[ What a question that is. It cuts through him with a cold terror, causes his shoulders to tense beneath that gently moving cloth. ]
N-no!
[ He stammers out, which might mean it's actually a yes. But actually, he doesn't know, and that's the angle he chooses to focus on because it's the easiest one to take rather than focus on saying all the things that might get him hurt or rejected. He just doesn't want to face that pain of rejection so soon again... ]
I wasn't designed for love. I don't understand it, obviously. Look at my track record.
[ His fingers curl into fists, tense and white-knuckled on his lap. ]
I mean, would you ask Obelisk if he was falling in love with you? Isn't that kind of the same thing we got going here? I mean, you and him didn't fuck, but...he served you loyally.
[yeah. that's a yes. but he doesn't make a big deal out of it, just humming as he works the cloth along those wet spots. he really did look human from behind.]
So long as you get the job done, I don't care. It can easily be shut off.
[notably he doesn't insist upon it. he just reminds him: he had the distinct advantage of disabling his own emotions if they ever happened to get in the way. and if he was envious of anything, it was that. because as much as he loved his brother, it would be so much easier if he didn't. if he could shut that off too.]
Whether you were designed for it or not, any admin of mine would definitely decide for themselves.
[ It's a quiet response as though such a thing is unthinkable. To forget Kaiba would be the greatest loss. Because by this point, it would likely be impossible to just mute what he wanted to mute when everything tied in together, emotions and memories intermingled. ]
I couldn't do it. No matter how much it hurts. I couldn't delete the mark you've left on me.
[ Once Kaiba has finished washing him, Tech turns toward him completely, blue eyes searching. ]
But what if it's not that, though?
[ Falling in love. He refuses to say it as though he might curse himself and speak it into existence. He seeks the answers from Kaiba, but figures it's probably hopeless. What does Kaiba know about love either? I'm going to win and make him look up to me. The words repeat in his mind, float over this mysterious him and who or what he means to Kaiba.
Tech lowers his gaze. He can't bring himself to bring that up either. Another time. Maybe. ]
Actually, forget it. I don't want to talk about it. Can I stay?
[so there were feelings involved here. it could be love, it could be affection, it could be something else entirely, but it confirms to kaiba what was already obvious when tech flinched. at least now it doesn't bother him as much at the beginning, when he shrugged him off and insisted that he no interest in such things.
that hasn't changed. there's still no interest. but tech may be getting closer to the truth -- that there was no interest because there was no capability. not anymore.
kaiba doesn't reply. he finishes wiping stickiness from skin, gingerly dabs between his legs then sets the bowl aside. he draws tech into his arms and acts as the big spoon, holding him flush and shutting his eyes. that, more than anything else, was his answer. he could stay. he could stay because he had nowhere else to go, emotionally speaking.
at least he recognizes it this time. tech may have passed his so-called exam, but he was still as flighty as ever.]
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no subject
N-no!
[ He stammers out, which might mean it's actually a yes. But actually, he doesn't know, and that's the angle he chooses to focus on because it's the easiest one to take rather than focus on saying all the things that might get him hurt or rejected. He just doesn't want to face that pain of rejection so soon again... ]
I wasn't designed for love. I don't understand it, obviously. Look at my track record.
[ His fingers curl into fists, tense and white-knuckled on his lap. ]
I mean, would you ask Obelisk if he was falling in love with you? Isn't that kind of the same thing we got going here? I mean, you and him didn't fuck, but...he served you loyally.
[ His eyes veer over his shoulder toward Kaiba. ]
no subject
So long as you get the job done, I don't care. It can easily be shut off.
[notably he doesn't insist upon it. he just reminds him: he had the distinct advantage of disabling his own emotions if they ever happened to get in the way. and if he was envious of anything, it was that. because as much as he loved his brother, it would be so much easier if he didn't. if he could shut that off too.]
Whether you were designed for it or not, any admin of mine would definitely decide for themselves.
no subject
[ It's a quiet response as though such a thing is unthinkable. To forget Kaiba would be the greatest loss. Because by this point, it would likely be impossible to just mute what he wanted to mute when everything tied in together, emotions and memories intermingled. ]
I couldn't do it. No matter how much it hurts. I couldn't delete the mark you've left on me.
[ Once Kaiba has finished washing him, Tech turns toward him completely, blue eyes searching. ]
But what if it's not that, though?
[ Falling in love. He refuses to say it as though he might curse himself and speak it into existence. He seeks the answers from Kaiba, but figures it's probably hopeless. What does Kaiba know about love either? I'm going to win and make him look up to me. The words repeat in his mind, float over this mysterious him and who or what he means to Kaiba.
Tech lowers his gaze. He can't bring himself to bring that up either. Another time. Maybe. ]
Actually, forget it. I don't want to talk about it. Can I stay?
fin~
that hasn't changed. there's still no interest. but tech may be getting closer to the truth -- that there was no interest because there was no capability. not anymore.
kaiba doesn't reply. he finishes wiping stickiness from skin, gingerly dabs between his legs then sets the bowl aside. he draws tech into his arms and acts as the big spoon, holding him flush and shutting his eyes. that, more than anything else, was his answer. he could stay. he could stay because he had nowhere else to go, emotionally speaking.
at least he recognizes it this time. tech may have passed his so-called exam, but he was still as flighty as ever.]