he can't. Even with his commitment to take more of their story as his, Jaskier can't lay claim to those feelings as he does those he knows are for him. It... It just doesn't feel right to Jaskier. Not just yet. Not when Jaskier isn't certain he'd know really what to do with them and he thinks it's better those feelings remain between Tech and his past rather than here and now. So, for now, it was enough to be with them for as long as they were there in Tech's telling of their story.]
[Jaskier's eyes close for just a moment as Tech places a tender kiss to his forehead and he cannot help but lean into the hand that brushes through his hair, seeking out more of his touch with a smile like the cat who got the cream. Although it's likely a bit difficult to tell if his smile comes from Tech's self-deprecating joke or his touch.]
Well, you're not such a terrible problem to have, [he teases for a moment. Jaskier nestles in a little closer again, resting his head back on Tech's shoulder and wrapping his arms around Tech. With a small sigh, he says,] I like that our meeting is never anything grand.
[Not that it wouldn't get a touch embellished in any ballad that Jaskier might compose about it, of course, but he's entirely genuine when he says that he prefers that simplicity. He likes that there's a push and pull, but an immediate connection. That their meeting could have taken place in any world at any point in time. That they were inevitable. Soulmates. All in a way of their own making, not at the hands of Thirteen or Destiny or any other force.]
I like that we are just two people who find each other again and again, [Jaskier says before pressing another affectionate kiss to Tech's pulse point,] and it's as simple as that. It makes our love all the more grand for blossoming and growing across worlds and even through time itself.
[Nuzzling at Tech's jaw gently, Jaskier grins.]
And all the love songs that have been written or ever will be.
[They're beautiful, Jaskier thinks in an easy, natural conclusion. The full range of them—from Tech's warm nostalgia and unspoken longing for the Jaskier he knew to the tender affection and easy love for the Jaskier in front of him—is simply beautiful. But even with that easy conclusion, there's still moments where it feels more complicated than that. It's as though parts of it are a bit like fireflies against the night sky. They mingle in the starlight and form their own breathtaking constellations to be admired, but unlike those far above, they aren't meant to watch the world below for centuries upon centuries. They're there for a moment and then they're gone again. That's how it feels when feelings for the Jaskier Tech knew rise to the surface the way they do. It's not a spark of insecurity or honestly even jealousy, but Jaskier wishes he could capture it for himself for longer than a moment. Even with all the adoration and love Tech pours into him as he is now, he's selfish and greedy, and he wants it all.]
[But he knows he can't. Even with his commitment to take more of their story as his, Jaskier can't lay claim to those feelings as he does those he knows are for him. It... It just doesn't feel right to Jaskier. Not just yet. Not when Jaskier isn't certain he'd know really what to do with them and he thinks it's better those feelings remain between Tech and his past rather than here and now. So, for now, it was enough to be with them for as long as they were there in Tech's telling of their story.]
[Jaskier's eyes close for just a moment as Tech places a tender kiss to his forehead and he cannot help but lean into the hand that brushes through his hair, seeking out more of his touch with a smile like the cat who got the cream. Although it's likely a bit difficult to tell if his smile comes from Tech's self-deprecating joke or his touch.]
Well, you're not such a terrible problem to have, [he teases for a moment. Jaskier nestles in a little closer again, resting his head back on Tech's shoulder and wrapping his arms around Tech. With a small sigh, he says,] I like that our meeting is never anything grand.
[Not that it wouldn't get a touch embellished in any ballad that Jaskier might compose about it, of course, but he's entirely genuine when he says that he prefers that simplicity. He likes that there's a push and pull, but an immediate connection. That their meeting could have taken place in any world at any point in time. That they were inevitable. Soulmates. All in a way of their own making, not at the hands of Thirteen or Destiny or any other force.]
I like that we are just two people who find each other again and again, [Jaskier says before pressing another affectionate kiss to Tech's pulse point,] and it's as simple as that. It makes our love all the more grand for blossoming and growing across worlds and even through time itself.
[Nuzzling at Tech's jaw gently, Jaskier grins.]
And all the love songs that have been written or ever will be.
[ As Jaskier settles close, nuzzling into him, Tech holds him as though he's the most precious thing in the world. In all the worlds. Because he sincerely is. It's unsurprising he finds fame and adoration within his world because who couldn't love someone like him? But for Tech, it went far beyond love. His smile fades off somewhat. ]
There are a lot of stories that I feel embody us, too. Not all stories unlike the love songs...
