this is why i keep saying i'm thankful you ripped out my heart....i needed something like that to wake me up
now i appreciate everything more. i think about the feelings of others more. [ Well. For the most part. ] you improved so much about me....
[ But all those improvements helped other relationships. Now she didn't really have a chance to be better with him. It all came too late. At least she had her Hellburbia memories? Maybe it was enough? ]
i wish you were the first person i met in hell a lot
if only because you could have experienced the love of lovemaking without needing the pain.
i still hate henry a little bit for ruining it all for you like that
[ But the one who will ruin it for her most of all? That's the one she's with. Tech knows the pain that got inflicted on him that he didn't ask for -- that he didn't necessarily want, but got conditioned to expect. It's no wonder in the wake of Seto Kaiba, Tech had to do a hard reset and not fuck for a while. But Monika? She'll ask for it and he will give it to her. And further and further, she'll be corrupted into thinking she needs more pain to go with her pleasure.
It's a sad thing to think about, but only reinforces his thought now, that he would never be enough for her. He'd never be able to satisfy her. ]
[ Probably because she was ashamed. Jealous. Caught up in so many feelings of what it meant to be like someone she hated. Yuri forever haunts her, even though she's long gone. ]
the seed for that sort of thing was planted before i ever got here. he just helped it grow a lot faster
i'm better, but i'm still broken zeus. probably way too broken to fix...
i'm sorry....
[ A slight delay follows, then: ]
i should let you be
sorry again
bye
[ Because it's hurting too much to keep thinking of what could've been, especially with someone she could never be with. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
now i appreciate everything more. i think about the feelings of others more. [ Well. For the most part. ] you improved so much about me....
[ But all those improvements helped other relationships. Now she didn't really have a chance to be better with him. It all came too late. At least she had her Hellburbia memories? Maybe it was enough? ]
i wish you were the first person i met in hell a lot
things would've been better
i know it
no subject
if only because you could have experienced the love of lovemaking without needing the pain.
i still hate henry a little bit for ruining it all for you like that
[ But the one who will ruin it for her most of all? That's the one she's with. Tech knows the pain that got inflicted on him that he didn't ask for -- that he didn't necessarily want, but got conditioned to expect. It's no wonder in the wake of Seto Kaiba, Tech had to do a hard reset and not fuck for a while. But Monika? She'll ask for it and he will give it to her. And further and further, she'll be corrupted into thinking she needs more pain to go with her pleasure.
It's a sad thing to think about, but only reinforces his thought now, that he would never be enough for her. He'd never be able to satisfy her. ]
no subject
[ Probably because she was ashamed. Jealous. Caught up in so many feelings of what it meant to be like someone she hated. Yuri forever haunts her, even though she's long gone. ]
the seed for that sort of thing was planted before i ever got here. he just helped it grow a lot faster
i'm better, but i'm still broken zeus. probably way too broken to fix...
i'm sorry....
[ A slight delay follows, then: ]
i should let you be
sorry again
bye
[ Because it's hurting too much to keep thinking of what could've been, especially with someone she could never be with. ]