[ He took a risk and it paid off. He had nothing to lose. And now she's talking to him again, perhaps sooner than she would have had this incident not occurred, but it's amazing how much turning into a monster can put everything into perspective. ]
can you come over? I'd leave my room but I feel too much like shit to go anywhere and I wanna see you I can leave my door unlocked
[ She's currently typing this from her hiding spot - under the covers of her bed. It says a lot about her mental state when she's choosing to stay in bed after spending so many years stuck in one at the orphanage. ]
if you want me to, i'm there. and if you need someone to stay with you for a while, i can do that, too.
[ He'll pack a bag and stay for however many days she'd like. He knows far too well that gnawing feeling of loneliness. And he especially knows the dark place one's mind goes to right after murdering someone a person cares about. Kaiba had pulled Tech through his dark place, and he'll do his damnedest to pull Ava through hers. ]
listen to me, ava. no one deserves to be alone. especially not you.
[ She's not sure how long she wants him to stay for. She wants to take each day it comes...
But one thing she's sure of is she needs to see if he's okay in person and he's already seen her at her worst, so it doesn't matter if she looks as bad as she feels right now, her face stained with tears. ]
I want you here no drugs, okay? just you
[ She doesn't want that temptation right now, as much as she knows it could make her feel better. Drugs won't do her any good, but seeing Tech will. ]
[ As hard as it is to part from his vape pen, he'll leave it behind for her sake. ]
OMW
[ Tech doesn't spend the typical time making himself look better so his hair's a bit disheveled and he's wearing a simple pair of jeans and a simple T-shirt -- at least by his standards. A pair of fingerless gloves cover his palms, not because they're in terrible shape -- but because the injury isn't healing so fast. It never does in hell when they're fatal wounds. It'll get there. For now, he'd rather not get the questions about the scars.
After a moment, he knocks lightly to announce his presence before letting himself in -- trailing toward the lump on the bed. ]
Hey. See? All in one piece. And I'm pretty sober, so I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass.
[ She's suddenly a ball of nerves as she waits for Tech. What if she hurt him more than she remembers? What if he was actually angry over what happened and wanted to return the favor?
No. He wouldn't do that. That was with Monika. He's different with you.
Popping her head out from under the covers, she feels a wave of relief seeing Tech look like his usual self - until she notices his hands. She's never seen him wear gloves before. He's obviously covering them up for a reason...
From what I did.
The pounding sound of nails she hammered through his palms lingers at the back of her mind and it's enough to make her want to burst into a fresh wave of tears. She tries to keep it together in front of Tech, but it's hard not to feel a myriad of emotions in his presence right now. Relief, guilt, longing... ]
I'm sorry. [ She was saving this apology for in person, not that it feels like it's enough. ] I'm so fucking sorry...
[ Tech approaches the bed because it's agony to not be directly next to her. Especially when she's hurting. Especially when she seems to feel so guilty over this. He sinks onto the mattress and reaches a hand out to cup the side of her face, thumb gracing cheek bone. ]
It wasn't you. I'm not upset about it. So you got nothing to apologize for.
[ In some ways, he deserved it, hadn't he? For what he had done to Monika. For all the shitty things he had done here. ]
I could have run. I had runes from Loki, I had the means of escape...but I chose to stay. There's not a whole lot I wouldn't do for you.
[ Because this? This is real. It took a whole lot, but finally. Finally he's found something real. And that's worth fighting for. That's worth dying for. ]
[ Ava leans her cheek into his gloved palm. Even after hearing what he did to Monika, she's not afraid of him. She still trusts him. This place clearly brings out the worst in everyone, herself included. She wants to believe that the wrathful side Tech had spoken of was as fleeting as Ava's monstrous side in the fog. They were both gone now.
