[Jaskier loves Tech. He loves him fiercely. He loves him in a way he's yet to experience with anyone else wherein it doesn't feel like it's to be a passing thing or a pleasant way to spend his time. Oh, the butterflies in the belly are there every now and again because of Tech's words or his affectionate gestures. And Jaskier recognizes the way he sometimes feels lightheaded or like he's floating just at the very thought of Tech. Jaskier knows what it is to be in love. He just filled an entire book expounding upon it for Tech in both borrowed and his own words. But it wasn't just talking about the bits he knows already. As best he could, Jaskier used those words to try and explain and articulate the parts of this love he is less familiar with. A task that, at times, was frustrating as for the first time for Jaskier, the words seemed to fall short. In some ways, he's glad he doesn't appear to be the only one though with Tech laying claim to every love song in existence and will be as theirs. Not even a god can find all the right words for every part of it.]
[But Jaskier's not there yet. He's not yet arrived at the thought that Tech is home. It may be because it's too soon in their relationship from his perspective even if he recognizes it as being so very important to the both of them. It may be because he's not yet of the mindset where a home is something he craves because there's too much drive to prove himself capable of standing on his own two feet. Whichever the case, Jaskier's not there yet.]
[But Tech is safety. He's safety and warmth, and Jaskier trusts him more than anyone else in this place. And so, when there isn't any sign of complicated dance moves, Jaskier naturally nestles right in, resting his head on Tech's shoulder and placing his face in the crook of Tech's neck to breathe him in with eyes gently closed.]
[Quietly, he murmurs beneath the music,] I could stay just like this forever.
[Jaskier said this once before. In Wintermute. After they made love for the final time that night and Jaskier didn't so much directly demand being held so much as simply opted to use Tech as his pillow and leave very little choice in the matter. It earned him a bit of teasing at first, of course, given his tendency to want to stay in bed for as long as he possibly can. After a light pinch to Tech's side for getting cheeky, he clarified what he meant.]
[He doesn't think he needs to clarify this time.]
[Before the song's end, Jaskier presses a kiss first to Tech's pulse point beneath his jaw before he opens his eyes and lifts his head. Jaskier's lips meet Tech's in another kiss, not attempting to be necessarily chaste, but certainly gentle and sweet as one hand finds its way to trace and caress Tech's cheek. As they kiss, Jaskier fully releases his hold on Tech to bring his other hand up to his chest, careful not to rest it anywhere near the center of Tech's chest above his heart as he stays committed to offering another touch instead. With a soft sigh, Jaskier brings the kiss to a gentle end.]
I'm glad we found each other, too. Even if it won't always be this simple and easy... It will always be worth it. [The hand at Tech's chest moves so Jaskier can have a hold of him again.] You will always be worth it.
[ Tech could playfully tease if they stayed like this forever, the turkey would burn and no wreaths would be made and Jaskier would very easily tire after a few days of standing upright. But it's not really the space for playful teasing. Instead, he lets Jaskier's words remain with only a hum of acknowledgement and agreement. Any time Tech has with Jaskier feels like it's stolen, like there will be consequences to come from some keeper of time. But fuck it if Tech wouldn't gladly face them and steal forever to be able to be with this bard. Until he met Jaskier, there had been an emptiness in his soul -- a void he tried to fill to no avail. Life only truly began when their paths intersected.
As the song dwindles down and ends with a kiss, Tech leans into it -- fingers digging into the fabric of Jaskier's shirt. And as it tapers off into Jaskier's words, Tech shakes his head in quiet confusion. ]
I love you too, Jules. But why won't it be simple and easy?
[ Tech isn't naive. He knows love isn't all sparkles and rainbows. All relationships, even good relationships come with their ups and downs. But the confusion is less about that aspect and more the love itself. For Tech, loving Jaskier has always been simple and easy. Even this version of Jaskier he loved before he was willing to admit it. The hardest part about this relationship had been how much Tech tried to deny it and prevent it from happening.
It's not the same as before. Of course it's not the same. There was a depth between his and Jaskier's relationship in Penance, a deep connection wherein they were two broken pieces finding something whole in one another. And while Tech would consider himself still broken, undeniably his time with that Jaskier had glued him together in a more complete way. It paved the road for him to love a younger Jaskier, a man who had yet to break. It molded Tech into the sort of person who has a place in this Jaskier's life. A Jaskier of before did that. The Jaskier of now benefits from it. And all of it had been a simple thing once Tech stopped being his own obstacle. ]
We're inevitable. Do you know how many times I almost kissed you in the woods that night we first met? You talked about how your world only came into contact with another world two thousand years ago, and yet it happened for us. Twice. And that was the moment when I fell in love with you again. The hardest, and honestly stupidest, thing I did was try to deny I loved you.
[ Both that night and the month of solitude that followed. ]
[Before Jaskier can begin to form even the barest start of an answer to Tech's question—because even if they both know the answer, there needs to be a delicate touch provided in its explanation all the same for the sake of both their hearts—Tech provides his counter-argument to anything Jaskier might say. All at once, Jaskier feels like his heart's leapt into his throat and all the air's been stolen from his lungs. It's not that Tech's love is a heavy thing. Calling it that would be likening it to a burden, and Jaskier refuses to believe love can ever be a burden. Not when it's real and true, and this love between them most certainly is exactly that with the way it's persisted with that ring on Tech's finger and Tech's arms around Jaskier now. But there's something to Tech's love when he says things like this. When it's more than just the typical affection.]
[It's dizzying. It's intoxicating. And it's a little terrifying if Jaskier's honest because it's one thing to hear the promise to love and cherish him. It's another to feel it so intensely and strongly in moments like this. A part of him balks at it, of course, and he worries what if Tech has it all wrong? What if Tech wakes up one day and realizes that Jaskier's love, the one he has here, really isn't the one he wants? Or what if he becomes impatient with Jaskier's bouts of immaturity and doesn't want to waste time waiting for Jaskier to be that person he's always held in such high regard, believed to be so special?]
[But before the spiral can take hold, Jaskier remembers what he said: it will always be worth it. Even if Tech somehow does have it wrong. Even if this all ends in heartbreak. It will be worth it to love Tech. To be loved by him. To find each other again and again across worlds.]
[There's so much that Jaskier wants to say and ask. He gets as far as drawing a breath and his lips part, but no words manage to push past the rest enough for anything to come out. Jaskier closes his mouth, looking down for a moment as he blinks rapidly against the burning at the back of his eyes and for once he doesn't feel entirely foolish for being so easily overcome by his own emotions.]
[Inevitable.]
[Soulmates.]
[What other explanation can there be for Tech to love him now? Jaskier doesn't really know who he is. He knows who he would like to be, would like to imagine he has some idea of how to become that person, but he doesn't know. But Tech doesn't just love him now because of that future. He wouldn't have made that entire forest of lights for the Jaskier he knew. Not like that. He loves Jaskier exactly as he is right now. Ambitious, but uncertain. Driven even if a bit directionless at times. Immature and insecure all the while being entirely confident with natural intuition.]
...You, ah... [Jaskier lifts his gaze.] You never did tell me how exactly we fell in love the first time.
[He wants to know, of course. There's a curiosity in Jaskier that's persisted even beyond the moments when parts of him were certain he never wanted to know. But perhaps more important than his own curiosity, if Tech can be brave enough to fall for him, Jaskier thinks he can be brave enough to let their story be his, too. Even if it hasn't happened for him yet.]
[ The statement catches him off guard. Tech's not sure he can trust it. It sounds like a suggestion or an invitation for Tech to talk about his previous relationship, but can Jaskier handle it? Does he want to know? Or is this a test of some kind? Or, although Jaskier might not seem like the type, maybe it's the sort of manipulation lovers do to trap their partner into admitting something they will subsequently hold against them forever.
Or maybe Jaskier just wants to know. Maybe there's nothing more to it than that.
So, as Tech's thumb traces the band of the ring around his finger and the other hand continues to hold tight to the bard in his arms, he proceeds with caution. Tech takes care to not get swept away in the story and to be mindful of the feelings of the bard in front of him. Any purse of lips, any steeling of blue eyes, any tension in his body will be his cue to stop. ]
Well, it was similar to this. We just crashed into each others lives, this time in a hotel lobby. You were there, trying to wake up as if from a dream and I came storming in to drag you back to reality in the most pessimistic way possible...as I have a tendency to do.
[ He offers Jaskier a humored smile -- after all, hadn't this Jaskier experienced it himself? ]
But you were gracious and I was charmed by how you kept weaving in and out of my space with your little touches and friendly gestures. I'd gone most of my life to my memory without being touched, so any time anyone was willing...
[ A helpless shrug is offered. Tech knows it makes him sound pathetic. Maybe even desperate. But that wasn't what made him fall in love. No, that moment was more special than that. ]
I asked you to sing me a song and you asked me for a mood or a sound. Something that would please me. So I played you a song on my phone, like I just did now. And you were so enamored by it. It was your first brush with technology and what it could do, and you were enamored. And it had been a very long time since anyone took to technology the way you did -- so I was enamored by your reaction and even more when you sang. And that was the moment right there when we fell in love.
[ Tech can't help the wistful smile on his face as he relives the moment, experiencing the memory in crystal clarity. ]
I had a girlfriend at the time. And we were in a monogamous relationship -- so I, again, refused to admit to myself what I was feeling. But the more time you and I spent around each other -- the more that became an impossible task. So the problem became less how to deny loving you and more how to love you. We figured it out. You, me and Ava became a relationship and it was...the happiest I'd ever been, really.
