[ Tech falls into silence when Mega speaks again and tells the story of his meeting with Monika. It surprises him that Mega would have harbored anger toward Monika after getting stabbed -- Tech hadn't even been mad about it. Immediately following, they kissed and made up. She cried and asked why she wasn't good enough and at the time he had felt so bad. Even now, when he thinks of that vulnerability, he still feels a twinge -- an ache. And then he thinks of her corpse on the ground and that ache turns sour in his stomach. Being stabbed meant nothing compared to what he had done to her.
But it was different for Mega. Mega had a human body. Mega had no repair module. He had to seek out someone named Elena, who Tech can only assume is a healer. And if it was as serious as the fact that he could have died, then yeah. The anger makes sense. As does the swiftness to forgive with an apology.
He's looking at Mega quietly, a conflicted expression on his face -- somewhere between sympathy and guilt. It all vanishes at the conclusion and the offer. Wait, what? He stares, bewildered. ]
That's not... [ His words come out a little shyer than he expects them to. ] That's not how it works, Mega.
[ Oh what a simple but complicated being Mega is. Tech reaches out a hand and almost, almost lays it on his cheek -- but then he remembers the last time he touched him and that hand simply lingers about an inch from touching skin. So close, the warmth can probably be felt. ]
Don't just offer your boyfriend duties to anyone, okay? They have to be special to you. And right now, I'm happier without a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I need time to process this pain before I'm ready for that kind of commitment again.
[ The hand falls back to his side. ]
You don't have to talk to her about this, either. I think she knows now what she did was wrong when I ended things between me and her. And I hope, if nothing else, she'll learn from this and be a better girlfriend to you.
[The warmth from near contact accomplishes what Technical wants it to do. It's there by proximity, and silently appreciated.]
Elena says that's okay too. To decide to not be in a relationship at all. You can be a boy friend without being a boyfriend. She says that if you want something real with another person, you have to be able to ask questions and talk about things freely. And -- I hope you feel comfortable talking to me as a friend even without those obligations.
But I do have to talk to Monika. If she's hurting you and other people, she needs to stop. You know how hard it can be for us when one of our kind is misguided. It takes time to unlearn the bad habits. I have to make it right again, so everyone can be happy. Not just us.
[Happy endings don't work if they're only happy for a few.]
[ Something softens about his expression -- a touch warm and a touch sad. He wishes he could tell Mega. He wishes he could tell him everything because he really needs to talk about this to someone. He needs someone to tell him it will be okay -- that she'll come back and it will be okay.
But then he recalls Mega's anger when he said I will not kill which later came with the addendum that under the right circumstances, he would kill. And Tech knows his reasoning wouldn't fall under 'the right circumstances.' It had been impulsive, emotional -- something Proto could probably understand. But not Mega. Never Mega.
His eyes veer toward the ceiling as he hunches against the wall. Even when he was literally running on empty for electrical charge, he's never felt this drained before. Emotional exhaustion truly packs a punch.
Lips curve slightly, a pitiful attempt at a smile. The prospect of having a friend (a "boy" friend) is nice. Even if Mega probably offers friendship to everyone so it's nothing real special. It's nice to have someone want to be his friend without him having to fight so hard to prove he's 'cool' though. ]
You know, you don't have to take it on your shoulders to fix other people's problems. Seriously. Worry about yourself. I would have told you when it happened if I felt I needed it fixed. I healed, so it's no big deal. And I don't think she will be doing it to anyone else.
[ He pauses, sucking a hit off his vape pen. ]
Seriously, her other partners are probably smarter than me and don't tell her if they kiss other people. My mistake was honesty.
[Mega would argue that there is no such thing as the right circumstances. His own kills are awful. He deserves to be in Hell for them. His anger comes from the refusal to kill for pettiness. He won't be reduced to someone else's weapon. Killing is a last resort, and even then only to prevent more killing. Necessary at times, but absolutely inexcusable even then.]
Honesty isn't a mistake. It's important to be honest with the people you care about. And if she's been lying to people then she needs to be honest with them too. That's what I need to fix. She needs help to be better with humans. And if she's not doing as well... That's my responsibility.
I'm not a human. Neither are you, bro. Neither is she. So how she treats us doesn't really impact how she's treating actual humans. In fact, I'm sure it's only us who have been on the receiving end of a pointy object in her hands...
[ He pauses, thinks of Hazel, and then amends. ]
....mostly sure. But anyway, point is, I don't want you to get involved on my behalf. If you're going to talk to her, do it for yourself and keep me out of it as much as possible. I just want to put this shit behind me, and I'm sure she does, too. Break ups are fucking....messy. Complicated. Like trying to get rid of a trojan virus, but it's embedded so deep in the hard drive that the pain keeps resurfacing. It's better to not think about it for a while.
[ His hand runs through his hair and he can feel the prickling of a glitch across his neck from all the tension of this -- though maybe it gives credence to the fact that emotions are like malware. He places his hand over his skin to hide the burst of pixels. ]
Y-yeah. I got a guy, a programmer here who can work on it. Maybe? Probably. I don't know. He'll be able to do something. Figure out a solution.
[ Even if it's just help him forget for a while. ]
In the meantime, if she shows up here, I'd appreciate it if you don't let her anywhere near me or my room for a while. Until I'm better.
[ He doesn't think Monika will -- but just in case, he's really not ready to face her. ]
It's good that you have someone that you feel like you can trust. I know they'll help you clean out your system. Does your medicine help with that too? I thought it was supposed to help with bad emotions.