[ There's a quick smile flashed and then it fades off into something thoughtful. ]
There's the story of the Little Mermaid who gives up her fins for human legs just for the chance to be with the man she loves. There's the story of Pinocchio, a marionette who becomes real through good deeds. But the story I'm thinking of right now is the tale of the Velveteen Rabbit -- a stuffed toy rabbit who a boy loved so much, it made its life all the better. And it loved the boy in return, it learned how to love the purest love imaginable. One day, the boy got very sick and the rabbit was there by his side. Day in and day out. They didn't do much, but for the rabbit, it was enough to just be with the boy he loved so much.
[ Tech's hand cups Jaskier's cheek, thumb tracing the top in a slow back and forth motion. ]
The boy got better. And it was a joyous day because they spoke of going to the beach and seeing the big blue ocean. The rabbit thought it would get to go, but the doctor said it was contaminated by the germs of the boy's scarlet fever and had to be burned. So they piled the rabbit in with the linens and took them out back for the gardener to burn in the morning. The rabbit fell out of the bag overnight and it started to rain and what remained of his fluff got soggy and wet. He thought of how he and the boy would never be together again, and something awakened in him. Real emotions. He cried a real tear from his little sewn on eyes. Then, a fairy appeared where the tear had fallen and said she was the fairy who takes care of the toys who are well loved, and with her magic, she made him a real bunny.
[ Tech draws in a breath. He's taking liberties with the story, of course. But mostly because he wants Jaskier to see the parallel. To understand he is the boy who loved Tech enough to grant him a second chance and a second life -- a life to be lived how Tech chooses and not what's expected of him by virtue of what he is. ]
They do reunite eventually at the end of the story. The boy and the rabbit. And the boy thinks to himself that the rabbit reminds him of the stuffed rabbit he lost when he was sick that he loved so much. And that's where it ends. But I don't really like that ending...because I think the boy should know how important and how much he did for the rabbit.
[ Tech uses the hand on Jaskier's cheek to gently lift his head so they're making eye contact. There's so much emotion on Tech's face, emotion that years ago wouldn't have been reachable. Even at the beginning of his stay in Penance, it took meeting Jaskier to get here. ]
You're the reason my life is better. Knowing you pulled me out of the darkness. And if it's my curse to keep hopping up to you in a different world where you don't remember me to remind you of how much you've done for me, so be it. It's because of you I get to be real. And every time I meet you again, I feel like I'm a better man than I was the last time. I only wish I had met you sooner in my life.
There are a lot of stories that I feel embody us, too. Not all stories unlike the love songs...
[ There's a quick smile flashed and then it fades off into something thoughtful. ]
There's the story of the Little Mermaid who gives up her fins for human legs just for the chance to be with the man she loves. There's the story of Pinocchio, a marionette who becomes real through good deeds. But the story I'm thinking of right now is the tale of the Velveteen Rabbit -- a stuffed toy rabbit who a boy loved so much, it made its life all the better. And it loved the boy in return, it learned how to love the purest love imaginable. One day, the boy got very sick and the rabbit was there by his side. Day in and day out. They didn't do much, but for the rabbit, it was enough to just be with the boy he loved so much.
[ Tech's hand cups Jaskier's cheek, thumb tracing the top in a slow back and forth motion. ]
The boy got better. And it was a joyous day because they spoke of going to the beach and seeing the big blue ocean. The rabbit thought it would get to go, but the doctor said it was contaminated by the germs of the boy's scarlet fever and had to be burned. So they piled the rabbit in with the linens and took them out back for the gardener to burn in the morning. The rabbit fell out of the bag overnight and it started to rain and what remained of his fluff got soggy and wet. He thought of how he and the boy would never be together again, and something awakened in him. Real emotions. He cried a real tear from his little sewn on eyes. Then, a fairy appeared where the tear had fallen and said she was the fairy who takes care of the toys who are well loved, and with her magic, she made him a real bunny.
[ Tech draws in a breath. He's taking liberties with the story, of course. But mostly because he wants Jaskier to see the parallel. To understand he is the boy who loved Tech enough to grant him a second chance and a second life -- a life to be lived how Tech chooses and not what's expected of him by virtue of what he is. ]
They do reunite eventually at the end of the story. The boy and the rabbit. And the boy thinks to himself that the rabbit reminds him of the stuffed rabbit he lost when he was sick that he loved so much. And that's where it ends. But I don't really like that ending...because I think the boy should know how important and how much he did for the rabbit.