[ More and more, Tech is able to say her name. Ava. She's no longer a phantom whose very name pierces his heart with grief. Perhaps that was a gift Jaskier of Penance gave him as well -- losing him forced Tech to sit uncomfortably in his grief and to find less self-destructive ways to deal with it. Rather than try to run away from the pain, Tech held onto it -- because the pain was all he had left of that Jaskier. Even now, it hurts. God does it hurt, like someone's taking a vice to his lungs and squeezing them of air.
But he swallows it because he is with Jaskier still. Perhaps not in the same way, but he is here and Tech vowed to be present and in the moment with this Jaskier. Not stuck in the past. ]
I guess the point mostly is, nothing grand or world shattering ever happens between us. We meet, we talk, and love follows. And it happens almost immediately...
[ Tech wonders -- he wonders if they had more time in that memory, the memory where Jaskier had been heartbroken right before that mage showed up...if it would have been the same there. Tech had thought because of that memory, there was no chance Jaskier would fall in love with him again. But they hadn't been given time. If they spoke for a night, even in Jaskier's deepest grief -- perhaps he could have found their love again. Because even at their worst, even in Tech's frustration and Jaskier's deep pain -- Jaskier hadn't walked away from him. He started to, but he didn't and they stuck close to one another until it all melted into something of a nightmare.
But this Jaskier fell in love with him and that gives Tech hope -- because if he can hold an eighteen year old's attention span long enough to settle in this wonderful kind of love, hell. He could probably meet Jaskier anywhere at any stage in his life and find his way to this again. Tech just had to let himself love him and Jaskier would find his way toward their light.
He leans forward, tenderly kissing Jaskier's forehead. ]
Loving you is easy. The only complications we have are self-made. Usually by me. I'm the problem. Hi.
[ He laughs, slipping a hand away to comb through Jaskier's bangs and regard him fondly. ]
[Jaskier reflects back his smile as Tech highlights his tendency to initially greet Jaskier with pessimism, and it doesn't leave as Tech continues to tell the story of how they met and fell in love the first time. It's quieter at times, perhaps even a touch smaller, but it never disappears. Because any quiet from Jaskier right now isn't one borne from pain or insecurity, but rather from his intention to listen. It's not just Tech's words, after all, that he doesn't want to disrupt, but all the feelings behind them as well and they deserve to be heard and seen just as much as anything Tech says.]
[They're beautiful, Jaskier thinks in an easy, natural conclusion. The full range of them—from Tech's warm nostalgia and unspoken longing for the Jaskier he knew to the tender affection and easy love for the Jaskier in front of him—is simply beautiful. But even with that easy conclusion, there's still moments where it feels more complicated than that. It's as though parts of it are a bit like fireflies against the night sky. They mingle in the starlight and form their own breathtaking constellations to be admired, but unlike those far above, they aren't meant to watch the world below for centuries upon centuries. They're there for a moment and then they're gone again. That's how it feels when feelings for the Jaskier Tech knew rise to the surface the way they do. It's not a spark of insecurity or honestly even jealousy, but Jaskier wishes he could capture it for himself for longer than a moment. Even with all the adoration and love Tech pours into him as he is now, he's selfish and greedy, and he wants it all.]
[But he knows he can't. Even with his commitment to take more of their story as his, Jaskier can't lay claim to those feelings as he does those he knows are for him. It... It just doesn't feel right to Jaskier. Not just yet. Not when Jaskier isn't certain he'd know really what to do with them and he thinks it's better those feelings remain between Tech and his past rather than here and now. So, for now, it was enough to be with them for as long as they were there in Tech's telling of their story.]
[Jaskier's eyes close for just a moment as Tech places a tender kiss to his forehead and he cannot help but lean into the hand that brushes through his hair, seeking out more of his touch with a smile like the cat who got the cream. Although it's likely a bit difficult to tell if his smile comes from Tech's self-deprecating joke or his touch.]
Well, you're not such a terrible problem to have, [he teases for a moment. Jaskier nestles in a little closer again, resting his head back on Tech's shoulder and wrapping his arms around Tech. With a small sigh, he says,] I like that our meeting is never anything grand.
[Not that it wouldn't get a touch embellished in any ballad that Jaskier might compose about it, of course, but he's entirely genuine when he says that he prefers that simplicity. He likes that there's a push and pull, but an immediate connection. That their meeting could have taken place in any world at any point in time. That they were inevitable. Soulmates. All in a way of their own making, not at the hands of Thirteen or Destiny or any other force.]
I like that we are just two people who find each other again and again, [Jaskier says before pressing another affectionate kiss to Tech's pulse point,] and it's as simple as that. It makes our love all the more grand for blossoming and growing across worlds and even through time itself.
[Nuzzling at Tech's jaw gently, Jaskier grins.]
And all the love songs that have been written or ever will be.
[ As Jaskier settles close, nuzzling into him, Tech holds him as though he's the most precious thing in the world. In all the worlds. Because he sincerely is. It's unsurprising he finds fame and adoration within his world because who couldn't love someone like him? But for Tech, it went far beyond love. His smile fades off somewhat. ]
There are a lot of stories that I feel embody us, too. Not all stories unlike the love songs...
[ There's a quick smile flashed and then it fades off into something thoughtful. ]
There's the story of the Little Mermaid who gives up her fins for human legs just for the chance to be with the man she loves. There's the story of Pinocchio, a marionette who becomes real through good deeds. But the story I'm thinking of right now is the tale of the Velveteen Rabbit -- a stuffed toy rabbit who a boy loved so much, it made its life all the better. And it loved the boy in return, it learned how to love the purest love imaginable. One day, the boy got very sick and the rabbit was there by his side. Day in and day out. They didn't do much, but for the rabbit, it was enough to just be with the boy he loved so much.
[ Tech's hand cups Jaskier's cheek, thumb tracing the top in a slow back and forth motion. ]
The boy got better. And it was a joyous day because they spoke of going to the beach and seeing the big blue ocean. The rabbit thought it would get to go, but the doctor said it was contaminated by the germs of the boy's scarlet fever and had to be burned. So they piled the rabbit in with the linens and took them out back for the gardener to burn in the morning. The rabbit fell out of the bag overnight and it started to rain and what remained of his fluff got soggy and wet. He thought of how he and the boy would never be together again, and something awakened in him. Real emotions. He cried a real tear from his little sewn on eyes. Then, a fairy appeared where the tear had fallen and said she was the fairy who takes care of the toys who are well loved, and with her magic, she made him a real bunny.
[ Tech draws in a breath. He's taking liberties with the story, of course. But mostly because he wants Jaskier to see the parallel. To understand he is the boy who loved Tech enough to grant him a second chance and a second life -- a life to be lived how Tech chooses and not what's expected of him by virtue of what he is. ]
They do reunite eventually at the end of the story. The boy and the rabbit. And the boy thinks to himself that the rabbit reminds him of the stuffed rabbit he lost when he was sick that he loved so much. And that's where it ends. But I don't really like that ending...because I think the boy should know how important and how much he did for the rabbit.
[ Tech uses the hand on Jaskier's cheek to gently lift his head so they're making eye contact. There's so much emotion on Tech's face, emotion that years ago wouldn't have been reachable. Even at the beginning of his stay in Penance, it took meeting Jaskier to get here. ]
You're the reason my life is better. Knowing you pulled me out of the darkness. And if it's my curse to keep hopping up to you in a different world where you don't remember me to remind you of how much you've done for me, so be it. It's because of you I get to be real. And every time I meet you again, I feel like I'm a better man than I was the last time. I only wish I had met you sooner in my life.
[Jaskier lifts his head when he's guided to and his fingers curl just a little tighter in Tech's shirt when they make eye contact. He's not... Well, he's not entirely sure what he feels when he recognizes the depth of Tech's emotions in his eyes. In some ways, it feels like staring into the ocean from atop a bluff, the water vast and unknowable and the height of the precipice feeling almost dizzying. Jaskier's heart beats so quickly looking at Tech now that it feels as though it's about to leap from him all on its own. And yet even with the untold parts of Tech's story—both the parts he must have known in Penance and those Tech has never shared with him—it isn't terrifying. Much like the ocean where there's still a rhythm to be found within the tide and waves, there's something that still makes so much inherent sense to Tech, to them.]
[Distantly, Jaskier can't help but think anyone looking at this from the outside would consider him foolish. He's an eighteen year old mortal who has little more than a desirable direction to take his life in intertwining himself so deeply with a god that's lived possibly countless lifetimes. He should be but a speck in the entirety of Tech's life, Jaskier's life coming and going in but a blink of an eye to him. And maybe some part of Jaskier recognizes the truth behind all of that supposed rational thought. No, he knows it's there and it does. Every time he worries that Tech will come to think differently, to want more, to get bored, something where Jaskier will finally not measure up to everything that Tech thinks him to be or what he might be someday. It's that sort of thinking that fuels it more than any evidence in front of him. But Tech looks at him now like Jaskier's the only person in the world. Or, at the very least, the only one who matters. And Tech touches him with the sort of reverence and awe that only comes from familiarity of every inch of Jaskier's very being.]
[There's no doubts. No insecurities. No second guessing.]
[If Jaskier weren't already in love, he thinks he would fall now.]
...Maybe that's why we met again like this, [Jaskier says quietly after a moment or two longer in Tech's eyes.] Maybe it's so a part of me will always know you no matter the world, and then it won't be so difficult the next time we meet for the first time again. But maybe not.
