ok. buckle up, jayce. i'm gonna tell you a story, short and sweet. i met baphomet and he and i became fast friends. we started hooking up, too....with the agreement to be friends with benefits only. fast forward a couple months. i'm there on his hospital bed and i had that 'holy shit, i actually love him' moment. i could have kept my mouth shut. i didn't think he wanted a relationship so i thought about not saying anything. but then i took a chance and told him anyway. because honesty is the only way relationships work. and ya know what? turns out he felt the same way and now we're a thing.
point is, NOTHING kills relationships faster than a lie. and if you keep this a secret from viktor cuz you're afraid of rejection or making things awkward or being selfish....that's the same as lying to him. because you're always gonna feel like you have to hold something back and then what happens if he gets in a relationship with someone else? honestly, man. you got nothing to lose by telling him. you've been partners for 10 years. you're basically married already. he's not gonna stop being your friend even if he doesn't return your feelings.
[ Now he is not so sure, and he's a bit overwhelmed because he was not expecting this level of sincerity from Tech. This is stupid of Jayce, he knows, because tech always speaks his mind. The bit about Viktor and him being practically married had Jayce blushing slightly.
It's sweet that Baphomet and Tech have each other, and Jayce is happy for them. Sometimes the stars and planets align in the right way for great things to happen. He's not sure if that will ever happen to him, because he still feels guilty about loving more than one person.
But it feels wrong not to reciprocate Tech's sincerity. ]
I'm really happy for you and Baphomet, and I mean that. You both deserve good things, and I know it's hard to find the right person who makes you feel like it's worth it to be vulnerable in front of them.
Viktor...he knows the best and worst things I've done in life. I wouldn't be alive without him, and I'm not being rhetorical here. If I did something that finally pushed him away, that broke his heart, I wouldn't be able to keep living with myself.
I do love Viktor, that's why it's scary. I do love him, but he's also not the only one. There's Mel back home, whom I wish I could talk to because he deserves at least that much. She is brave and kinder than people realize, and has never had enough tenderness in her life. And here there's also...someone else I grew very close to these last months in Folkmore, his name is K. He is someone who I'm afraid I might lose too, either because of my inaction here in this world, or to his fate if he goes back to his own universe. It's...it's complicated.
[ It was learning what might happen to K when he goes back to his world that also made Jayce realize he couldn't bear the thought of losing the man. He hates the idea of K disappearing, of being lost and afraid, of dying thinking no one loved him. It's not right, it's not the truth.
Jayce is glad this is a text conversation because he's gotten anxious, teary eyes are shifting to blue, and his chest feels tight, like there's barbed wire around his heart,squeezing some more every passing second. ]
Do you understand now? I'm being too selfish, that's why I can't tell him. Because it's me who doesn't deserve any of them.
[ There's a brief moment where the world feels a little like its spinning off its axis. While Tech has come to believe it's possible to love multiple people, it hits very different seeing K's name among the list of Jayce's. The other people are human (or close enough to it) that they can decide and know the implications of romance. K is still trying to figure himself out and the things he wants. Maybe it's possible K wants Jayce. But that has to be for K to decide. And Tech worries. He worries because as a general rule humans cannot be trusted. No matter how nice they are or if they come in the form of legends. They don't know what they're doing with technology. In terms of technology, and to quote Jurassic Park here, humans are so preoccupied with whether they could, they don't stop to think if they should.
K's entire race was created to be a slave to humanity and put out of commission when they broke the rules. Used, abused, and discarded. Here, K is free. And Tech simply doesn't know Jayce enough to trust him with K's heart. So there's a prolonged pause before he replies, and in place of the advice of before comes a fierce protectiveness. ]
k is NOT a possession or a commodity to be 'kept' simply because you're worried about his fate and future. you better examine your heart and you better be 120% certain you are interested in him because if you hurt him in any way, there will be consequences. i will not see him go through the same hurts i went through the first time i involved myself romantically with a human. he might have parameters in place to allow him to not harm a human, but i do not.
[ Thinly veiled threats aside... ]
that said, you ARE being selfish. the primary way you're being selfish is by deciding NOT to tell viktor and let him decide what he wants to do with the information. you're deciding it for him and that's even more unfair than laying all your cards on the table. simply because you have a hard time loving you doesn't mean you should keep the opportunity from other people, dude.
[ Jayce is a bit taken aback by the sudden shift in the mood, but once he gets over the intensity of Tech's response, he can't help but smile a little. He knows about K's life back home, how unfair and cruel it is, and the last thing Jayce wanted was for K to feel like he's not safe here, so Tech being so protective of him is very telling of their relationship.
He turns his replies into video, so Tech can see his face because Jayce feels like text alone doesn't always convey messages properly, especially important ones. ]
Ey. [ He looks serious, but his voice is low and sincere. He's giving Tech a look that can be read as appreciation despite the previous message they shared. ] I'm glad to know that K has someone who looks after him so fiercely. He needs more people like that. I can just give you my word, and you can choose to believe me or not, but trust me when I tell you that he means a great deal to me too, and I don't want to see him hurt.