[ the smoke was a little terrifying when they tried it before, but by the end it seemed to settle into the sensations that Technical initially promised. It's a slow-working repair, but it does its job eventually. ]
I'll do my best to keep you apart until you're ready. I'll make sure she doesn't come around anymore. If she wants to see me, I'll go to her instead.
You're a good boy friend as well. And I want to do everything I can to help you recover from your emotional overload. If there's anything you need, please let me know. I'll get it for you, no matter what it is.
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no subject
But it was different for Mega. Mega had a human body. Mega had no repair module. He had to seek out someone named Elena, who Tech can only assume is a healer. And if it was as serious as the fact that he could have died, then yeah. The anger makes sense. As does the swiftness to forgive with an apology.
He's looking at Mega quietly, a conflicted expression on his face -- somewhere between sympathy and guilt. It all vanishes at the conclusion and the offer. Wait, what? He stares, bewildered. ]
That's not... [ His words come out a little shyer than he expects them to. ] That's not how it works, Mega.
[ Oh what a simple but complicated being Mega is. Tech reaches out a hand and almost, almost lays it on his cheek -- but then he remembers the last time he touched him and that hand simply lingers about an inch from touching skin. So close, the warmth can probably be felt. ]
Don't just offer your boyfriend duties to anyone, okay? They have to be special to you. And right now, I'm happier without a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I need time to process this pain before I'm ready for that kind of commitment again.
[ The hand falls back to his side. ]
You don't have to talk to her about this, either. I think she knows now what she did was wrong when I ended things between me and her. And I hope, if nothing else, she'll learn from this and be a better girlfriend to you.
no subject
Elena says that's okay too. To decide to not be in a relationship at all. You can be a boy friend without being a boyfriend. She says that if you want something real with another person, you have to be able to ask questions and talk about things freely. And -- I hope you feel comfortable talking to me as a friend even without those obligations.
But I do have to talk to Monika. If she's hurting you and other people, she needs to stop. You know how hard it can be for us when one of our kind is misguided. It takes time to unlearn the bad habits. I have to make it right again, so everyone can be happy. Not just us.
[Happy endings don't work if they're only happy for a few.]
no subject
But then he recalls Mega's anger when he said I will not kill which later came with the addendum that under the right circumstances, he would kill. And Tech knows his reasoning wouldn't fall under 'the right circumstances.' It had been impulsive, emotional -- something Proto could probably understand. But not Mega. Never Mega.
His eyes veer toward the ceiling as he hunches against the wall. Even when he was literally running on empty for electrical charge, he's never felt this drained before. Emotional exhaustion truly packs a punch.
Lips curve slightly, a pitiful attempt at a smile. The prospect of having a friend (a "boy" friend) is nice. Even if Mega probably offers friendship to everyone so it's nothing real special. It's nice to have someone want to be his friend without him having to fight so hard to prove he's 'cool' though. ]
You know, you don't have to take it on your shoulders to fix other people's problems. Seriously. Worry about yourself. I would have told you when it happened if I felt I needed it fixed. I healed, so it's no big deal. And I don't think she will be doing it to anyone else.
[ He pauses, sucking a hit off his vape pen. ]
Seriously, her other partners are probably smarter than me and don't tell her if they kiss other people. My mistake was honesty.
no subject
Honesty isn't a mistake. It's important to be honest with the people you care about. And if she's been lying to people then she needs to be honest with them too. That's what I need to fix. She needs help to be better with humans. And if she's not doing as well... That's my responsibility.
no subject
[ He pauses, thinks of Hazel, and then amends. ]
....mostly sure. But anyway, point is, I don't want you to get involved on my behalf. If you're going to talk to her, do it for yourself and keep me out of it as much as possible. I just want to put this shit behind me, and I'm sure she does, too. Break ups are fucking....messy. Complicated. Like trying to get rid of a trojan virus, but it's embedded so deep in the hard drive that the pain keeps resurfacing. It's better to not think about it for a while.
[ Tech shrugs. ]
It's what I'm gonna try to do anyway.
no subject
Is there cleaner software you can run? You can't let a virus stay unchecked. It could hurt you really badly later on.
no subject
Y-yeah. I got a guy, a programmer here who can work on it. Maybe? Probably. I don't know. He'll be able to do something. Figure out a solution.
[ Even if it's just help him forget for a while. ]
In the meantime, if she shows up here, I'd appreciate it if you don't let her anywhere near me or my room for a while. Until I'm better.
[ He doesn't think Monika will -- but just in case, he's really not ready to face her. ]
no subject
[ the smoke was a little terrifying when they tried it before, but by the end it seemed to settle into the sensations that Technical initially promised. It's a slow-working repair, but it does its job eventually. ]
I'll do my best to keep you apart until you're ready. I'll make sure she doesn't come around anymore. If she wants to see me, I'll go to her instead.
no subject
It helps some. I got a strong tolerance, so it's not as effective as it could be. But yeah, I'll definitely be using it.
[ And maybe harder things if it comes down to it. ]
But thanks, Mega. You really do make a great boy [ pause, period, full stop ] friend.
[ The curve of a smile edges his lips. ]
I just hope...
[ ...that Mega doesn't hate him when he finds out the truth. His words veer off and the smile turns sad. ]
I just hope for the best. For you.
no subject
You're a good boy friend as well. And I want to do everything I can to help you recover from your emotional overload. If there's anything you need, please let me know. I'll get it for you, no matter what it is.