Maybe instead of turning into a rabbit, [he says, managing a teasing smile that's so quiet, so gentle that it's almost shy,] you get an entire lifetime with me.
[And that should probably scare him. If Jaskier had any sense, it would. All things considered, he's at the very start of his life. He doesn't know who or what he'll be in a month let along years and years into the future regardless of what Tech's spoken about it. The promise of a lifetime is bigger than anything Jaskier's ever known or promised before after all. But he doesn't feel afraid. It feels too right and real right now to be afraid.]
[ He smiles with a breathy sound of amusement after Jaskier's answer -- not the sort of amusement where he thinks the idea is silly but more an amusement because it would be so simple if that were the reason. And Tech doesn't think it would be so bad to get a lifetime with Jaskier -- to have the thing that Geralt had, time to see him grow and evolve. A chance to have a hand in that evolution. Not by becoming a part of his identity but by encouraging Jaskier's individual identity. And being there for him through his worst moments, trying to keep him from the bitter resentment that will consume him for a year and protecting him from that mage. God, he would give anything to protect him from that mage.
His smile fades off with his thoughts and he pulls Jaskier into an embrace, holding him tightly for a moment. And with his head on Jaskier's shoulder, he can let his concern and worries show on his face. He can have that beat before he needs to compose himself and pretend as though everything is fine. Because it is. It's fine. As long as they're here, it will be okay. Tech turns his head to kiss Jaskier's temple before drawing back to look at him with a smile fixed in place. ]
It would be a perfect ending. There is a part of me that wishes we could meet all over again. If I could meet you while you're young before I ever knew who you were -- before I ever loved anyone else...I could have learned to love the right way. But I guess beggars can't be choosers, huh? It's better I learned at all. It's just...I know I said it before, but there's a purity to your love that makes it special.
[ He shrugs and there's a mild shyness that often comes when he says something he thinks could be interpreted as stupid. The fortunate thing about Jaskier is he doesn't ever make Tech feel as though his sentiments or comments are stupid or invalid. So it's a safe space, but still a vulnerable one. And vulnerability is not something that comes easy to Tech.
Slowly he lets go of Jaskier so he can lean back against the table instead. His eyes flicker toward the fireplace, watching the flame dance and weave. As he looks at it, he's transported back to that tavern. Transported back to a time when Jaskier was left vulnerable and Tech held him, unable to help and making a promise he ultimately couldn't keep. Fuck. Jaskier truly was too good to have forgiven him after all of that -- when Tech became yet another on the list of immortals who disappointed him. ]
Jaskier, can I ask you something?
[ Slowly, he pries his eyes away and looks toward him again. Tech knows the answer is yes. He's free to ask Jaskier anything. Whether Jaskier can answer or not is a different story. But the question itself is more of a verbal pause as Tech weighs what he's going to ask -- whether he should put this out into the world or if the kinder thing would be to leave Jaskier blissfully unaware. But he deserves a choice, doesn't he? There's a chance Tech could slip without thinking about it, so if he has an answer to this question -- perhaps it could prevent him from saying something terrible in the future. ]
If I knew something that was going to happen in your life, something bad, would you want to know about it? Or would you prefer ignorance because your future is yours and has yet to be written and so long as you're here, it won't be the same as it was? And this isn't a prelude to me telling you some terrible thing, don't worry. It's more...if a topic comes up in the future, I want to know where you stand. Whether you prefer ignorance or if you'd want the truth?
[ Yennefer didn't want to know, but Jaskier isn't Yennefer. Even so, his choice might still be the same. He and Yennefer had been on similar wavelengths at points. That isn't likely to change, even if Jaskier hasn't met Yennefer at this point in time. ]
[Jaskier is none the wiser about the dual function for the tighter embrace. He just settles into it for as long as it lasts, content with their shared warmth and the safety he finds in Tech's arms. It makes him a little reluctant to let Tech go when he pulls away to lean against the table, but he doesn't make it particularly difficult for Tech to settle back into his own space. And even if the first question is a filler and Tech already knows the answer before he says the words, Jaskier still nods.]
[His brow furrows a little though at the proper question if only because no matter how much Tech is trying to frame this as a hypothetical question... He just can't help but wonder how much it truly is hypothetical. And he's torn. Immediately, he's torn. Who wouldn't want to know their future when it's there so easily accessible? After all, it's not like Jaskier can really claim to be displeased to know of his great future success. But at the same time, who wants to know their entire life without having the opportunity to have lived it for themselves? And even beyond that who wants to know the terrible things that lie in wait for them in their future?]
I, ah... I don't know, [he admits quietly, wetting his lips as he continues to wrestle with which side of the matter he truly finds himself landing. Jaskier's gaze flicks away from Tech to the pile of spruce twigs behind him. Tech says it's not a prelude to telling him something terrible now, but what about later? Why else could it be a topic that comes up in the future if there wasn't something Tech wasn't saying? There really seems to be no one "good" way forward as far as all that's concerned. Either he pushes for that something to be said and it hangs over his head like a dark cloud, or he remains ignorant of the details that he can perhaps ignore it or otherwise forget about it, and stay focused on what's in front of him. Jaskier lifts his gaze after a moment longer.] If I ask you directly about my future, I want the truth. No matter how unpleasant it might be or how much it might frighten or hurt me to know, I want to know all of it.
[Because as far as Jaskier can tell here and now, unless there's a good enough reason to ask, Jaskier hasn't been particularly motivated to know his future. His gaze flits away again before returning to Tech.]
But if I don't ask, I don't want to know because it's true. Neither of us really know what my future is going to be, [he says, placing a hand over the center of his own chest. Jaskier shakes his head slightly as his hand lowers back down to his side.] So there's no sense in tying ourselves into knots over something that hasn't happened and might very well never happen.
[The Jaskier Tech knew in Penance likely would have emphasized that worrying so much about the future would mean losing out on the present. That it would be so much harder to be here and now if they were so wrapped up and consumed by the future to not pay any mind for what's in front of them. But the Jaskier in front of Tech now doesn't have that perspective. Or, at the very least, it's not yet so deeply ingrained within him by all his experiences that the transient nature of a moment calls to him as something so very important that it's natural to speak of it. Instead, that conclusion is left more implication than anything because with youth comes the natural excitement of what's yet to come.]
[ He nods in agreement to Jaskier's answer. If he asks, and it's doubtful he will ask, Tech will give him the full truth. Until then, the secret has to eat away at him -- locked up only by the hope that none of the worst things will ever come to pass. Because as Jaskier says, neither of them know what his future's going to be. Not for certain.
Tech's hand extends to collect Jaskier's and he smiles over at him. ]
So you got it. You are the master of your own future. Except for the parts belonging to us. Then I get a little bit of a say in things.
[ His thumb traces along the ridge of Jaskier's knuckles and for a moment, he simply looks at him -- fond and adoring. Then, after a period of time simply taking him in, Tech opens his hand to let Jaskier's slide free -- circling the table to get back to the whole point of Jaskier's invitation. Wreath-making. Tech glances over the materials and then up at Jaskier, awaiting his instruction. There are probably a million internet tutorials on the art of weaving your own wreath, but Tech wants to learn Jaskier's. Or rather the one he was taught from his mother who no doubt learned from her own mother and so on. An entire family's worth of history being shared in a simple act. ]
Do you think your mother would have liked me?
[ The question is twofold. Yes, Tech is genuinely curious if Jaskier's family would have liked him, but also if they would have approved of him. For as much as Tech has heard about Jaskier's family, Tech doesn't actually know if they would have been fine with Jaskier so openly having a male lover or if they held the expectations he would find a lady, marry and continue the bloodline. Jaskier probably escapes the primary pressures by being the youngest. He's not going to be the one inheriting the land and so long as his brother has children, the name will be passed on. But that doesn't mean they have to approve of Jaskier's lifestyle or his choices. That doesn't mean they have to approve of Tech, even if they do approve of Jaskier's choices. ]
[Jaskier allows Tech his hand when he reaches for it, fingers curling loosely so he can return the hold as Tech traces his knuckles. There's a brief quirk of Jaskier's lips at Tech's mention of having a say in things because the words very nearly reflect the very petulant declaration of his own say he made when their paths crossed in the maze. But it never blossoms into a full smile or laugh as the look in Tech's eyes subdues it just enough. After all, Jaskier wouldn't want Tech to think he was laughing at his expense.]
[At the reminder of why Tech is here in the first place—or rather, Jaskier's rather flimsy excuse to have him show up when it felt there needed to be one—Jaskier perks up before settling down at his seat opposite Tech. He starts, of course, with teaching Tech how to form the base, demonstrating the proper way to weave the flexible willow branches together, using sturdy twine to keep ends from poking out.]
It won't be a perfect circle by the time we're done with this part. That's something that comes later after you start adding everything.
[Jaskier expertly presses the base he's forming against his thigh with one hand, holding his place in weaving a branch in with the rest so that he can gesture with the other for a moment. It's only then that he lets Tech in on the little secret that he always works with willow branches instead of the trimmings of excess vine that his mother and sisters use. Jaskier assures Tech indirectly that it's not a lack of skill because it's no different than working with willow. Vines themselves are simply thinner and therefore take more time to form the base. What's left implied is Jaskier just doesn't always possess the patience, a fact Jaskier's mother seems to recognize about her son without any sort of complaint or fuss. Hence why he's always had the option of using something other than the vines growing in their garden.]
[He's just finishing tying off the twine on his last branch when Tech asks about his mother. Jaskier's hands slow a bit in their tying as he looks up. There's only a brief moment before there's a smile with a small bubble of laughter.]