This is the real Ava, just a lonely girl who wants to be loved, who doesn't give a shit about God, who makes dumb jokes and curses too much. And this is the real Tech, an actual god, who's always been kind to her, who makes her feel normal when she wants to be a normal girl getting high with a boy she likes, but also makes her feel special when she's embracing her powers. After everything that's happened - him revealing his past with Monika, the fog - she feels closer to him now. All the misery that led up to this point feels worth it now. ]
You were kind of a dumbass for staying, you know that, right? [ She manages a smile, and the fact that she's teasing him is a good sign. ] But I think as far as romantic gestures go, you did good.
[ She rewards him with a hug to start with, wanting to make up for every brutal touch against him by giving him warmth and lots of it. Eventually she pulls back to meet his gaze. ]
You know what sucks more than Hell? Not seeing you. [ Time apart from him had been hard. ] I'm over it - what you did, I get it now. Fuck our pasts. I just wanna be with you.
[ He shrugs at her tease with a stupid grin of his own. Yeah, it for sure has to go at the top of the 'dumbass things' he's done in hell. But there's a part of him that's better for it -- a part of him that could have easily chosen selfishness and self-preservation yet fought against old impulses. For her.
She wraps him in her arms and a breath escapes him. Finally. Finally he gets to feel her closeness again. It's amazing how quickly a piece of him felt like it was missing without her. After Monika, he swore he wouldn't do another relationship. But things with Ava are different, aren't they? Because Ava understands being alone. Ava understands having a power and others trying to use her for it. Ava understands wanting freedom and being bound by some 'duty.' The world sucks, and he and Ava just want to be free from it. Truly kindred spirits.
Her confession constricts his lungs, not because of what she said but because of what he's about to say -- what he's about to do. Something he never thought he would again, heading to a vulnerable place and opening himself up to the sort of hurt that's worse than nails driven through palms and suspending all of his body weight. ]
So, then...
[ He swallows. ]
You wanna do this thing like....forreal? You wanna be my girl?
[ Maybe it's better without the label. Maybe it's easier. But it's high time to stop running from it. After all they've gone through together, a label is the least they could give themselves. ]
[ It's funny that even with how close they've been getting, Ava is somehow still surprised by what he's asking. Good things don't happen to Ava. And not only that, he's asking her to be his girl after she crucified him and while she looks frankly awful, in her opinion. It's enough to make her brain short-circuit for a second. ]
Wait, what? Really?
[ And before he gets the wrong idea and thinks she's so surprised because the thought has never crossed her mind - ]
Sorry, I just - I really wasn't expecting this when I texted you to come over. I mean, you can see me right now, right? I didn't blind you in the fog too, did I? I look a wreck and even after everything I did you still want me and—
[ She's ruining this by rambling so much, she needs to stop. She's just going to climb onto his lap and settle her arms around his shoulders. ]
I kind of feel like I already am. Your girl. Forreal. [ She adds with the tiniest of snorts. ] So... does this make you my god now? [ Is that how this works??? ]
After everything, you think how you look is gonna be the deterrent here?
[ Shaking his head, he laughs -- shifting to allow her space on his lap. His arm casually encircles her back, fingers resting on the swell of her hip. ]
You look fine. Bee tee double yew. Beautiful even.
[ Especially now that she's crawled out of the den of despair and seems happier. Her smiles are contagious and act like the novacaine for his nerves. Yeah. This won't be so bad. He can do this again. It will be different this time. He's learned from his mistakes. ]
I mean, if you gotta be worshipping any gods, I'm gonna hope it's me. But fuck. I can just be your guy. I'm good with that.
[ His smile slips and he leans his forehead to hers. If they're going to make this work, it has to start by being upfront and honest. And there is one last thing he needs to tell her. If she stayed after hearing about what he had done to Monika, he has hopes she'll stay after hearing this. ]
There is one more thing you should probably know -- before we get official official. Remember those stupid marriages they did months ago at Mammon's castle? The ones where they drew names out of a hat and forced people into marriage? Well, I was one of them. And the girl I married is still here. Her name is Hazel, and she's a fucking trip. She's basically like my best friend in this place. You'd love her. She's wild.
