[ The day we met Jaskier says, and Tech looks at him as though to say bullshit. But like in all matters of the heart, Jaskier approaches it with sincerity. The look behind his eyes insists a truth and his words only go on to further build a case for it. Speaking about the song he first sang and that moment just before -- that had been the spark. And Tech had felt it, too. Not enough to claim it was love, but it was something. Inspiration. A well to draw on for Jaskier and his endless thirst for music.
His eyes linger on the lute resting on his lap. Maybe that was the moment Tech fell in love. When he swore he would get Jaskier's lute back for him and then, well, did it. He looks up again when his hand is taken, watching Jaskier plant these small kisses on his knuckles. In those subtle and tiny gestures of affection, Tech loves Jaskier the most. His whole life had been spent starved of affection, keeping to himself, isolated and alone. Jaskier doesn't hesitate to touch him and Tech trusts him to. His trusts Jaskier's hands to always be tender. He trusts calloused fingertips to know him in ways no one else ever really has. Even though it opens him up to be hurt in many ways, it's a relief to finally find someone in all of the world and in all of Penance he can trust so freely.
And Tech found two people like that. He truly is lucky.
A smile curves when Jaskier touches his face and speaks of his playing. Tech leans into it, not so subtly soaking up the warmth of that hand on his cheek. And then he returns the kiss that follows, lashes flicking open as lips purse a peck to the thumb tracing them. Then Jaskier shifts gears and pokes his nose, ruining all that romance. Tech scoffs and bats his hand away like shooing a pesky fly. ]
I didn't think I was worth a song!
[ He protests in jest as the reason he didn't notice, but then the truth and sadness of those words dawn on him. He really hadn't thought he was worth a song. He spent all that time rationalizing reasons why Jaskier wouldn't write one for him or about him, he never stopped to see the truth or piece together the puzzle that pointed to the opposite of his beliefs. Gods could be and often were wrong. He'll own that. He should have paid more attention or been less self-deluded. And more than that, he should have just trusted Jaskier's love.
But trust is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. Especially not when the music box has been so damaged. He watches Jaskier play, memorizing the positioning of his fingers and rather than give him the opportunity to stop the momentum of the song or further comfort and coddle him, Tech shakes his head to add: ]
But I'm starting to...
[ Starting to see his worth, starting to see how he could inspire, starting to accept that someone could love him enough to write something from the heart. Monika had before Jaskier -- she wrote him countless poems that he dismissed as just cute little gestures and ways she expressed her romantic inclinations. He didn't let her poems sink in the way Jaskier's song did, and after his and Monika's volatile end, he wrote her works all off as bullshit. But maybe it would be a good idea to revisit them now because he still has them. All of them. He couldn't bear to throw them away even if the angry part of him wanted to -- wanted to rip all of Monika's existence out of his life. But maybe now, going back and reading her words, he could find something of value within him -- the good parts that inspired her, not the bad parts that destroyed her. And maybe now, he can find a way to be all the good parts -- to be all that Jaskier believes he can be.
So for now, Tech settles in to listen again, to receive this private and personal concert. And in spite of how the tears touch his eyes, he smiles his way through it this time. Tech only wishes Jaskier had spent more time on his part in it. Yes, the song is about the music box. Yes, Jaskier has made it known that he's the one telling the story and his feelings about said music box. But something gets a little lost because Jaskier fails to mention he's the final piece in putting it all back together -- restoring it to something far better than it could have been without him. Jaskier is the crank, the wind up dial in the back, the key. Without him, Tech would never have been able to be more than simply a music box. Without him, all the pieces might have been put back together by Ava, but he still couldn't play.
He wipes the tears from his eyes with a single swipe of his index finger on each side, and in the conclusion, when Jaskier sets the lute aside -- Tech kisses him. He kisses him and he doesn't stop until they've entangled themselves in lovemaking for the entire rest of the day. Often times, Tech could take sex or leave it. After their initial coupling, it had been pretty infrequent because he figures Jaskier can get sex from elsewhere. Tech also can't shake the feeling that he's doing something he shouldn't be -- that he's being selfish and should allow Jaskier and Ava time to get here first. But in the face of such overwhelming love, Tech can think of nothing else but a desire to be close to him -- as close as two people possibly can be. And Tech loves him, over and over again until they're both absolutely and pleasantly spent.
There would be more songs. Tech knows this now. He also knows a bard is supposed to be more of a witness rather than an active participant in their music for the most part. But if Jaskier wants to share everything, then he can share in the story. This story is theirs to tell together. A duet. And if Jaskier doesn't want to sing his part, well then....Tech will tell it in his own way, through his own music. A song without lyrics can be just as telling and emotional as one with words. And through Tech's song maybe, finally, this little music box can write its own music. It had permission to shatter the rules, yes, but it was still kept within certain parameters -- still forced to compose in the style of Bach. Jaskier is and has always been Tech's key to the freedom he's always craved.