Oh, my mother would be the easiest for you to impress, love, [he says with a small shake of his head in case Tech thought Jaskier was making fun of him for being concerned.] I mean, she is like any other noble lady when it comes to raising her children and making sure we know the importance of our duties to our family and blah, blah, blah, but...
[Jaskier tapers off, holding the branch he's working with one hand so he can wave the other, dismissing the concept one might swat a pestering insect away.]
My parents are...reasonable about their expectations for each of us. Which I suppose is a luxury one can afford when coming from lesser nobility and particularly over a land most have never even heard of let alone give a monkey's about. [Jaskier smiles slyly at Tech as though sharing in a secret with him before resuming his weaving.] So, to that extent, they're not always thrilled with every decision I make, but I'm certainly never in danger of being disowned.
[He looks back up at Tech as he reaches for a clipping of twine to tie of the end of the branch in with the rest.]
My mother would adore you, darling. Without question. She loves anyone who makes her children happy. [Jaskier sets his completed base down on the table, ready to wait patiently for Tech to finish his own before moving onto the next step. As he does, Jaskier continues with an impish grin,] Now, my sisters? Well, that's a completely different story from either of my parents.
[Jaskier sighs wistfully as though what he's about to describe is some great hardship that no one could possibly understand but him.]
I think Emmy alone would eat you alive. Potentially for sport and her own amusement. I am, after all, her sweet baby brother who she loves more than anyone in all the Continent, [he says, hand upon his chest which is absolutely beginning to puff out. To say that Jaskier revels being the center of anyone's world is perhaps the greatest understatement that could ever be made. Especially if it paints Jaskier in a glowing, positive light. And even if sometimes his sister's protectiveness has chafed him in the past, Jaskier's complaints are half-hearted at best. So, of course, he preens about it now.] And she's always been my great protector even when we were small. You'd be under the worst sort of scrutiny from Emely for far longer than anyone else. Even I couldn't say a word to her that would cause her to behave otherwise.
[ Tech follows Jaskier's lead, a perfect mirror with the willow branch. It would seem he's not necessarily learning Jaskier's mother's technique, but a technique created for Jaskier himself. Would the Jaskier in Penance be able to weave these wreaths or would he have been so far removed from that part of his life as he got older and embroiled in the excitement and danger that came from attaching himself to Geralt? Would they have made wreaths and hung them on their home for the holidays? Tech doesn't know, so instead he focuses on Jaskier's explanation here and his guidance. Once he learns, he'll never forget...so even if someday he does reunite with a Jaskier who might be a little rusty on his wreath making technique -- Tech could show him again.
He only pauses when Jaskier answers his question about his mother, and it speaks volumes already that Jaskier understands the couple of questions behind Tech's single one. It's nice to be heard and understood. And it's even nicer to hear how supportive Jaskier's mother was. No wonder Jaskier is ahead of his time with the attitude of his mother mirroring something more modern mothers would adopt. The supportive kind. Sure, she likely hoped he would one day settle down with a wife and children -- but that wasn't Jaskier. So the next best thing she could do was love him through all of the ways he chose to live his life.
Hearing about Jaskier's sister brings a smile to Tech's face. Like parents, Tech's never had any family -- although hell did give him a taste of it. And he could easily imagine Suzaku being the same way, protecting him just the way Emmy would protect Jaskier. His fake older brother sacrificed his life to 'protect' him when Emmanuel's blood rained down so no doubt he'd stand up for his heart, too. It's just a shame Emmy couldn't give Geralt a piece of her mind. It's doubtful she'll ever actually know what happens in Jaskier's future.
Tech ties off the misshapen circle and glances across the table at Jaskier. ]
Well, from what it sounds like...Lettenhove is the best and most progressive place on the Continent. It's the place I most want to visit if I ever someday find myself there. Even if I do have to prove my worth as your soulmate to your dear sister first. I suppose telling her that I've found you across three separate universes won't go over well, huh? She'd probably think I'm crazy. Strike one for me...
[ He puffs out a breath. ]
In fact, I'd probably lose all around when it comes to the sorts of things she'd ask me. I have no family, no home, no real name...probably the only hope I'd ever have of one is if your family adopts me.
[ And as sad as that sounds, Tech doesn't say it in a way where he's feeling sorry for himself. It's just his reality and a reality mixed with a splash of hope. Tech might not have those things, but maybe one day he would. Maybe one day, Jaskier's mother would smile at him and tell him how glad she is he knew her son. Maybe one day, Emmy would soften and see that he and Jaskier made each other better. Maybe one day, he'd get a firm handshake from Jaskier's father (if handshakes are a thing in Jaskier's world -- if not, then a shoulder clasp) and be invited out to fish. Tech doesn't even like fishing, but he'd do it if Jaskier's dad invited him. ]
They sound wonderful. And I know they have to be good people since they all had a hand in raising you.
[Jaskier does nothing to suppress the shit-eating grin that appears on his face when Tech says dear sister as it's not an inaccurate moniker in either the face value meaning or the implied one with Tech's tone. It's hard not to feel a bit smug to be so dearly loved that someone would put another through their paces to ensure his safety (albeit only emotional safety) and to have that person feel it is entirely worth it to be put through it. He starts making his selection for his bundle as Tech continues, the grin lingering even when Tech's words turn a bit more serious about the reality of challenges he'll face should he make it back to Jaskier's world. It's difficult for Jaskier to conceive those as genuine challenges though. Whether it's the somewhat foolish consequence youth or the sort of delusion that always comes coupled with love (especially when it's still so new as it is for Jaskier now), Jaskier can't imagine a possible outcome where Tech doesn't find a way forward. As far as the bard is concerned, Tech will forge his own Destiny one way or another, and that will include finding a way past Emely's initial protectiveness of Jaskier and find himself accepted among them. He's also just glad to hear Tech shares in the same thought. Even if he doesn't say it aloud, it's there in his tone all the same.]
[There's a subtle flush in Jaskier's cheeks though when Tech reaches his conclusion. Most would probably tend to disagree with Tech on that one if only because of Jaskier's consistent and constant lack of discipline in... Well, in most domains that seem to matter to most. Not that Jaskier himself would tend to agree, but...! He's just not entirely used to such praise regardless of his tendency to preen and carry on as though he's never done a singular wrong thing in his life. Jaskier clears his throat a little before saying,]
Well, you might want to be careful about telling Emmy as much. She'll either think you're trying to flatter or insult her depending on the mood I've managed to put her in, and neither will really serve you well in impressing her. [Jaskier cuts himself some more twine now that he's selected all of the sprigs of various plants he wants to include in a bunch. It's only then that he seems to have settled enough from the mild shyness to bring his gaze back up to Tech's again. He arranges the sprigs as he continues,] They will adore you though. They'll see what I see and love you, too. It won't matter that you don't entirely fit in.
[Because he won't. It will be impossible for Tech to completely disappear into the fabric of the Continent as though he's always been a part of it because there's simply too much he doesn't know, doesn't possess by virtue of coming from an entirely different world. But it won't matter in the slightest to Jaskier's family, he thinks. Different isn't inherently terrible. That's what they always taught Jaskier.]
[ He laughs, a short and quiet laugh -- honored by Jaskier's faith, flattered, but also understanding perhaps it's a bit too optimistic. Of course, Jaskier would be the best predictor of how his family would respond. But at the same time, they've never met anyone from so far ahead in the future, a god made human. They wouldn't understand his slang and might question his accent. The only things Tech could lean on is being an inventor (they're always eccentric, no matter the timeline) and his love for their son and hope those would be enough for Jaskier's words to be true. ]
I don't really know what it is you see that you've seen twice, but...thank you.
[ There's a smile, a brief holding of Jaskier's gaze, and then he looks back down at the flimsy start of his wreath. He works on it quietly for a few minutes more before he throws a fit of exaggerated frustration, dropping it onto the table. ]
I can't get the spruce on here right!
[ Lips pinch into a pout because Tech damn well could get the spruce on there fine. He just wants Jaskier to come over, to put his arms around him and guide his hands. Jaskier's been out of kissing distance for at least ten minutes now and that simply is unacceptable! ]
[While Tech works quietly, Jaskier does not. At least, not exactly in perfect silence. As is typical of Jaskier whenever faced with a repetitive task—even one he enjoys like this—Jaskier hums to himself. It's a wordless little melody that follows the rhythm of his work between gathering various sprigs to tie them into their own little bunches and arranging them on his woven circle of willow branches. The song only stops when Tech seemingly becomes frustrated and drops his wreath down on the table. Jaskier mildly starts as his intense focus on his own wreath coupled with the quiet Tech had taken to, he'd very nearly forgotten he wasn't sitting here working entirely on his own. There's a moment of confusion when Jaskier looks at Tech's wreath since there isn't anything amiss with his work so far that would suggest or otherwise imply it's beyond Tech's ability or patience. But one look at Tech, and Jaskier pieces it together what's happening here.]
[Glancing down at his own wreath, Jaskier hides his smile and sets his latest bunch down before placing the wreath back on the table in front of him.]