[ He clears his throat. Probably best not to talk up Hazel too much until he gets the temperature of Ava's feelings on the matter. ]
Point is...it's not a serious thing. But it is a thing. And hopefully not a deal breaker thing. Honestly, I don't even remember half the time which is why it's never come up sooner.
[ When he puts it like that, she feels ridiculous for even mentioning her appearance. ]
I guess when I imagined this moment, I didn't picture myself feeling gross after crying for an hour.
[ She half-laughs, half-sniffles, but feels less gross when Tech calls her beautiful. She's come to learn romance in real life isn't like it is in the movies with the perfect setting and ambience. They're in hell of all places, but she's managed to find something special with Tech.
She goes quiet as he reveals there's something else she ought to know, mentally preparing herself for the worst, if there's anything worse than what he did to Monika...
She knows he had no choice in the marriage - like every other person who went through that - and that's probably why it doesn't upset her as much as a secret marriage by choice would have. Sure she wishes he'd mentioned it sooner, but if he says he often forgets it happened, it doesn't feel like a big deal.
She still remembers the spot she hit him with her clawed hand in the fog and strokes that part of his cheek with her thumb, grateful he managed to heal quickly from that. ] I mean, as long as you're not thinking about her when we kiss, I think I can live with the fact that you were forcibly married to your best friend.
[ Or thinking about anyone else for that matter because despite how insecure she is, she thinks she deserves to be with someone who only thinks about her when they're with her. ]
And while we're talking about marriage... I don't want you to even think about proposing to me, okay? No offence, it's just... not what I'm looking for right now. [ He respects the fact that maybe he was that serious about Monika that he wanted to marry her as soon as possible, but Ava's only just begun living her life. The idea of being engaged to anyone at her age terrified her. ]
[ And with that, everything is out on the table. Nothing left to hide. Somehow after everything, she's still here. Ava, who is definitely way too good for him, is still here -- still willing to stay by his side. Tech doesn't deserve her, but now that he has her, he's not going to let her go. A smile inches across his lips and he leans against her touch on his cheek, turning to kiss her fingertips. ]
I promise I'm not about to propose any time in the near future. Especially not in hell. So you're good.
[ In spite of already being married, marriage is not a thing he wants either. It's questionable whether he actually wanted it with Monika or if he was simply trying to trap her the best way he knew how. ]
Also, there's no way I could think about anyone else when I'm around you. You're just too fucking cute. You take up all the brain space. Is that another one of your super powers, superchick? Enchanting poor, helpless gods. When you meet Loki, you better keep the enchanting to a minimum.
[ She notes with a bashful smile that he doesn't say he'll never propose, almost sounding like he wouldn't rule it out completely one day if they ever escaped hell together like their original plan. Hopefully he hadn't changed his mind about that... ]
You still wanna find another world for us to be together? [ Maybe that goes without saying after he just asked her to be official with him, but hearing a confirmation would reassure her that they still want the same thing.
She can feel her stomach fluttering from his lips brushing her fingers and she laughs softly at him. ] I think my superpower must be enchanting dorks. [ Because he can try to be cool with that vape pen of his but there's no escaping how much of a dork he is, at least around her. ]
Maybe that's what I'll call you instead of my guy... My dork. [ She keeps on smiling at him, then tilts her head and leans in, seeking out his mouth with hers. ]
Wow. You think I'm gonna wanna kiss you after you calling me a dork?
[ He pushes his index finger against her lips. ]
I'm the epitome of trendy and cool, yanno! Get with modern times, babe.
[ A smile breaks through his face. ]
Just playing.
[ He removes the finger barrier so she can reach his lips and leans in to close the distance because the kiss is first priority. And what a relief it is to kiss her again after the uncertainty that had been their past month. He keeps it light, keeps is gentle and romantic. Their first kiss as an official couple has to be sweet! And after a moment, he parts ways -- skimming fingers along her cheek. ]
And to answer your question, hell yeah I wanna find another world for us. I got a prospect. How do you feel about Japan?