[ Tech uses the hand on Jaskier's cheek to gently lift his head so they're making eye contact. There's so much emotion on Tech's face, emotion that years ago wouldn't have been reachable. Even at the beginning of his stay in Penance, it took meeting Jaskier to get here. ]
You're the reason my life is better. Knowing you pulled me out of the darkness. And if it's my curse to keep hopping up to you in a different world where you don't remember me to remind you of how much you've done for me, so be it. It's because of you I get to be real. And every time I meet you again, I feel like I'm a better man than I was the last time. I only wish I had met you sooner in my life.
[Jaskier lifts his head when he's guided to and his fingers curl just a little tighter in Tech's shirt when they make eye contact. He's not... Well, he's not entirely sure what he feels when he recognizes the depth of Tech's emotions in his eyes. In some ways, it feels like staring into the ocean from atop a bluff, the water vast and unknowable and the height of the precipice feeling almost dizzying. Jaskier's heart beats so quickly looking at Tech now that it feels as though it's about to leap from him all on its own. And yet even with the untold parts of Tech's story—both the parts he must have known in Penance and those Tech has never shared with him—it isn't terrifying. Much like the ocean where there's still a rhythm to be found within the tide and waves, there's something that still makes so much inherent sense to Tech, to them.]
[Distantly, Jaskier can't help but think anyone looking at this from the outside would consider him foolish. He's an eighteen year old mortal who has little more than a desirable direction to take his life in intertwining himself so deeply with a god that's lived possibly countless lifetimes. He should be but a speck in the entirety of Tech's life, Jaskier's life coming and going in but a blink of an eye to him. And maybe some part of Jaskier recognizes the truth behind all of that supposed rational thought. No, he knows it's there and it does. Every time he worries that Tech will come to think differently, to want more, to get bored, something where Jaskier will finally not measure up to everything that Tech thinks him to be or what he might be someday. It's that sort of thinking that fuels it more than any evidence in front of him. But Tech looks at him now like Jaskier's the only person in the world. Or, at the very least, the only one who matters. And Tech touches him with the sort of reverence and awe that only comes from familiarity of every inch of Jaskier's very being.]
[There's no doubts. No insecurities. No second guessing.]
[If Jaskier weren't already in love, he thinks he would fall now.]
...Maybe that's why we met again like this, [Jaskier says quietly after a moment or two longer in Tech's eyes.] Maybe it's so a part of me will always know you no matter the world, and then it won't be so difficult the next time we meet for the first time again. But maybe not.
Maybe instead of turning into a rabbit, [he says, managing a teasing smile that's so quiet, so gentle that it's almost shy,] you get an entire lifetime with me.
[And that should probably scare him. If Jaskier had any sense, it would. All things considered, he's at the very start of his life. He doesn't know who or what he'll be in a month let along years and years into the future regardless of what Tech's spoken about it. The promise of a lifetime is bigger than anything Jaskier's ever known or promised before after all. But he doesn't feel afraid. It feels too right and real right now to be afraid.]
[Distantly, Jaskier can't help but think anyone looking at this from the outside would consider him foolish. He's an eighteen year old mortal who has little more than a desirable direction to take his life in intertwining himself so deeply with a god that's lived possibly countless lifetimes. He should be but a speck in the entirety of Tech's life, Jaskier's life coming and going in but a blink of an eye to him. And maybe some part of Jaskier recognizes the truth behind all of that supposed rational thought. No, he knows it's there and it does. Every time he worries that Tech will come to think differently, to want more, to get bored, something where Jaskier will finally not measure up to everything that Tech thinks him to be or what he might be someday. It's that sort of thinking that fuels it more than any evidence in front of him. But Tech looks at him now like Jaskier's the only person in the world. Or, at the very least, the only one who matters. And Tech touches him with the sort of reverence and awe that only comes from familiarity of every inch of Jaskier's very being.]
[There's no doubts. No insecurities. No second guessing.]
[If Jaskier weren't already in love, he thinks he would fall now.]
...Maybe that's why we met again like this, [Jaskier says quietly after a moment or two longer in Tech's eyes.] Maybe it's so a part of me will always know you no matter the world, and then it won't be so difficult the next time we meet for the first time again. But maybe not.