Let me see it, [Jaskier says, rising out of his seat enough that he can comfortably lean over the table to pick up the offending bunch that purportedly won't cooperate. There's a playful little glint in his eyes when he looks at Tech and instead of fully rising out of his seat, he plops back down to fiddle with the little arrangement. Or at least makes a good show of doing so as it needs about as much fiddling as Tech is incapable of working on his wreath independently. The ruse doesn't last particularly long though. He hardly minds the invitation into Tech's space again even if it's such a flimsy excuse that it's nearly transparent. Jaskier turns in his seat as he's seemingly putting the finishing touches on it to bring it around to Tech. He leans down as if to make for a soothing kiss to Tech's cheek as he's passing it off to Tech, but at the last possible moment, Jaskier instead tickles at Tech's cheek with the small bundle. With a laugh, he teases by saying,] Try this, darling.
[His teasing can only last so long regardless if it's by Jaskier's own choice or because Tech snatches back his spruce. When Jaskier stops, he tries more in earnest for a kiss. Of course, whether or not Tech opts to make that easy for Jaskier after all his nonsense is entirely up to Tech, but Jaskier is more than willing to endure any leaning or shoving without complaint. He's well aware he earned it and he just must remain persistent in the wake of such obstacles and adversity, and that's certainly easy enough given the prize.]
[ When Tech's ploy doesn't work, his shoulders slump. Jaskier takes the wreath and doesn't come near immediately. Mission failed. Tech's left with nothing to fidget with in the meantime so his hands fold and he eyes Jaskier, suspicious these kisses are being intentionally withheld. It's the cruelest punishment having the space of an entire table between them! But before long Jaskier seems to realize the error of his ways and draws back in to--
....tickle his cheek with the spruce? ]
Oh my god, you're the worst!
[ Tech cries, not at all meaning it. His nose turns up as though insulted and he snatches the bundle from Jaskier's hands to remove his 'weapon.' ]
I can't believe you'd torture me like this on Christmas!
[ This is clearly the end of the world! He turns his head away from the follow up attempt to make amends with the kiss, crossing his arms and huffing. ]
I don't think I can ever forgive you.
[ Tech looks at Jaskier in a mockery of seriousness, punctuating the point with a staccato: ]
E. Ver.
[ The price of the offense is steep! Tech maintains a determination to sulk and he takes that sulk with him to the kitchen when the timer goes off -- removing the turkey and setting it atop the stove. While the bird cools, Tech twists around to face Jaskier -- hands braced behind him on the tiny counterspace. This is when the fine is issued, the penalty price Jaskier will have to pay. Tech's posture every bit beckons Jaskier to close the space between them -- maybe even ravish him in the twenty minutes they had before they could eat. The pinched sulk then becomes a challenge, a daring and sultry glance to entice the bard to try his best to make up for his crimes. ]
[Tech's theatrics only serve to send Jaskier into a fit of giggles. Try as he might to act contrite when Tech condemns him to a life—nay, an eternity without forgiveness, he can't suppress the smile or his laughter. He, at least, seems to make every effort to keep Tech there even with the timer going off, hands trying to find purchase wherever they might at Tech's clothes until he has no choice but to release him. (To some extent, anyway. Jaskier doesn't want dinner to burn any more than Tech, so there's certainly a degree to which Jaskier absolutely lets him go about his business in the kitchen ultimately unperturbed.) While Tech busies himself with the bird, Jaskier makes a small adjustment to Tech's bundle, which had been made slightly askew by its sudden snatching. He doesn't weave it into the wreath though, simply sets it down where it ought to go.]
[Jaskier's amusement only settles into something else when he glances at Tech in the kitchen again. He says nothing for a moment, simply holding Tech's gaze before he pushes Tech's abandoned chair in with a foot.]
I don't know why you're complaining so much, [he says as he crosses back over into the kitchen. He stops close in front of Tech, leaving little space between them. Lowering his voice, he says,] Torture can be sweet, too, you know.
[Starting at his elbows, Jaskier's hands slid down along his forearms, past his wrists, until he places his hands over Tech's on the edge of the countertop as if to keep them there. As he does, Jaskier leans in close, in a near-kiss as he continues,] Say for example... You won't touch me. Not even if I were to ask or beg you to.
[Ducking his head, Jaskier presses a teasing kiss to Tech's throat, his hands slipping away from Tech's hands to his hips as he finally presses himself close.]
Only if I convince you to forgive me after all. [He kisses Tech's pulse point beneath his jaw as he slips his hands beneath the hem of Tech's sweater to feel at warm skin. Lifting his head again, Jaskier meets Tech's gaze.] What do you say? Will you let me earn your forgiveness?
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[Jaskier loves Tech. He loves him fiercely. He loves him in a way he's yet to experience with anyone else wherein it doesn't feel like it's to be a passing thing or a pleasant way to spend his time. Oh, the butterflies in the belly are there every now and again because of Tech's words or his affectionate gestures. And Jaskier recognizes the way he sometimes feels lightheaded or like he's floating just at the very thought of Tech. Jaskier knows what it is to be in love. He just filled an entire book expounding upon it for Tech in both borrowed and his own words. But it wasn't just talking about the bits he knows already. As best he could, Jaskier used those words to try and explain and articulate the parts of this love he is less familiar with. A task that, at times, was frustrating as for the first time for Jaskier, the words seemed to fall short. In some ways, he's glad he doesn't appear to be the only one though with Tech laying claim to every love song in existence and will be as theirs. Not even a god can find all the right words for every part of it.]
[But Jaskier's not there yet. He's not yet arrived at the thought that Tech is home. It may be because it's too soon in their relationship from his perspective even if he recognizes it as being so very important to the both of them. It may be because he's not yet of the mindset where a home is something he craves because there's too much drive to prove himself capable of standing on his own two feet. Whichever the case, Jaskier's not there yet.]
[But Tech is safety. He's safety and warmth, and Jaskier trusts him more than anyone else in this place. And so, when there isn't any sign of complicated dance moves, Jaskier naturally nestles right in, resting his head on Tech's shoulder and placing his face in the crook of Tech's neck to breathe him in with eyes gently closed.]
[Quietly, he murmurs beneath the music,] I could stay just like this forever.
[Jaskier said this once before. In Wintermute. After they made love for the final time that night and Jaskier didn't so much directly demand being held so much as simply opted to use Tech as his pillow and leave very little choice in the matter. It earned him a bit of teasing at first, of course, given his tendency to want to stay in bed for as long as he possibly can. After a light pinch to Tech's side for getting cheeky, he clarified what he meant.]
[He doesn't think he needs to clarify this time.]
[Before the song's end, Jaskier presses a kiss first to Tech's pulse point beneath his jaw before he opens his eyes and lifts his head. Jaskier's lips meet Tech's in another kiss, not attempting to be necessarily chaste, but certainly gentle and sweet as one hand finds its way to trace and caress Tech's cheek. As they kiss, Jaskier fully releases his hold on Tech to bring his other hand up to his chest, careful not to rest it anywhere near the center of Tech's chest above his heart as he stays committed to offering another touch instead. With a soft sigh, Jaskier brings the kiss to a gentle end.]
I'm glad we found each other, too. Even if it won't always be this simple and easy... It will always be worth it. [The hand at Tech's chest moves so Jaskier can have a hold of him again.] You will always be worth it.
I love you.
no subject
As the song dwindles down and ends with a kiss, Tech leans into it -- fingers digging into the fabric of Jaskier's shirt. And as it tapers off into Jaskier's words, Tech shakes his head in quiet confusion. ]
I love you too, Jules. But why won't it be simple and easy?
[ Tech isn't naive. He knows love isn't all sparkles and rainbows. All relationships, even good relationships come with their ups and downs. But the confusion is less about that aspect and more the love itself. For Tech, loving Jaskier has always been simple and easy. Even this version of Jaskier he loved before he was willing to admit it. The hardest part about this relationship had been how much Tech tried to deny it and prevent it from happening.
It's not the same as before. Of course it's not the same. There was a depth between his and Jaskier's relationship in Penance, a deep connection wherein they were two broken pieces finding something whole in one another. And while Tech would consider himself still broken, undeniably his time with that Jaskier had glued him together in a more complete way. It paved the road for him to love a younger Jaskier, a man who had yet to break. It molded Tech into the sort of person who has a place in this Jaskier's life. A Jaskier of before did that. The Jaskier of now benefits from it. And all of it had been a simple thing once Tech stopped being his own obstacle. ]
We're inevitable. Do you know how many times I almost kissed you in the woods that night we first met? You talked about how your world only came into contact with another world two thousand years ago, and yet it happened for us. Twice. And that was the moment when I fell in love with you again. The hardest, and honestly stupidest, thing I did was try to deny I loved you.
[ Both that night and the month of solitude that followed. ]
no subject
[It's dizzying. It's intoxicating. And it's a little terrifying if Jaskier's honest because it's one thing to hear the promise to love and cherish him. It's another to feel it so intensely and strongly in moments like this. A part of him balks at it, of course, and he worries what if Tech has it all wrong? What if Tech wakes up one day and realizes that Jaskier's love, the one he has here, really isn't the one he wants? Or what if he becomes impatient with Jaskier's bouts of immaturity and doesn't want to waste time waiting for Jaskier to be that person he's always held in such high regard, believed to be so special?]
[But before the spiral can take hold, Jaskier remembers what he said: it will always be worth it. Even if Tech somehow does have it wrong. Even if this all ends in heartbreak. It will be worth it to love Tech. To be loved by him. To find each other again and again across worlds.]
[There's so much that Jaskier wants to say and ask. He gets as far as drawing a breath and his lips part, but no words manage to push past the rest enough for anything to come out. Jaskier closes his mouth, looking down for a moment as he blinks rapidly against the burning at the back of his eyes and for once he doesn't feel entirely foolish for being so easily overcome by his own emotions.]
