[ There's a long stretch of nothing for a while. She's thinking a lot, which is actually good for once. ]
i don't know how to live normally anymore
[ What a weird thing to admit. But it's true. ]
i just do whatever it takes to be happy.....
after we broke up i didn't know what else to do to keep from spiraling, so i started going after whatever might give me a little of it, even more than i used to
but take it from a guy who has done a whole lot of fucking drugs to escape his problems.....
what buys you happiness for a moment won't last forever. sometimes you need the escape or crutch, but also sometimes you need to sit in your hurt to understand that you don't gotta go to extremes to be happy
like surely when you're playing music, things seem normal for a little while, right? and you're happy. i mean, you seem happy when you play.
your new place have a piano or keyboard or something? i think kaiba's is still floating around in hellburbia. needs a good cleaning, but if you can con some demons into moving it over for you, you can have your own place to create music
[ And yeah. Maybe he'll be bummed that she's not coming to his house anymore to play, but also it's not about him. It's about Monika finding some kind of balance in her life again. ]
[ Again, no immediate responses. It's been a long, long time since she's had someone tell her to, you know, calm down with the crazy. She honestly can't remember the last time someone did so. ]
i guess at least i've stopped with drinking too much champagne?? lol....
maybe i've gotten too used to extremes??? but you're right. whenever i can write music or play it, it reminds me of a time when i had a real goal. when i had something to look forward to
hmm.....
i could probably ask for a piano, or at least a keyboard for portability. i don't think i'd want kaiba's....it'd be too weird to use that one
yours is really nice though. i like the way it sounds
[ And the memories that came with it, but she probably shouldn't say anything about that. ]
i can't constantly bother you to use yours though so....yeah i should probably look into getting my own
i'm starting to run out of romance novels at the library anyway hahaha
you can bother me. you can bother me as many times as you want. ava's not here ALL the time. even when she is, food's not so easy to get out this way, so she'll usually have to go back to the hotel to grab a meal. i mean, i got SOME things and
omg 😂😂😂😂 wanna hear something funny?
i've been trying to BAKE. yeah i know. that's a fucking hilarious mental image. like the shit is turning out *fine* because it's simple for me to follow the steps in a recipe and get things measured out precisely, but idk how to tweak recipes to make them taste better so it's either bland or like too salty. i have yet to find that sweet spot
but like it's easier to get the ingredients to make something instead of getting the actual bread from the kitchen. less time i gotta spend working it off just to feed these dumb humans that stay at my house sometimes 🙄🙄🙄
lol but anyway, i went off on a tangent there. point is, i don't mind whenever you wanna stop by and play. but also, i think it'd be really nice if you could get a keyboard in your own place because i think that would give you something good to channel your thoughts into?
people don't tend to get pissed off enough to kill you over a song.
......usually.
[ Some people definitely had some hair pin triggers with their anger. ]
[ She's excitedly typing out an acceptance of his offer...but then she frowns. There's something building in her chest, a familiar feeling of wrongness. Of sneaking behind people's backs, being selfish, ignoring how her actions might affect relationships...
Slowly, she sighs, then clears out everything she'd typed. Boundaries, she reminds herself. ]
the god of technology is trying to bake??? wow 😜
but to be serious.....
i'd rather you talked to ava about this first. if she's fine with it, then i'll come over at times that work for the both of you
[ Right. Ava. Because talking about things is why they work so well. And sometimes Tech still gets swept up in the things he wants to do without thinking of the consequences -- how she might be uncomfortable with Monika's presence in his life again. Granted, he doesn't think Ava would ever try to control him to a point of telling him who he could and couldn't hang out with -- but it might start to breed an insecurity in her and he doesn't want that. ]
yeah. you're right. i know you're right.
i'll ask her.
and i mean, who knows. maybe there's a chance you and her could get along in the end.
i mean if you're interested in that....
i don't wanna force you into something uncomfortable
[ Speaking of uncomfortable partners.... ]
i *am* making an effort with kaiba, btw.
it's not easy, but i guess forgiveness never is....
[ He says she's right, but part of her still secretly wished he'd be the bad guy and tell her eff the rules, come over anyway! Then at least she wouldn't have to feel as guilty. But. Again. Growth and all that. ]
yeah, maybe we could
[ Which is about all she's going to say about getting along with Ava. ]
and it's nice to hear you're trying with kaiba....
[ Should she type this? She shouldn't type this. She-- ]
if i had working on his system with you to look forward to again, life would be perfect
[ --typed it. Crap. Talk about forcing someone into something uncomfortable! ]
lol sorry, i shouldn't joke about that!!! i know you're probably going someplace else after this, which you should
sooo yeah! if you wanna see me, you know where i am now. just text me if you're stopping by 💕💕
[ Because it's time to do what she does best: run like the wind. ]
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no subject
ummm.....i'd have to think about it......