In the end, if I tell him how I feel,..if I manage that, it will always be his decision. I wouldn't make K do anything he doesn't want to. [ Tech is free to kick his ass if that happens, and Jayce wouldn't even try to defend himself. ] As for Viktor...ah, I know you're right. Probably. It's just difficult, it's all. I'll try to do better.
[ Tech doesn't often like the video function on these devices, but he can recognize the very human need for them sometimes. Especially with those who are from an older sort of world. Jaskier didn't often like text for the same reasons. Well, the version Tech had known in Penance anyway. So, it's with reluctance that Tech makes the switch to video and the expression on his face remains skeptical for a moment as Jayce gives his word because Tech doesn't know him well enough to know what his word means. In his experience with humans, their word can be fleeting -- meaning something only until something better comes along.
But the skepticism eases as Jayce affirms he will allow the decision to be K's decision. It's a good enough start. Tech just hopes in hope -- that this will be something good for K and not the opposite. Jayce is a legend. That makes him a good man. If he were a myth, maybe Tech would put an end to it immediately or at least interrogate to a greater degree. But he's not. This place deemed Jayce a hero and that makes him better than Tech Boy to that end. A better option for K. ]
What you need to understand about people like K and myself is we have seen the worst of humanity, but at the same time, we are plagued by this feeling of loneliness and wanting to belong to someone. In the place I was at before this one, I fell in love twice and got burned by it. In both cases because they found someone they deemed better than me, and it turned out in the end, they found each other and left me behind.
You're not them. I know that. But I also can't help but worry K will take a chance and potentially be burned by that choice. I can't see him be hurt like I was. I can't see him lose hope and become jaded about relationships. I don't want him to know that darkness, so you gotta forgive me if I give you the third degree, if I watch you a little closer and question your motives. Because I love K, too.
[ Tech doesn't necessarily mean it that way (although he also doesn't NOT mean it that way), but there's little denying what he feels is a love. A fierce, protective love to make absolutely certain K is happy above all else. ]
[ ooc: omg, I'm sorry, I thought I had replied to this weeks ago. If you want to drop this I totally understand. ]
[ Jayce still isn't very fast when it comes to typing using the relic (and he doesn't like to make grammar mistakes), because this kind of technology doesn't exist yet in this world. That's why he often prefers video, even if in this case it was because he wanted Tech to see him.
He listens to Tech and doesn't answer immediately, not about to dismiss any of what's been said because Jayce knows is the truth. K's reality was terrible like that, at least, since he's still getting to know Tech so Jayce doesn't know his hardship. He doesn't doubt him, though. ]
That's really rough, I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to go through all that, even more than once.
Relationships are also a new thing to me, I never had a lasting partner before, or that many flings either. I was very work focused. So I might make mistakes, even if I try not to, but I don't want to cause K any grief.
I don't mind the third degree, sometimes we need to keep others accountable and remind them of what's truly important. As I said already, I'm glad K has people like you in his life.
[ As a friend or as someone who loves K more than that. Jayce actually interprets it as the last option, but sometimes there's very little difference. ]
Thank you, Tech, for letting me know and for keeping me on my toes.
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no subject
ok. buckle up, jayce. i'm gonna tell you a story, short and sweet. i met baphomet and he and i became fast friends. we started hooking up, too....with the agreement to be friends with benefits only. fast forward a couple months. i'm there on his hospital bed and i had that 'holy shit, i actually love him' moment. i could have kept my mouth shut. i didn't think he wanted a relationship so i thought about not saying anything. but then i took a chance and told him anyway. because honesty is the only way relationships work. and ya know what? turns out he felt the same way and now we're a thing.
point is, NOTHING kills relationships faster than a lie. and if you keep this a secret from viktor cuz you're afraid of rejection or making things awkward or being selfish....that's the same as lying to him. because you're always gonna feel like you have to hold something back and then what happens if he gets in a relationship with someone else? honestly, man. you got nothing to lose by telling him. you've been partners for 10 years. you're basically married already. he's not gonna stop being your friend even if he doesn't return your feelings.
no subject
[ Now he is not so sure, and he's a bit overwhelmed because he was not expecting this level of sincerity from Tech. This is stupid of Jayce, he knows, because tech always speaks his mind. The bit about Viktor and him being practically married had Jayce blushing slightly.
It's sweet that Baphomet and Tech have each other, and Jayce is happy for them. Sometimes the stars and planets align in the right way for great things to happen. He's not sure if that will ever happen to him, because he still feels guilty about loving more than one person.
But it feels wrong not to reciprocate Tech's sincerity. ]
I'm really happy for you and Baphomet, and I mean that. You both deserve good things, and I know it's hard to find the right person who makes you feel like it's worth it to be vulnerable in front of them.
Viktor...he knows the best and worst things I've done in life. I wouldn't be alive without him, and I'm not being rhetorical here. If I did something that finally pushed him away, that broke his heart, I wouldn't be able to keep living with myself.