[ She's not expecting the finger to her lips and they form a pout at being denied what she wants at first, but she's soon smiling again when they finally kiss. As imperfect as the situation has been between them, the kiss feels perfect and she's grateful for Tech not pushing it too far when all she wants to do is hide back under the covers but with him holding her. ]
Not being allowed to call you a dork is a dealbreaker for me, by the way. Sorry. [ She grins at him. ]
How do I feel about Japan? Hmm, well, I've never been there, like everywhere else in the world. So obviously I'd love to go... and you probably know Japanese, right? [ Because Tech seems to know everything because of that godly tech brain of his. ] So you'd have to teach me.
[ She rubs noses with him. ] What's Japanese for 'I wanna cuddle'?
[ Yes, she's right. He does know Japanese and basically every language thanks to all that language translating software floating around. And he certainly takes the hint, encircling her in his arms and dropping back onto the mattress. ]
Should we return to your blanket fort?
[ A half-cocked smile is flashed. ]
But yeah...Japan. I'm not banking on this option entirely. Especially because the guy who tossed it on the table is descending further and further into demonhood. I'm not sure he's ever really gonna make it out of here to be fair. But there would be a great opportunity waiting us there, and I'd be rich enough to show you every place in the world. Even those shitty third world countries if you'd really wanna see them.
[ Dakishimetai. She likes how that rolls off the tongue. And she likes it even more that Tech has so much knowledge to offer. She's never had the experience of being able to google whatever she needs to know on the internet so it's kind of cool that she has a guy in her life who can answer random questions. ]
We should build an epic blanket fort and get high one day. Or would it be more fun the other way round? [ She laughs and pecks his cheek, then moves to crawl back under the covers, leaving enough room for him to join her. She shifts on her side to face him. ]
I could get a job so I wouldn't be leeching off you... I kinda did waitressing once? And I didn't completely suck at it. [ Point is, if Tech becoming rich didn't work out, she'd be willing to work to fund their traveling. ]
Wherever we end up has to be new for the both of us. [ That was her one condition and the problem with her and JC - nowhere was a first for him. Try as he might, he wouldn't share that same excitement from visiting a country for the first time. She'd be alone in that feeling... and she didn't want to feel alone in anything anymore. ]
Speaking of demonhood... [ She chews on her lower lip worriedly. ] Do you think I'll start to change after what I did? [ She's paranoid she's going to wake up with a tail tomorrow. Or grow those same claws she had in the fog... She shudders and burrows her face in his chest, feeling sick again. ]
Dunno. We'll have to try both ways. Like a science experiment, test our blanket fort hypotheses.
[ He worms his way beneath the covers with her -- letting hell and the world disappear until it's just the two of them in dark, stuffy proximity. An arm drapes around her, knuckles brushing across the side of her rib cage to the dip of her waist and curve of her hip then back up. The offer to waitress is cute, but no girl of his is going to have to bust their ass to pay the bills! Tech could easily hack an ATM in the worst case scenario... ]
Unless we're going to the States, everywhere will be new to me. So you don't gotta worry there.
[ He could list off every street in every country. He could recite every tourist destination. He could give a detailed history from every place in the world, but it still doesn't change the fact that he had never stepped foot out of the US. And if he did, he would cease to exist. Within his world anyway. Same rules don't apply in other worlds. They haven't in Penance. They won't wherever he and Ava go.
The comments about changing are sobering, however. A part of him always worried he was the factor that caused people to change. It happened with Monika and it happened with Kaiba. Hopefully it wouldn't happen with Ava. His brows draw together in thought. ]
I can't be a hundred percent sure, but I will say I don't know anyone who's started to change who hasn't brought it on themselves. Meaning, they made bad choices and kept making those choices in spite of knowing they're wrong. Cheating or hurting others, hooking up with demons, getting off on violence. None of those apply to what happened to you because you're here, feeling remorse. You were under the influence of something out of your control, and the real you wouldn't do anything like that.