[ Which is to say, she has a lot of situations to sort through before she could decide if any of them are "simple." ]
look!! i know it seems bad, but it really isn't!!! these things are minor and i've handled worse, so i'm not worried
....well minus the trying to kill you thing, but i ended up in a fight with a demon so that solved itself before it could get super bad
the point is, even with all this going on....i really am happy! like....you're talking to me again
if i have to deal with a million crazy months from now on, at least i've got that. simple enough for me ☺️
no subject
i mean, that's sweet of you to say and all but i'd still be talking to you if you had a million normal months too
i'm not going anywhere
so you don't gotta go to such extreme measures to chase some happiness. and you should probably take it easy on pissing off the wrong people here.
no subject
i don't know how to live normally anymore
[ What a weird thing to admit. But it's true. ]
i just do whatever it takes to be happy.....
after we broke up i didn't know what else to do to keep from spiraling, so i started going after whatever might give me a little of it, even more than i used to
i don't think i can stop....
no subject
but take it from a guy who has done a whole lot of fucking drugs to escape his problems.....
what buys you happiness for a moment won't last forever. sometimes you need the escape or crutch, but also sometimes you need to sit in your hurt to understand that you don't gotta go to extremes to be happy
like surely when you're playing music, things seem normal for a little while, right? and you're happy. i mean, you seem happy when you play.
your new place have a piano or keyboard or something? i think kaiba's is still floating around in hellburbia. needs a good cleaning, but if you can con some demons into moving it over for you, you can have your own place to create music
[ And yeah. Maybe he'll be bummed that she's not coming to his house anymore to play, but also it's not about him. It's about Monika finding some kind of balance in her life again. ]
no subject
i guess at least i've stopped with drinking too much champagne?? lol....
maybe i've gotten too used to extremes??? but you're right. whenever i can write music or play it, it reminds me of a time when i had a real goal. when i had something to look forward to
hmm.....
i could probably ask for a piano, or at least a keyboard for portability. i don't think i'd want kaiba's....it'd be too weird to use that one
yours is really nice though. i like the way it sounds
[ And the memories that came with it, but she probably shouldn't say anything about that. ]
i can't constantly bother you to use yours though so....yeah i should probably look into getting my own
i'm starting to run out of romance novels at the library anyway hahaha
no subject
omg 😂😂😂😂 wanna hear something funny?
i've been trying to BAKE. yeah i know. that's a fucking hilarious mental image. like the shit is turning out *fine* because it's simple for me to follow the steps in a recipe and get things measured out precisely, but idk how to tweak recipes to make them taste better so it's either bland or like too salty. i have yet to find that sweet spot
but like it's easier to get the ingredients to make something instead of getting the actual bread from the kitchen. less time i gotta spend working it off just to feed these dumb humans that stay at my house sometimes 🙄🙄🙄
lol but anyway, i went off on a tangent there. point is, i don't mind whenever you wanna stop by and play. but also, i think it'd be really nice if you could get a keyboard in your own place because i think that would give you something good to channel your thoughts into?
people don't tend to get pissed off enough to kill you over a song.
......usually.
[ Some people definitely had some hair pin triggers with their anger. ]
no subject
Slowly, she sighs, then clears out everything she'd typed. Boundaries, she reminds herself. ]
the god of technology is trying to bake??? wow 😜
but to be serious.....
i'd rather you talked to ava about this first. if she's fine with it, then i'll come over at times that work for the both of you
i'm not trying to create any problems for you two
[ Look at all this GROWTH. Ugh, it hurts... ]
no subject
yeah. you're right. i know you're right.
i'll ask her.
and i mean, who knows. maybe there's a chance you and her could get along in the end.
i mean if you're interested in that....
i don't wanna force you into something uncomfortable
[ Speaking of uncomfortable partners.... ]
i *am* making an effort with kaiba, btw.
it's not easy, but i guess forgiveness never is....
no subject
yeah, maybe we could
[ Which is about all she's going to say about getting along with Ava. ]
and it's nice to hear you're trying with kaiba....
[ Should she type this? She shouldn't type this. She-- ]
if i had working on his system with you to look forward to again, life would be perfect
[ --typed it. Crap. Talk about forcing someone into something uncomfortable! ]
lol sorry, i shouldn't joke about that!!! i know you're probably going someplace else after this, which you should
sooo yeah! if you wanna see me, you know where i am now. just text me if you're stopping by 💕💕
[ Because it's time to do what she does best: run like the wind. ]