I do love Viktor, that's why it's scary. I do love him, but he's also not the only one. There's Mel back home, whom I wish I could talk to because he deserves at least that much. She is brave and kinder than people realize, and has never had enough tenderness in her life. And here there's also...someone else I grew very close to these last months in Folkmore, his name is K. He is someone who I'm afraid I might lose too, either because of my inaction here in this world, or to his fate if he goes back to his own universe. It's...it's complicated.
[ It was learning what might happen to K when he goes back to his world that also made Jayce realize he couldn't bear the thought of losing the man. He hates the idea of K disappearing, of being lost and afraid, of dying thinking no one loved him. It's not right, it's not the truth.
Jayce is glad this is a text conversation because he's gotten anxious, teary eyes are shifting to blue, and his chest feels tight, like there's barbed wire around his heart,squeezing some more every passing second. ]
Do you understand now? I'm being too selfish, that's why I can't tell him. Because it's me who doesn't deserve any of them.
no subject
K's entire race was created to be a slave to humanity and put out of commission when they broke the rules. Used, abused, and discarded. Here, K is free. And Tech simply doesn't know Jayce enough to trust him with K's heart. So there's a prolonged pause before he replies, and in place of the advice of before comes a fierce protectiveness. ]
k is NOT a possession or a commodity to be 'kept' simply because you're worried about his fate and future. you better examine your heart and you better be 120% certain you are interested in him because if you hurt him in any way, there will be consequences. i will not see him go through the same hurts i went through the first time i involved myself romantically with a human. he might have parameters in place to allow him to not harm a human, but i do not.
[ Thinly veiled threats aside... ]
that said, you ARE being selfish. the primary way you're being selfish is by deciding NOT to tell viktor and let him decide what he wants to do with the information. you're deciding it for him and that's even more unfair than laying all your cards on the table. simply because you have a hard time loving you doesn't mean you should keep the opportunity from other people, dude.
>Video
He turns his replies into video, so Tech can see his face because Jayce feels like text alone doesn't always convey messages properly, especially important ones. ]
Ey. [ He looks serious, but his voice is low and sincere. He's giving Tech a look that can be read as appreciation despite the previous message they shared. ] I'm glad to know that K has someone who looks after him so fiercely. He needs more people like that. I can just give you my word, and you can choose to believe me or not, but trust me when I tell you that he means a great deal to me too, and I don't want to see him hurt.
In the end, if I tell him how I feel,..if I manage that, it will always be his decision. I wouldn't make K do anything he doesn't want to. [ Tech is free to kick his ass if that happens, and Jayce wouldn't even try to defend himself. ] As for Viktor...ah, I know you're right. Probably. It's just difficult, it's all. I'll try to do better.
no subject
But the skepticism eases as Jayce affirms he will allow the decision to be K's decision. It's a good enough start. Tech just hopes in hope -- that this will be something good for K and not the opposite. Jayce is a legend. That makes him a good man. If he were a myth, maybe Tech would put an end to it immediately or at least interrogate to a greater degree. But he's not. This place deemed Jayce a hero and that makes him better than Tech Boy to that end. A better option for K. ]
What you need to understand about people like K and myself is we have seen the worst of humanity, but at the same time, we are plagued by this feeling of loneliness and wanting to belong to someone. In the place I was at before this one, I fell in love twice and got burned by it. In both cases because they found someone they deemed better than me, and it turned out in the end, they found each other and left me behind.
You're not them. I know that. But I also can't help but worry K will take a chance and potentially be burned by that choice. I can't see him be hurt like I was. I can't see him lose hope and become jaded about relationships. I don't want him to know that darkness, so you gotta forgive me if I give you the third degree, if I watch you a little closer and question your motives. Because I love K, too.
[ Tech doesn't necessarily mean it that way (although he also doesn't NOT mean it that way), but there's little denying what he feels is a love. A fierce, protective love to make absolutely certain K is happy above all else. ]
no subject
[ Jayce still isn't very fast when it comes to typing using the relic (and he doesn't like to make grammar mistakes), because this kind of technology doesn't exist yet in this world. That's why he often prefers video, even if in this case it was because he wanted Tech to see him.
He listens to Tech and doesn't answer immediately, not about to dismiss any of what's been said because Jayce knows is the truth. K's reality was terrible like that, at least, since he's still getting to know Tech so Jayce doesn't know his hardship. He doesn't doubt him, though. ]
That's really rough, I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to go through all that, even more than once.
Relationships are also a new thing to me, I never had a lasting partner before, or that many flings either. I was very work focused. So I might make mistakes, even if I try not to, but I don't want to cause K any grief.
I don't mind the third degree, sometimes we need to keep others accountable and remind them of what's truly important. As I said already, I'm glad K has people like you in his life.
[ As a friend or as someone who loves K more than that. Jayce actually interprets it as the last option, but sometimes there's very little difference. ]
Thank you, Tech, for letting me know and for keeping me on my toes.