[ He stops his soothing caresses to instead wrap his arms around her and draw her into his chest. ]
I imagine you and I also have a degree of protection from that. I'm a god, something divine. And you have the halo. [ He touches the center of her back where the halo resides. ] Burning gloriously -- keeping you from being infected by demonic influence. It'll protect you.
[ In the dark, it's easy to pretend they haven't already made it to the other world they're aiming to reach one day, that they're just sharing a bed in a hotel after exploring the sights of Tokyo, exhausted but satisfied from another day of adventures. In the dark, she has everything she could possibly want with Tech, and nobody from their pasts is haunting them. In the dark, they're hidden from anyone who could tear them apart.
Her eyes flutter shut at how he manages to calm her just by using the back of his fingers. ] I make a cute waitress. Just sayin'. [ She mumbles against his shirt before she lifts her head with a more sober expression to hear his thoughts on demonic changes. She wishes he could give her an answer he's certain of the way he translated something into Japanese for her moments before. Still, his theory gives her hope. ]
I hope you're right. [ She's grateful for what the halo has done for her, but she's tired of her body being manipulated by others. First a holy warrior, next a monster? ] I think I'd rather die than become a demon...
[ She reaches for one of Tech's gloved hands around her and holds it between them. Part of her wants to pull off the fabric so she can see the damage she did, but the other part of her is too scared of where her mind will go if she sees his palms too soon. ]
They're still bad, aren't they? [ That's why he covered them up. Would he be forever scarred because of her? She lets her lips graze his exposed knuckles. ] Someday, I want to feel your hands again. Every inch of them.
[ She'd make a cute anything, not just a waitress. He smiles, shaking his head. Honestly, she'd probably make a cute demon, too. But he prefers her with all her humanity -- no horns, no fangs, no claws, no tails. Just a girl who isn't falling prey to the corruption of this place. Just a girl with messy hair and no makeup under the blankets with him. Just a girl he could see himself waking up with in the morning just like this. ]
Even if somehow you start to change, we'll find a way to reverse it. If you do good things, if you avoid sinning -- the changes will revert.
[ His eyes veer toward their hands, fingers curling into hers -- reassuring her there's no pain. ]
They're not bad. It's mostly healed. Just some scarring on the fronts and backs. [ Maybe this isn't what she wants to hear, but he says it anyway. ] The nails went through clean, so the damage is minimal. I just didn't think it was something you wanted to see.
But c'mon. I could totally rock the fingerless glove look, right? Bring it back into style. Ooo, maybe get some LED lights for the knuckles. They'd flash every time I make a fist. That'd be cool in the club after dropping some acid.
[ He says they're not bad but they still sound bad to her. Scarring equals bad.Very bad. Forever bad. And he was smart to cover them up because Ava is feeling particularly sensitive at the moment.
She starts to laugh at his Pimp My Gloves moment, only to realize he sounds serious about wearing something that only sounds acceptable at a rave. ]
I must really like you if I'd be willing to be seen with you wearing those gloves. [ And it's only the beginning of recognizing his eccentric fashion sense. ] But of course you'd rock that look, babe. [ She smiles at him sweetly before planting a soft kiss against his lips, then snuggles into his side. ]
If I fall asleep, will you still be here when I wake up? [ She's scared this might all be a dream and she'll wake up to him hating her. ]
[ He bops her nose with his index finger, though shifts to allow her closer. Them and their blanket fort, protected from the outside world. She must be tired. Considering how she looked when he first arrived with tear swollen eyes, she probably spent a long while post-fog ruminating over the things she had done with very little sleep in between. Compounded by the fact that the monster probably hadn't slept in her pursuit of sinners to 'purify,' Ava needed her rest.