[Inevitable.]
[Soulmates.]
[What other explanation can there be for Tech to love him now? Jaskier doesn't really know who he is. He knows who he would like to be, would like to imagine he has some idea of how to become that person, but he doesn't know. But Tech doesn't just love him now because of that future. He wouldn't have made that entire forest of lights for the Jaskier he knew. Not like that. He loves Jaskier exactly as he is right now. Ambitious, but uncertain. Driven even if a bit directionless at times. Immature and insecure all the while being entirely confident with natural intuition.]
...You, ah... [Jaskier lifts his gaze.] You never did tell me how exactly we fell in love the first time.
[He wants to know, of course. There's a curiosity in Jaskier that's persisted even beyond the moments when parts of him were certain he never wanted to know. But perhaps more important than his own curiosity, if Tech can be brave enough to fall for him, Jaskier thinks he can be brave enough to let their story be his, too. Even if it hasn't happened for him yet.]
no subject
Or maybe Jaskier just wants to know. Maybe there's nothing more to it than that.
So, as Tech's thumb traces the band of the ring around his finger and the other hand continues to hold tight to the bard in his arms, he proceeds with caution. Tech takes care to not get swept away in the story and to be mindful of the feelings of the bard in front of him. Any purse of lips, any steeling of blue eyes, any tension in his body will be his cue to stop. ]
Well, it was similar to this. We just crashed into each others lives, this time in a hotel lobby. You were there, trying to wake up as if from a dream and I came storming in to drag you back to reality in the most pessimistic way possible...as I have a tendency to do.
[ He offers Jaskier a humored smile -- after all, hadn't this Jaskier experienced it himself? ]
But you were gracious and I was charmed by how you kept weaving in and out of my space with your little touches and friendly gestures. I'd gone most of my life to my memory without being touched, so any time anyone was willing...
[ A helpless shrug is offered. Tech knows it makes him sound pathetic. Maybe even desperate. But that wasn't what made him fall in love. No, that moment was more special than that. ]
I asked you to sing me a song and you asked me for a mood or a sound. Something that would please me. So I played you a song on my phone, like I just did now. And you were so enamored by it. It was your first brush with technology and what it could do, and you were enamored. And it had been a very long time since anyone took to technology the way you did -- so I was enamored by your reaction and even more when you sang. And that was the moment right there when we fell in love.
[ Tech can't help the wistful smile on his face as he relives the moment, experiencing the memory in crystal clarity. ]
I had a girlfriend at the time. And we were in a monogamous relationship -- so I, again, refused to admit to myself what I was feeling. But the more time you and I spent around each other -- the more that became an impossible task. So the problem became less how to deny loving you and more how to love you. We figured it out. You, me and Ava became a relationship and it was...the happiest I'd ever been, really.
[ More and more, Tech is able to say her name. Ava. She's no longer a phantom whose very name pierces his heart with grief. Perhaps that was a gift Jaskier of Penance gave him as well -- losing him forced Tech to sit uncomfortably in his grief and to find less self-destructive ways to deal with it. Rather than try to run away from the pain, Tech held onto it -- because the pain was all he had left of that Jaskier. Even now, it hurts. God does it hurt, like someone's taking a vice to his lungs and squeezing them of air.
But he swallows it because he is with Jaskier still. Perhaps not in the same way, but he is here and Tech vowed to be present and in the moment with this Jaskier. Not stuck in the past. ]
I guess the point mostly is, nothing grand or world shattering ever happens between us. We meet, we talk, and love follows. And it happens almost immediately...
[ Tech wonders -- he wonders if they had more time in that memory, the memory where Jaskier had been heartbroken right before that mage showed up...if it would have been the same there. Tech had thought because of that memory, there was no chance Jaskier would fall in love with him again. But they hadn't been given time. If they spoke for a night, even in Jaskier's deepest grief -- perhaps he could have found their love again. Because even at their worst, even in Tech's frustration and Jaskier's deep pain -- Jaskier hadn't walked away from him. He started to, but he didn't and they stuck close to one another until it all melted into something of a nightmare.
But this Jaskier fell in love with him and that gives Tech hope -- because if he can hold an eighteen year old's attention span long enough to settle in this wonderful kind of love, hell. He could probably meet Jaskier anywhere at any stage in his life and find his way to this again. Tech just had to let himself love him and Jaskier would find his way toward their light.
He leans forward, tenderly kissing Jaskier's forehead. ]
Loving you is easy. The only complications we have are self-made. Usually by me. I'm the problem. Hi.
[ He laughs, slipping a hand away to comb through Jaskier's bangs and regard him fondly. ]
no subject
[They're beautiful, Jaskier thinks in an easy, natural conclusion. The full range of them—from Tech's warm nostalgia and unspoken longing for the Jaskier he knew to the tender affection and easy love for the Jaskier in front of him—is simply beautiful. But even with that easy conclusion, there's still moments where it feels more complicated than that. It's as though parts of it are a bit like fireflies against the night sky. They mingle in the starlight and form their own breathtaking constellations to be admired, but unlike those far above, they aren't meant to watch the world below for centuries upon centuries. They're there for a moment and then they're gone again. That's how it feels when feelings for the Jaskier Tech knew rise to the surface the way they do. It's not a spark of insecurity or honestly even jealousy, but Jaskier wishes he could capture it for himself for longer than a moment. Even with all the adoration and love Tech pours into him as he is now, he's selfish and greedy, and he wants it all.]
[But he knows he can't. Even with his commitment to take more of their story as his, Jaskier can't lay claim to those feelings as he does those he knows are for him. It... It just doesn't feel right to Jaskier. Not just yet. Not when Jaskier isn't certain he'd know really what to do with them and he thinks it's better those feelings remain between Tech and his past rather than here and now. So, for now, it was enough to be with them for as long as they were there in Tech's telling of their story.]
[Jaskier's eyes close for just a moment as Tech places a tender kiss to his forehead and he cannot help but lean into the hand that brushes through his hair, seeking out more of his touch with a smile like the cat who got the cream. Although it's likely a bit difficult to tell if his smile comes from Tech's self-deprecating joke or his touch.]
Well, you're not such a terrible problem to have, [he teases for a moment. Jaskier nestles in a little closer again, resting his head back on Tech's shoulder and wrapping his arms around Tech. With a small sigh, he says,] I like that our meeting is never anything grand.
[Not that it wouldn't get a touch embellished in any ballad that Jaskier might compose about it, of course, but he's entirely genuine when he says that he prefers that simplicity. He likes that there's a push and pull, but an immediate connection. That their meeting could have taken place in any world at any point in time. That they were inevitable. Soulmates. All in a way of their own making, not at the hands of Thirteen or Destiny or any other force.]
I like that we are just two people who find each other again and again, [Jaskier says before pressing another affectionate kiss to Tech's pulse point,] and it's as simple as that. It makes our love all the more grand for blossoming and growing across worlds and even through time itself.
[Nuzzling at Tech's jaw gently, Jaskier grins.]
And all the love songs that have been written or ever will be.
no subject
There are a lot of stories that I feel embody us, too. Not all stories unlike the love songs...
[ There's a quick smile flashed and then it fades off into something thoughtful. ]
There's the story of the Little Mermaid who gives up her fins for human legs just for the chance to be with the man she loves. There's the story of Pinocchio, a marionette who becomes real through good deeds. But the story I'm thinking of right now is the tale of the Velveteen Rabbit -- a stuffed toy rabbit who a boy loved so much, it made its life all the better. And it loved the boy in return, it learned how to love the purest love imaginable. One day, the boy got very sick and the rabbit was there by his side. Day in and day out. They didn't do much, but for the rabbit, it was enough to just be with the boy he loved so much.
[ Tech's hand cups Jaskier's cheek, thumb tracing the top in a slow back and forth motion. ]
The boy got better. And it was a joyous day because they spoke of going to the beach and seeing the big blue ocean. The rabbit thought it would get to go, but the doctor said it was contaminated by the germs of the boy's scarlet fever and had to be burned. So they piled the rabbit in with the linens and took them out back for the gardener to burn in the morning. The rabbit fell out of the bag overnight and it started to rain and what remained of his fluff got soggy and wet. He thought of how he and the boy would never be together again, and something awakened in him. Real emotions. He cried a real tear from his little sewn on eyes. Then, a fairy appeared where the tear had fallen and said she was the fairy who takes care of the toys who are well loved, and with her magic, she made him a real bunny.
[ Tech draws in a breath. He's taking liberties with the story, of course. But mostly because he wants Jaskier to see the parallel. To understand he is the boy who loved Tech enough to grant him a second chance and a second life -- a life to be lived how Tech chooses and not what's expected of him by virtue of what he is. ]
They do reunite eventually at the end of the story. The boy and the rabbit. And the boy thinks to himself that the rabbit reminds him of the stuffed rabbit he lost when he was sick that he loved so much. And that's where it ends. But I don't really like that ending...because I think the boy should know how important and how much he did for the rabbit.
[ Tech uses the hand on Jaskier's cheek to gently lift his head so they're making eye contact. There's so much emotion on Tech's face, emotion that years ago wouldn't have been reachable. Even at the beginning of his stay in Penance, it took meeting Jaskier to get here. ]
You're the reason my life is better. Knowing you pulled me out of the darkness. And if it's my curse to keep hopping up to you in a different world where you don't remember me to remind you of how much you've done for me, so be it. It's because of you I get to be real. And every time I meet you again, I feel like I'm a better man than I was the last time. I only wish I had met you sooner in my life.