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His eyes linger on the lute resting on his lap. Maybe that was the moment Tech fell in love. When he swore he would get Jaskier's lute back for him and then, well, did it. He looks up again when his hand is taken, watching Jaskier plant these small kisses on his knuckles. In those subtle and tiny gestures of affection, Tech loves Jaskier the most. His whole life had been spent starved of affection, keeping to himself, isolated and alone. Jaskier doesn't hesitate to touch him and Tech trusts him to. His trusts Jaskier's hands to always be tender. He trusts calloused fingertips to know him in ways no one else ever really has. Even though it opens him up to be hurt in many ways, it's a relief to finally find someone in all of the world and in all of Penance he can trust so freely.
And Tech found two people like that. He truly is lucky.
A smile curves when Jaskier touches his face and speaks of his playing. Tech leans into it, not so subtly soaking up the warmth of that hand on his cheek. And then he returns the kiss that follows, lashes flicking open as lips purse a peck to the thumb tracing them. Then Jaskier shifts gears and pokes his nose, ruining all that romance. Tech scoffs and bats his hand away like shooing a pesky fly. ]
I didn't think I was worth a song!
[ He protests in jest as the reason he didn't notice, but then the truth and sadness of those words dawn on him. He really hadn't thought he was worth a song. He spent all that time rationalizing reasons why Jaskier wouldn't write one for him or about him, he never stopped to see the truth or piece together the puzzle that pointed to the opposite of his beliefs. Gods could be and often were wrong. He'll own that. He should have paid more attention or been less self-deluded. And more than that, he should have just trusted Jaskier's love.
But trust is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. Especially not when the music box has been so damaged. He watches Jaskier play, memorizing the positioning of his fingers and rather than give him the opportunity to stop the momentum of the song or further comfort and coddle him, Tech shakes his head to add: ]
But I'm starting to...
[ Starting to see his worth, starting to see how he could inspire, starting to accept that someone could love him enough to write something from the heart. Monika had before Jaskier -- she wrote him countless poems that he dismissed as just cute little gestures and ways she expressed her romantic inclinations. He didn't let her poems sink in the way Jaskier's song did, and after his and Monika's volatile end, he wrote her works all off as bullshit. But maybe it would be a good idea to revisit them now because he still has them. All of them. He couldn't bear to throw them away even if the angry part of him wanted to -- wanted to rip all of Monika's existence out of his life. But maybe now, going back and reading her words, he could find something of value within him -- the good parts that inspired her, not the bad parts that destroyed her. And maybe now, he can find a way to be all the good parts -- to be all that Jaskier believes he can be.
So for now, Tech settles in to listen again, to receive this private and personal concert. And in spite of how the tears touch his eyes, he smiles his way through it this time. Tech only wishes Jaskier had spent more time on his part in it. Yes, the song is about the music box. Yes, Jaskier has made it known that he's the one telling the story and his feelings about said music box. But something gets a little lost because Jaskier fails to mention he's the final piece in putting it all back together -- restoring it to something far better than it could have been without him. Jaskier is the crank, the wind up dial in the back, the key. Without him, Tech would never have been able to be more than simply a music box. Without him, all the pieces might have been put back together by Ava, but he still couldn't play.
He wipes the tears from his eyes with a single swipe of his index finger on each side, and in the conclusion, when Jaskier sets the lute aside -- Tech kisses him. He kisses him and he doesn't stop until they've entangled themselves in lovemaking for the entire rest of the day. Often times, Tech could take sex or leave it. After their initial coupling, it had been pretty infrequent because he figures Jaskier can get sex from elsewhere. Tech also can't shake the feeling that he's doing something he shouldn't be -- that he's being selfish and should allow Jaskier and Ava time to get here first. But in the face of such overwhelming love, Tech can think of nothing else but a desire to be close to him -- as close as two people possibly can be. And Tech loves him, over and over again until they're both absolutely and pleasantly spent.
There would be more songs. Tech knows this now. He also knows a bard is supposed to be more of a witness rather than an active participant in their music for the most part. But if Jaskier wants to share everything, then he can share in the story. This story is theirs to tell together. A duet. And if Jaskier doesn't want to sing his part, well then....Tech will tell it in his own way, through his own music. A song without lyrics can be just as telling and emotional as one with words. And through Tech's song maybe, finally, this little music box can write its own music. It had permission to shatter the rules, yes, but it was still kept within certain parameters -- still forced to compose in the style of Bach. Jaskier is and has always been Tech's key to the freedom he's always craved.
If only he can just be brave enough to try.... ]