Maybe instead of turning into a rabbit, [he says, managing a teasing smile that's so quiet, so gentle that it's almost shy,] you get an entire lifetime with me.
[And that should probably scare him. If Jaskier had any sense, it would. All things considered, he's at the very start of his life. He doesn't know who or what he'll be in a month let along years and years into the future regardless of what Tech's spoken about it. The promise of a lifetime is bigger than anything Jaskier's ever known or promised before after all. But he doesn't feel afraid. It feels too right and real right now to be afraid.]
What. Oh, no. No, no,no, that would be...a mess. I just realized how I feel about him, and I don't think he likes me back. I don't think Viktor likes anybody, really.
It could make things very awkward for us, and it would be selfish of me. So, I'm going to keep it to myself for now.
It could make things very awkward for us, and it would be selfish of me. So, I'm going to keep it to myself for now.
[ He smiles with a breathy sound of amusement after Jaskier's answer -- not the sort of amusement where he thinks the idea is silly but more an amusement because it would be so simple if that were the reason. And Tech doesn't think it would be so bad to get a lifetime with Jaskier -- to have the thing that Geralt had, time to see him grow and evolve. A chance to have a hand in that evolution. Not by becoming a part of his identity but by encouraging Jaskier's individual identity. And being there for him through his worst moments, trying to keep him from the bitter resentment that will consume him for a year and protecting him from that mage. God, he would give anything to protect him from that mage.
His smile fades off with his thoughts and he pulls Jaskier into an embrace, holding him tightly for a moment. And with his head on Jaskier's shoulder, he can let his concern and worries show on his face. He can have that beat before he needs to compose himself and pretend as though everything is fine. Because it is. It's fine. As long as they're here, it will be okay. Tech turns his head to kiss Jaskier's temple before drawing back to look at him with a smile fixed in place. ]
It would be a perfect ending. There is a part of me that wishes we could meet all over again. If I could meet you while you're young before I ever knew who you were -- before I ever loved anyone else...I could have learned to love the right way. But I guess beggars can't be choosers, huh? It's better I learned at all. It's just...I know I said it before, but there's a purity to your love that makes it special.
[ He shrugs and there's a mild shyness that often comes when he says something he thinks could be interpreted as stupid. The fortunate thing about Jaskier is he doesn't ever make Tech feel as though his sentiments or comments are stupid or invalid. So it's a safe space, but still a vulnerable one. And vulnerability is not something that comes easy to Tech.
Slowly he lets go of Jaskier so he can lean back against the table instead. His eyes flicker toward the fireplace, watching the flame dance and weave. As he looks at it, he's transported back to that tavern. Transported back to a time when Jaskier was left vulnerable and Tech held him, unable to help and making a promise he ultimately couldn't keep. Fuck. Jaskier truly was too good to have forgiven him after all of that -- when Tech became yet another on the list of immortals who disappointed him. ]
Jaskier, can I ask you something?
[ Slowly, he pries his eyes away and looks toward him again. Tech knows the answer is yes. He's free to ask Jaskier anything. Whether Jaskier can answer or not is a different story. But the question itself is more of a verbal pause as Tech weighs what he's going to ask -- whether he should put this out into the world or if the kinder thing would be to leave Jaskier blissfully unaware. But he deserves a choice, doesn't he? There's a chance Tech could slip without thinking about it, so if he has an answer to this question -- perhaps it could prevent him from saying something terrible in the future. ]
If I knew something that was going to happen in your life, something bad, would you want to know about it? Or would you prefer ignorance because your future is yours and has yet to be written and so long as you're here, it won't be the same as it was? And this isn't a prelude to me telling you some terrible thing, don't worry. It's more...if a topic comes up in the future, I want to know where you stand. Whether you prefer ignorance or if you'd want the truth?
[ Yennefer didn't want to know, but Jaskier isn't Yennefer. Even so, his choice might still be the same. He and Yennefer had been on similar wavelengths at points. That isn't likely to change, even if Jaskier hasn't met Yennefer at this point in time. ]
His smile fades off with his thoughts and he pulls Jaskier into an embrace, holding him tightly for a moment. And with his head on Jaskier's shoulder, he can let his concern and worries show on his face. He can have that beat before he needs to compose himself and pretend as though everything is fine. Because it is. It's fine. As long as they're here, it will be okay. Tech turns his head to kiss Jaskier's temple before drawing back to look at him with a smile fixed in place. ]
It would be a perfect ending. There is a part of me that wishes we could meet all over again. If I could meet you while you're young before I ever knew who you were -- before I ever loved anyone else...I could have learned to love the right way. But I guess beggars can't be choosers, huh? It's better I learned at all. It's just...I know I said it before, but there's a purity to your love that makes it special.