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[Distantly, Jaskier can't help but think anyone looking at this from the outside would consider him foolish. He's an eighteen year old mortal who has little more than a desirable direction to take his life in intertwining himself so deeply with a god that's lived possibly countless lifetimes. He should be but a speck in the entirety of Tech's life, Jaskier's life coming and going in but a blink of an eye to him. And maybe some part of Jaskier recognizes the truth behind all of that supposed rational thought. No, he knows it's there and it does. Every time he worries that Tech will come to think differently, to want more, to get bored, something where Jaskier will finally not measure up to everything that Tech thinks him to be or what he might be someday. It's that sort of thinking that fuels it more than any evidence in front of him. But Tech looks at him now like Jaskier's the only person in the world. Or, at the very least, the only one who matters. And Tech touches him with the sort of reverence and awe that only comes from familiarity of every inch of Jaskier's very being.]
[There's no doubts. No insecurities. No second guessing.]
[If Jaskier weren't already in love, he thinks he would fall now.]
...Maybe that's why we met again like this, [Jaskier says quietly after a moment or two longer in Tech's eyes.] Maybe it's so a part of me will always know you no matter the world, and then it won't be so difficult the next time we meet for the first time again. But maybe not.
Maybe instead of turning into a rabbit, [he says, managing a teasing smile that's so quiet, so gentle that it's almost shy,] you get an entire lifetime with me.
[And that should probably scare him. If Jaskier had any sense, it would. All things considered, he's at the very start of his life. He doesn't know who or what he'll be in a month let along years and years into the future regardless of what Tech's spoken about it. The promise of a lifetime is bigger than anything Jaskier's ever known or promised before after all. But he doesn't feel afraid. It feels too right and real right now to be afraid.]
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His smile fades off with his thoughts and he pulls Jaskier into an embrace, holding him tightly for a moment. And with his head on Jaskier's shoulder, he can let his concern and worries show on his face. He can have that beat before he needs to compose himself and pretend as though everything is fine. Because it is. It's fine. As long as they're here, it will be okay. Tech turns his head to kiss Jaskier's temple before drawing back to look at him with a smile fixed in place. ]
It would be a perfect ending. There is a part of me that wishes we could meet all over again. If I could meet you while you're young before I ever knew who you were -- before I ever loved anyone else...I could have learned to love the right way. But I guess beggars can't be choosers, huh? It's better I learned at all. It's just...I know I said it before, but there's a purity to your love that makes it special.
[ He shrugs and there's a mild shyness that often comes when he says something he thinks could be interpreted as stupid. The fortunate thing about Jaskier is he doesn't ever make Tech feel as though his sentiments or comments are stupid or invalid. So it's a safe space, but still a vulnerable one. And vulnerability is not something that comes easy to Tech.
Slowly he lets go of Jaskier so he can lean back against the table instead. His eyes flicker toward the fireplace, watching the flame dance and weave. As he looks at it, he's transported back to that tavern. Transported back to a time when Jaskier was left vulnerable and Tech held him, unable to help and making a promise he ultimately couldn't keep. Fuck. Jaskier truly was too good to have forgiven him after all of that -- when Tech became yet another on the list of immortals who disappointed him. ]
Jaskier, can I ask you something?
[ Slowly, he pries his eyes away and looks toward him again. Tech knows the answer is yes. He's free to ask Jaskier anything. Whether Jaskier can answer or not is a different story. But the question itself is more of a verbal pause as Tech weighs what he's going to ask -- whether he should put this out into the world or if the kinder thing would be to leave Jaskier blissfully unaware. But he deserves a choice, doesn't he? There's a chance Tech could slip without thinking about it, so if he has an answer to this question -- perhaps it could prevent him from saying something terrible in the future. ]
If I knew something that was going to happen in your life, something bad, would you want to know about it? Or would you prefer ignorance because your future is yours and has yet to be written and so long as you're here, it won't be the same as it was? And this isn't a prelude to me telling you some terrible thing, don't worry. It's more...if a topic comes up in the future, I want to know where you stand. Whether you prefer ignorance or if you'd want the truth?
[ Yennefer didn't want to know, but Jaskier isn't Yennefer. Even so, his choice might still be the same. He and Yennefer had been on similar wavelengths at points. That isn't likely to change, even if Jaskier hasn't met Yennefer at this point in time. ]
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[His brow furrows a little though at the proper question if only because no matter how much Tech is trying to frame this as a hypothetical question... He just can't help but wonder how much it truly is hypothetical. And he's torn. Immediately, he's torn. Who wouldn't want to know their future when it's there so easily accessible? After all, it's not like Jaskier can really claim to be displeased to know of his great future success. But at the same time, who wants to know their entire life without having the opportunity to have lived it for themselves? And even beyond that who wants to know the terrible things that lie in wait for them in their future?]
I, ah... I don't know, [he admits quietly, wetting his lips as he continues to wrestle with which side of the matter he truly finds himself landing. Jaskier's gaze flicks away from Tech to the pile of spruce twigs behind him. Tech says it's not a prelude to telling him something terrible now, but what about later? Why else could it be a topic that comes up in the future if there wasn't something Tech wasn't saying? There really seems to be no one "good" way forward as far as all that's concerned. Either he pushes for that something to be said and it hangs over his head like a dark cloud, or he remains ignorant of the details that he can perhaps ignore it or otherwise forget about it, and stay focused on what's in front of him. Jaskier lifts his gaze after a moment longer.] If I ask you directly about my future, I want the truth. No matter how unpleasant it might be or how much it might frighten or hurt me to know, I want to know all of it.
[Because as far as Jaskier can tell here and now, unless there's a good enough reason to ask, Jaskier hasn't been particularly motivated to know his future. His gaze flits away again before returning to Tech.]
But if I don't ask, I don't want to know because it's true. Neither of us really know what my future is going to be, [he says, placing a hand over the center of his own chest. Jaskier shakes his head slightly as his hand lowers back down to his side.] So there's no sense in tying ourselves into knots over something that hasn't happened and might very well never happen.
[The Jaskier Tech knew in Penance likely would have emphasized that worrying so much about the future would mean losing out on the present. That it would be so much harder to be here and now if they were so wrapped up and consumed by the future to not pay any mind for what's in front of them. But the Jaskier in front of Tech now doesn't have that perspective. Or, at the very least, it's not yet so deeply ingrained within him by all his experiences that the transient nature of a moment calls to him as something so very important that it's natural to speak of it. Instead, that conclusion is left more implication than anything because with youth comes the natural excitement of what's yet to come.]
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[ He nods in agreement to Jaskier's answer. If he asks, and it's doubtful he will ask, Tech will give him the full truth. Until then, the secret has to eat away at him -- locked up only by the hope that none of the worst things will ever come to pass. Because as Jaskier says, neither of them know what his future's going to be. Not for certain.
Tech's hand extends to collect Jaskier's and he smiles over at him. ]
So you got it. You are the master of your own future. Except for the parts belonging to us. Then I get a little bit of a say in things.
[ His thumb traces along the ridge of Jaskier's knuckles and for a moment, he simply looks at him -- fond and adoring. Then, after a period of time simply taking him in, Tech opens his hand to let Jaskier's slide free -- circling the table to get back to the whole point of Jaskier's invitation. Wreath-making. Tech glances over the materials and then up at Jaskier, awaiting his instruction. There are probably a million internet tutorials on the art of weaving your own wreath, but Tech wants to learn Jaskier's. Or rather the one he was taught from his mother who no doubt learned from her own mother and so on. An entire family's worth of history being shared in a simple act. ]
Do you think your mother would have liked me?
[ The question is twofold. Yes, Tech is genuinely curious if Jaskier's family would have liked him, but also if they would have approved of him. For as much as Tech has heard about Jaskier's family, Tech doesn't actually know if they would have been fine with Jaskier so openly having a male lover or if they held the expectations he would find a lady, marry and continue the bloodline. Jaskier probably escapes the primary pressures by being the youngest. He's not going to be the one inheriting the land and so long as his brother has children, the name will be passed on. But that doesn't mean they have to approve of Jaskier's lifestyle or his choices. That doesn't mean they have to approve of Tech, even if they do approve of Jaskier's choices. ]
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[At the reminder of why Tech is here in the first place—or rather, Jaskier's rather flimsy excuse to have him show up when it felt there needed to be one—Jaskier perks up before settling down at his seat opposite Tech. He starts, of course, with teaching Tech how to form the base, demonstrating the proper way to weave the flexible willow branches together, using sturdy twine to keep ends from poking out.]
It won't be a perfect circle by the time we're done with this part. That's something that comes later after you start adding everything.
[Jaskier expertly presses the base he's forming against his thigh with one hand, holding his place in weaving a branch in with the rest so that he can gesture with the other for a moment. It's only then that he lets Tech in on the little secret that he always works with willow branches instead of the trimmings of excess vine that his mother and sisters use. Jaskier assures Tech indirectly that it's not a lack of skill because it's no different than working with willow. Vines themselves are simply thinner and therefore take more time to form the base. What's left implied is Jaskier just doesn't always possess the patience, a fact Jaskier's mother seems to recognize about her son without any sort of complaint or fuss. Hence why he's always had the option of using something other than the vines growing in their garden.]
[He's just finishing tying off the twine on his last branch when Tech asks about his mother. Jaskier's hands slow a bit in their tying as he looks up. There's only a brief moment before there's a smile with a small bubble of laughter.]
Oh, my mother would be the easiest for you to impress, love, [he says with a small shake of his head in case Tech thought Jaskier was making fun of him for being concerned.] I mean, she is like any other noble lady when it comes to raising her children and making sure we know the importance of our duties to our family and blah, blah, blah, but...
[Jaskier tapers off, holding the branch he's working with one hand so he can wave the other, dismissing the concept one might swat a pestering insect away.]
My parents are...reasonable about their expectations for each of us. Which I suppose is a luxury one can afford when coming from lesser nobility and particularly over a land most have never even heard of let alone give a monkey's about. [Jaskier smiles slyly at Tech as though sharing in a secret with him before resuming his weaving.] So, to that extent, they're not always thrilled with every decision I make, but I'm certainly never in danger of being disowned.
[He looks back up at Tech as he reaches for a clipping of twine to tie of the end of the branch in with the rest.]
My mother would adore you, darling. Without question. She loves anyone who makes her children happy. [Jaskier sets his completed base down on the table, ready to wait patiently for Tech to finish his own before moving onto the next step. As he does, Jaskier continues with an impish grin,] Now, my sisters? Well, that's a completely different story from either of my parents.
[Jaskier sighs wistfully as though what he's about to describe is some great hardship that no one could possibly understand but him.]
I think Emmy alone would eat you alive. Potentially for sport and her own amusement. I am, after all, her sweet baby brother who she loves more than anyone in all the Continent, [he says, hand upon his chest which is absolutely beginning to puff out. To say that Jaskier revels being the center of anyone's world is perhaps the greatest understatement that could ever be made. Especially if it paints Jaskier in a glowing, positive light. And even if sometimes his sister's protectiveness has chafed him in the past, Jaskier's complaints are half-hearted at best. So, of course, he preens about it now.] And she's always been my great protector even when we were small. You'd be under the worst sort of scrutiny from Emely for far longer than anyone else. Even I couldn't say a word to her that would cause her to behave otherwise.
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He only pauses when Jaskier answers his question about his mother, and it speaks volumes already that Jaskier understands the couple of questions behind Tech's single one. It's nice to be heard and understood. And it's even nicer to hear how supportive Jaskier's mother was. No wonder Jaskier is ahead of his time with the attitude of his mother mirroring something more modern mothers would adopt. The supportive kind. Sure, she likely hoped he would one day settle down with a wife and children -- but that wasn't Jaskier. So the next best thing she could do was love him through all of the ways he chose to live his life.
Hearing about Jaskier's sister brings a smile to Tech's face. Like parents, Tech's never had any family -- although hell did give him a taste of it. And he could easily imagine Suzaku being the same way, protecting him just the way Emmy would protect Jaskier. His fake older brother sacrificed his life to 'protect' him when Emmanuel's blood rained down so no doubt he'd stand up for his heart, too. It's just a shame Emmy couldn't give Geralt a piece of her mind. It's doubtful she'll ever actually know what happens in Jaskier's future.
Tech ties off the misshapen circle and glances across the table at Jaskier. ]
Well, from what it sounds like...Lettenhove is the best and most progressive place on the Continent. It's the place I most want to visit if I ever someday find myself there. Even if I do have to prove my worth as your soulmate to your dear sister first. I suppose telling her that I've found you across three separate universes won't go over well, huh? She'd probably think I'm crazy. Strike one for me...
[ He puffs out a breath. ]
In fact, I'd probably lose all around when it comes to the sorts of things she'd ask me. I have no family, no home, no real name...probably the only hope I'd ever have of one is if your family adopts me.
[ And as sad as that sounds, Tech doesn't say it in a way where he's feeling sorry for himself. It's just his reality and a reality mixed with a splash of hope. Tech might not have those things, but maybe one day he would. Maybe one day, Jaskier's mother would smile at him and tell him how glad she is he knew her son. Maybe one day, Emmy would soften and see that he and Jaskier made each other better. Maybe one day, he'd get a firm handshake from Jaskier's father (if handshakes are a thing in Jaskier's world -- if not, then a shoulder clasp) and be invited out to fish. Tech doesn't even like fishing, but he'd do it if Jaskier's dad invited him. ]
They sound wonderful. And I know they have to be good people since they all had a hand in raising you.
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[There's a subtle flush in Jaskier's cheeks though when Tech reaches his conclusion. Most would probably tend to disagree with Tech on that one if only because of Jaskier's consistent and constant lack of discipline in... Well, in most domains that seem to matter to most. Not that Jaskier himself would tend to agree, but...! He's just not entirely used to such praise regardless of his tendency to preen and carry on as though he's never done a singular wrong thing in his life. Jaskier clears his throat a little before saying,]
Well, you might want to be careful about telling Emmy as much. She'll either think you're trying to flatter or insult her depending on the mood I've managed to put her in, and neither will really serve you well in impressing her. [Jaskier cuts himself some more twine now that he's selected all of the sprigs of various plants he wants to include in a bunch. It's only then that he seems to have settled enough from the mild shyness to bring his gaze back up to Tech's again. He arranges the sprigs as he continues,] They will adore you though. They'll see what I see and love you, too. It won't matter that you don't entirely fit in.
[Because he won't. It will be impossible for Tech to completely disappear into the fabric of the Continent as though he's always been a part of it because there's simply too much he doesn't know, doesn't possess by virtue of coming from an entirely different world. But it won't matter in the slightest to Jaskier's family, he thinks. Different isn't inherently terrible. That's what they always taught Jaskier.]
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I don't really know what it is you see that you've seen twice, but...thank you.
[ There's a smile, a brief holding of Jaskier's gaze, and then he looks back down at the flimsy start of his wreath. He works on it quietly for a few minutes more before he throws a fit of exaggerated frustration, dropping it onto the table. ]
I can't get the spruce on here right!
[ Lips pinch into a pout because Tech damn well could get the spruce on there fine. He just wants Jaskier to come over, to put his arms around him and guide his hands. Jaskier's been out of kissing distance for at least ten minutes now and that simply is unacceptable! ]
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[Glancing down at his own wreath, Jaskier hides his smile and sets his latest bunch down before placing the wreath back on the table in front of him.]
Let me see it, [Jaskier says, rising out of his seat enough that he can comfortably lean over the table to pick up the offending bunch that purportedly won't cooperate. There's a playful little glint in his eyes when he looks at Tech and instead of fully rising out of his seat, he plops back down to fiddle with the little arrangement. Or at least makes a good show of doing so as it needs about as much fiddling as Tech is incapable of working on his wreath independently. The ruse doesn't last particularly long though. He hardly minds the invitation into Tech's space again even if it's such a flimsy excuse that it's nearly transparent. Jaskier turns in his seat as he's seemingly putting the finishing touches on it to bring it around to Tech. He leans down as if to make for a soothing kiss to Tech's cheek as he's passing it off to Tech, but at the last possible moment, Jaskier instead tickles at Tech's cheek with the small bundle. With a laugh, he teases by saying,] Try this, darling.
[His teasing can only last so long regardless if it's by Jaskier's own choice or because Tech snatches back his spruce. When Jaskier stops, he tries more in earnest for a kiss. Of course, whether or not Tech opts to make that easy for Jaskier after all his nonsense is entirely up to Tech, but Jaskier is more than willing to endure any leaning or shoving without complaint. He's well aware he earned it and he just must remain persistent in the wake of such obstacles and adversity, and that's certainly easy enough given the prize.]
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....tickle his cheek with the spruce? ]
Oh my god, you're the worst!
[ Tech cries, not at all meaning it. His nose turns up as though insulted and he snatches the bundle from Jaskier's hands to remove his 'weapon.' ]
I can't believe you'd torture me like this on Christmas!
[ This is clearly the end of the world! He turns his head away from the follow up attempt to make amends with the kiss, crossing his arms and huffing. ]
I don't think I can ever forgive you.
[ Tech looks at Jaskier in a mockery of seriousness, punctuating the point with a staccato: ]
E. Ver.
[ The price of the offense is steep! Tech maintains a determination to sulk and he takes that sulk with him to the kitchen when the timer goes off -- removing the turkey and setting it atop the stove. While the bird cools, Tech twists around to face Jaskier -- hands braced behind him on the tiny counterspace. This is when the fine is issued, the penalty price Jaskier will have to pay. Tech's posture every bit beckons Jaskier to close the space between them -- maybe even ravish him in the twenty minutes they had before they could eat. The pinched sulk then becomes a challenge, a daring and sultry glance to entice the bard to try his best to make up for his crimes. ]
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[Jaskier's amusement only settles into something else when he glances at Tech in the kitchen again. He says nothing for a moment, simply holding Tech's gaze before he pushes Tech's abandoned chair in with a foot.]
I don't know why you're complaining so much, [he says as he crosses back over into the kitchen. He stops close in front of Tech, leaving little space between them. Lowering his voice, he says,] Torture can be sweet, too, you know.
[Starting at his elbows, Jaskier's hands slid down along his forearms, past his wrists, until he places his hands over Tech's on the edge of the countertop as if to keep them there. As he does, Jaskier leans in close, in a near-kiss as he continues,] Say for example... You won't touch me. Not even if I were to ask or beg you to.
[Ducking his head, Jaskier presses a teasing kiss to Tech's throat, his hands slipping away from Tech's hands to his hips as he finally presses himself close.]
Only if I convince you to forgive me after all. [He kisses Tech's pulse point beneath his jaw as he slips his hands beneath the hem of Tech's sweater to feel at warm skin. Lifting his head again, Jaskier meets Tech's gaze.] What do you say? Will you let me earn your forgiveness?