[ He shrugs and there's a mild shyness that often comes when he says something he thinks could be interpreted as stupid. The fortunate thing about Jaskier is he doesn't ever make Tech feel as though his sentiments or comments are stupid or invalid. So it's a safe space, but still a vulnerable one. And vulnerability is not something that comes easy to Tech.
Slowly he lets go of Jaskier so he can lean back against the table instead. His eyes flicker toward the fireplace, watching the flame dance and weave. As he looks at it, he's transported back to that tavern. Transported back to a time when Jaskier was left vulnerable and Tech held him, unable to help and making a promise he ultimately couldn't keep. Fuck. Jaskier truly was too good to have forgiven him after all of that -- when Tech became yet another on the list of immortals who disappointed him. ]
Jaskier, can I ask you something?
[ Slowly, he pries his eyes away and looks toward him again. Tech knows the answer is yes. He's free to ask Jaskier anything. Whether Jaskier can answer or not is a different story. But the question itself is more of a verbal pause as Tech weighs what he's going to ask -- whether he should put this out into the world or if the kinder thing would be to leave Jaskier blissfully unaware. But he deserves a choice, doesn't he? There's a chance Tech could slip without thinking about it, so if he has an answer to this question -- perhaps it could prevent him from saying something terrible in the future. ]
If I knew something that was going to happen in your life, something bad, would you want to know about it? Or would you prefer ignorance because your future is yours and has yet to be written and so long as you're here, it won't be the same as it was? And this isn't a prelude to me telling you some terrible thing, don't worry. It's more...if a topic comes up in the future, I want to know where you stand. Whether you prefer ignorance or if you'd want the truth?
[ Yennefer didn't want to know, but Jaskier isn't Yennefer. Even so, his choice might still be the same. He and Yennefer had been on similar wavelengths at points. That isn't likely to change, even if Jaskier hasn't met Yennefer at this point in time. ]
are you actually serious with that?
ok. buckle up, jayce. i'm gonna tell you a story, short and sweet. i met baphomet and he and i became fast friends. we started hooking up, too....with the agreement to be friends with benefits only. fast forward a couple months. i'm there on his hospital bed and i had that 'holy shit, i actually love him' moment. i could have kept my mouth shut. i didn't think he wanted a relationship so i thought about not saying anything. but then i took a chance and told him anyway. because honesty is the only way relationships work. and ya know what? turns out he felt the same way and now we're a thing.
point is, NOTHING kills relationships faster than a lie. and if you keep this a secret from viktor cuz you're afraid of rejection or making things awkward or being selfish....that's the same as lying to him. because you're always gonna feel like you have to hold something back and then what happens if he gets in a relationship with someone else? honestly, man. you got nothing to lose by telling him. you've been partners for 10 years. you're basically married already. he's not gonna stop being your friend even if he doesn't return your feelings.
ok. buckle up, jayce. i'm gonna tell you a story, short and sweet. i met baphomet and he and i became fast friends. we started hooking up, too....with the agreement to be friends with benefits only. fast forward a couple months. i'm there on his hospital bed and i had that 'holy shit, i actually love him' moment. i could have kept my mouth shut. i didn't think he wanted a relationship so i thought about not saying anything. but then i took a chance and told him anyway. because honesty is the only way relationships work. and ya know what? turns out he felt the same way and now we're a thing.
point is, NOTHING kills relationships faster than a lie. and if you keep this a secret from viktor cuz you're afraid of rejection or making things awkward or being selfish....that's the same as lying to him. because you're always gonna feel like you have to hold something back and then what happens if he gets in a relationship with someone else? honestly, man. you got nothing to lose by telling him. you've been partners for 10 years. you're basically married already. he's not gonna stop being your friend even if he doesn't return your feelings.
I...was, yes.
[ Now he is not so sure, and he's a bit overwhelmed because he was not expecting this level of sincerity from Tech. This is stupid of Jayce, he knows, because tech always speaks his mind. The bit about Viktor and him being practically married had Jayce blushing slightly.
It's sweet that Baphomet and Tech have each other, and Jayce is happy for them. Sometimes the stars and planets align in the right way for great things to happen. He's not sure if that will ever happen to him, because he still feels guilty about loving more than one person.
But it feels wrong not to reciprocate Tech's sincerity. ]
I'm really happy for you and Baphomet, and I mean that. You both deserve good things, and I know it's hard to find the right person who makes you feel like it's worth it to be vulnerable in front of them.
Viktor...he knows the best and worst things I've done in life. I wouldn't be alive without him, and I'm not being rhetorical here. If I did something that finally pushed him away, that broke his heart, I wouldn't be able to keep living with myself.
I do love Viktor, that's why it's scary. I do love him, but he's also not the only one. There's Mel back home, whom I wish I could talk to because he deserves at least that much. She is brave and kinder than people realize, and has never had enough tenderness in her life. And here there's also...someone else I grew very close to these last months in Folkmore, his name is K. He is someone who I'm afraid I might lose too, either because of my inaction here in this world, or to his fate if he goes back to his own universe. It's...it's complicated.
[ It was learning what might happen to K when he goes back to his world that also made Jayce realize he couldn't bear the thought of losing the man. He hates the idea of K disappearing, of being lost and afraid, of dying thinking no one loved him. It's not right, it's not the truth.
Jayce is glad this is a text conversation because he's gotten anxious, teary eyes are shifting to blue, and his chest feels tight, like there's barbed wire around his heart,squeezing some more every passing second. ]
Do you understand now? I'm being too selfish, that's why I can't tell him. Because it's me who doesn't deserve any of them.
[ Now he is not so sure, and he's a bit overwhelmed because he was not expecting this level of sincerity from Tech. This is stupid of Jayce, he knows, because tech always speaks his mind. The bit about Viktor and him being practically married had Jayce blushing slightly.
It's sweet that Baphomet and Tech have each other, and Jayce is happy for them. Sometimes the stars and planets align in the right way for great things to happen. He's not sure if that will ever happen to him, because he still feels guilty about loving more than one person.
But it feels wrong not to reciprocate Tech's sincerity. ]
I'm really happy for you and Baphomet, and I mean that. You both deserve good things, and I know it's hard to find the right person who makes you feel like it's worth it to be vulnerable in front of them.
Viktor...he knows the best and worst things I've done in life. I wouldn't be alive without him, and I'm not being rhetorical here. If I did something that finally pushed him away, that broke his heart, I wouldn't be able to keep living with myself.
I do love Viktor, that's why it's scary. I do love him, but he's also not the only one. There's Mel back home, whom I wish I could talk to because he deserves at least that much. She is brave and kinder than people realize, and has never had enough tenderness in her life. And here there's also...someone else I grew very close to these last months in Folkmore, his name is K. He is someone who I'm afraid I might lose too, either because of my inaction here in this world, or to his fate if he goes back to his own universe. It's...it's complicated.
[ It was learning what might happen to K when he goes back to his world that also made Jayce realize he couldn't bear the thought of losing the man. He hates the idea of K disappearing, of being lost and afraid, of dying thinking no one loved him. It's not right, it's not the truth.
Jayce is glad this is a text conversation because he's gotten anxious, teary eyes are shifting to blue, and his chest feels tight, like there's barbed wire around his heart,squeezing some more every passing second. ]
Do you understand now? I'm being too selfish, that's why I can't tell him. Because it's me who doesn't deserve any of them.
[ There's a brief moment where the world feels a little like its spinning off its axis. While Tech has come to believe it's possible to love multiple people, it hits very different seeing K's name among the list of Jayce's. The other people are human (or close enough to it) that they can decide and know the implications of romance. K is still trying to figure himself out and the things he wants. Maybe it's possible K wants Jayce. But that has to be for K to decide. And Tech worries. He worries because as a general rule humans cannot be trusted. No matter how nice they are or if they come in the form of legends. They don't know what they're doing with technology. In terms of technology, and to quote Jurassic Park here, humans are so preoccupied with whether they could, they don't stop to think if they should.
K's entire race was created to be a slave to humanity and put out of commission when they broke the rules. Used, abused, and discarded. Here, K is free. And Tech simply doesn't know Jayce enough to trust him with K's heart. So there's a prolonged pause before he replies, and in place of the advice of before comes a fierce protectiveness. ]
k is NOT a possession or a commodity to be 'kept' simply because you're worried about his fate and future. you better examine your heart and you better be 120% certain you are interested in him because if you hurt him in any way, there will be consequences. i will not see him go through the same hurts i went through the first time i involved myself romantically with a human. he might have parameters in place to allow him to not harm a human, but i do not.
[ Thinly veiled threats aside... ]
that said, you ARE being selfish. the primary way you're being selfish is by deciding NOT to tell viktor and let him decide what he wants to do with the information. you're deciding it for him and that's even more unfair than laying all your cards on the table. simply because you have a hard time loving you doesn't mean you should keep the opportunity from other people, dude.
K's entire race was created to be a slave to humanity and put out of commission when they broke the rules. Used, abused, and discarded. Here, K is free. And Tech simply doesn't know Jayce enough to trust him with K's heart. So there's a prolonged pause before he replies, and in place of the advice of before comes a fierce protectiveness. ]
k is NOT a possession or a commodity to be 'kept' simply because you're worried about his fate and future. you better examine your heart and you better be 120% certain you are interested in him because if you hurt him in any way, there will be consequences. i will not see him go through the same hurts i went through the first time i involved myself romantically with a human. he might have parameters in place to allow him to not harm a human, but i do not.
[ Thinly veiled threats aside... ]
that said, you ARE being selfish. the primary way you're being selfish is by deciding NOT to tell viktor and let him decide what he wants to do with the information. you're deciding it for him and that's even more unfair than laying all your cards on the table. simply because you have a hard time loving you doesn't mean you should keep the opportunity from other people, dude.
Edited 2023-03-06 11:44 (UTC)
[Jaskier is none the wiser about the dual function for the tighter embrace. He just settles into it for as long as it lasts, content with their shared warmth and the safety he finds in Tech's arms. It makes him a little reluctant to let Tech go when he pulls away to lean against the table, but he doesn't make it particularly difficult for Tech to settle back into his own space. And even if the first question is a filler and Tech already knows the answer before he says the words, Jaskier still nods.]
[His brow furrows a little though at the proper question if only because no matter how much Tech is trying to frame this as a hypothetical question... He just can't help but wonder how much it truly is hypothetical. And he's torn. Immediately, he's torn. Who wouldn't want to know their future when it's there so easily accessible? After all, it's not like Jaskier can really claim to be displeased to know of his great future success. But at the same time, who wants to know their entire life without having the opportunity to have lived it for themselves? And even beyond that who wants to know the terrible things that lie in wait for them in their future?]
I, ah... I don't know, [he admits quietly, wetting his lips as he continues to wrestle with which side of the matter he truly finds himself landing. Jaskier's gaze flicks away from Tech to the pile of spruce twigs behind him. Tech says it's not a prelude to telling him something terrible now, but what about later? Why else could it be a topic that comes up in the future if there wasn't something Tech wasn't saying? There really seems to be no one "good" way forward as far as all that's concerned. Either he pushes for that something to be said and it hangs over his head like a dark cloud, or he remains ignorant of the details that he can perhaps ignore it or otherwise forget about it, and stay focused on what's in front of him. Jaskier lifts his gaze after a moment longer.] If I ask you directly about my future, I want the truth. No matter how unpleasant it might be or how much it might frighten or hurt me to know, I want to know all of it.
[Because as far as Jaskier can tell here and now, unless there's a good enough reason to ask, Jaskier hasn't been particularly motivated to know his future. His gaze flits away again before returning to Tech.]
But if I don't ask, I don't want to know because it's true. Neither of us really know what my future is going to be, [he says, placing a hand over the center of his own chest. Jaskier shakes his head slightly as his hand lowers back down to his side.] So there's no sense in tying ourselves into knots over something that hasn't happened and might very well never happen.
[The Jaskier Tech knew in Penance likely would have emphasized that worrying so much about the future would mean losing out on the present. That it would be so much harder to be here and now if they were so wrapped up and consumed by the future to not pay any mind for what's in front of them. But the Jaskier in front of Tech now doesn't have that perspective. Or, at the very least, it's not yet so deeply ingrained within him by all his experiences that the transient nature of a moment calls to him as something so very important that it's natural to speak of it. Instead, that conclusion is left more implication than anything because with youth comes the natural excitement of what's yet to come.]
[His brow furrows a little though at the proper question if only because no matter how much Tech is trying to frame this as a hypothetical question... He just can't help but wonder how much it truly is hypothetical. And he's torn. Immediately, he's torn. Who wouldn't want to know their future when it's there so easily accessible? After all, it's not like Jaskier can really claim to be displeased to know of his great future success. But at the same time, who wants to know their entire life without having the opportunity to have lived it for themselves? And even beyond that who wants to know the terrible things that lie in wait for them in their future?]
I, ah... I don't know, [he admits quietly, wetting his lips as he continues to wrestle with which side of the matter he truly finds himself landing. Jaskier's gaze flicks away from Tech to the pile of spruce twigs behind him. Tech says it's not a prelude to telling him something terrible now, but what about later? Why else could it be a topic that comes up in the future if there wasn't something Tech wasn't saying? There really seems to be no one "good" way forward as far as all that's concerned. Either he pushes for that something to be said and it hangs over his head like a dark cloud, or he remains ignorant of the details that he can perhaps ignore it or otherwise forget about it, and stay focused on what's in front of him. Jaskier lifts his gaze after a moment longer.] If I ask you directly about my future, I want the truth. No matter how unpleasant it might be or how much it might frighten or hurt me to know, I want to know all of it.
[Because as far as Jaskier can tell here and now, unless there's a good enough reason to ask, Jaskier hasn't been particularly motivated to know his future. His gaze flits away again before returning to Tech.]
But if I don't ask, I don't want to know because it's true. Neither of us really know what my future is going to be, [he says, placing a hand over the center of his own chest. Jaskier shakes his head slightly as his hand lowers back down to his side.] So there's no sense in tying ourselves into knots over something that hasn't happened and might very well never happen.
[The Jaskier Tech knew in Penance likely would have emphasized that worrying so much about the future would mean losing out on the present. That it would be so much harder to be here and now if they were so wrapped up and consumed by the future to not pay any mind for what's in front of them. But the Jaskier in front of Tech now doesn't have that perspective. Or, at the very least, it's not yet so deeply ingrained within him by all his experiences that the transient nature of a moment calls to him as something so very important that it's natural to speak of it. Instead, that conclusion is left more implication than anything because with youth comes the natural excitement of what's yet to come.]
[Valentine's Day does not exist on the Continent, but Jaskier's heard enough chatter about it from everyone that he believes he has a handle on it. Thus the morning of the fourteenth, Tech will receive a delivery from one of the local courier services. Rather than a bouquet of the traditional roses, Jaskier has sent a bouquet of sunflowers and orange alstroemeria with sprigs of baby's breath. There's also a teddy bear dressed quite coincidentally quite similar to a particular bard. Most importantly though is around the bear's neck is a chain, attached to which is a key to Jaskier's treehouse.]
[ Jayce is a bit taken aback by the sudden shift in the mood, but once he gets over the intensity of Tech's response, he can't help but smile a little. He knows about K's life back home, how unfair and cruel it is, and the last thing Jayce wanted was for K to feel like he's not safe here, so Tech being so protective of him is very telling of their relationship.
He turns his replies into video, so Tech can see his face because Jayce feels like text alone doesn't always convey messages properly, especially important ones. ]
Ey. [ He looks serious, but his voice is low and sincere. He's giving Tech a look that can be read as appreciation despite the previous message they shared. ] I'm glad to know that K has someone who looks after him so fiercely. He needs more people like that. I can just give you my word, and you can choose to believe me or not, but trust me when I tell you that he means a great deal to me too, and I don't want to see him hurt.
In the end, if I tell him how I feel,..if I manage that, it will always be his decision. I wouldn't make K do anything he doesn't want to. [ Tech is free to kick his ass if that happens, and Jayce wouldn't even try to defend himself. ] As for Viktor...ah, I know you're right. Probably. It's just difficult, it's all. I'll try to do better.
He turns his replies into video, so Tech can see his face because Jayce feels like text alone doesn't always convey messages properly, especially important ones. ]
Ey. [ He looks serious, but his voice is low and sincere. He's giving Tech a look that can be read as appreciation despite the previous message they shared. ] I'm glad to know that K has someone who looks after him so fiercely. He needs more people like that. I can just give you my word, and you can choose to believe me or not, but trust me when I tell you that he means a great deal to me too, and I don't want to see him hurt.
In the end, if I tell him how I feel,..if I manage that, it will always be his decision. I wouldn't make K do anything he doesn't want to. [ Tech is free to kick his ass if that happens, and Jayce wouldn't even try to defend himself. ] As for Viktor...ah, I know you're right. Probably. It's just difficult, it's all. I'll try to do better.
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