This time, there are no nightmares plaguing the land. This time, she can sleep to her heart's content. They don't need to pop tablet after tablet of Frenzy. They can just relax. ]
I will be here. I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere any time soon. Sucks to be you.
[ He says with a hint of mirth. Though before she's asleep completely, he tosses an idea out ]
You should consider moving in with me and Mega. We got two extra rooms. You don't have to be alone anymore.
[ Her legs entangle with his and she's already halfway there to nodding off when he suggests moving in with him, though it's the name that astounds her more than the invitation itself. ]
How mega is he? [ She sniggers into his chest before falling into quiet consideration at his offer. ]
You should probably ask Mega first... but it's a nice idea. [ Having someone right next door... and probably phasing straight through the wall to see them at any random moment, giving them a heart attack. ] It does get lonely here...
It's....he's kinda a robot. But also not really. Hell made him human in everything except mind. So yeah, it's a weird name....but that's not the weirdest thing about him. Like, apparently he still believes in Santa Claus. Which, I'm not gonna ruin for him. Saint Nick is kinda real in my world, so there's some truth to it.
[ He leans over to press a soft kiss to Ava's temple. He thinks about mentioning Mega being one of Monika's other boyfriends but refrains. Another time for that story. It's not important now. He and Ava are the future so he'd rather focus on her than anything in his past. ]
I'll ask him about you, though. He's gonna say yes. So I'd say just start packing up some things. Unless you'd rather I move in here? You and I having full run of the room would be fucking great...
I'll bear that in mind whenever I meet him. [ Note to self: don't make Mega cry by denying the existence of Santa in front of him. ] You can tell Saint Nick he owes me twelve years of Christmas presents, by the way.
[ Christmas was never about presents at the orphanage, or good food, or decorating a tree, or ice skating. It was always about God. And Ava never deserved presents for her "bad" behavior so she never got any. Not that she'd want one from Sister Frances. The only gift she ever gave Ava was poison. ]
If Mega's your friend, I wouldn't want him to be alone instead of me... As much as I'd like you all to myself. [ She leans up to kiss his chin. ] I'm trying to work on removing selfishness from the list of my sins.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
can you come over?
I'd leave my room but I feel too much like shit to go anywhere and I wanna see you
I can leave my door unlocked
[ She's currently typing this from her hiding spot - under the covers of her bed. It says a lot about her mental state when she's choosing to stay in bed after spending so many years stuck in one at the orphanage. ]
I know I deserve to be alone right now but please
no subject
[ He'll pack a bag and stay for however many days she'd like. He knows far too well that gnawing feeling of loneliness. And he especially knows the dark place one's mind goes to right after murdering someone a person cares about. Kaiba had pulled Tech through his dark place, and he'll do his damnedest to pull Ava through hers. ]
listen to me, ava. no one deserves to be alone. especially not you.
no subject
But one thing she's sure of is she needs to see if he's okay in person and he's already seen her at her worst, so it doesn't matter if she looks as bad as she feels right now, her face stained with tears. ]
I want you here
no drugs, okay?
just you
[ She doesn't want that temptation right now, as much as she knows it could make her feel better. Drugs won't do her any good, but seeing Tech will. ]
no subject
[ As hard as it is to part from his vape pen, he'll leave it behind for her sake. ]
OMW
[ Tech doesn't spend the typical time making himself look better so his hair's a bit disheveled and he's wearing a simple pair of jeans and a simple T-shirt -- at least by his standards. A pair of fingerless gloves cover his palms, not because they're in terrible shape -- but because the injury isn't healing so fast. It never does in hell when they're fatal wounds. It'll get there. For now, he'd rather not get the questions about the scars.
After a moment, he knocks lightly to announce his presence before letting himself in -- trailing toward the lump on the bed. ]
Hey. See? All in one piece. And I'm pretty sober, so I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass.
[ He flashes a crooked smile. ]
no subject
No. He wouldn't do that. That was with Monika. He's different with you.
Popping her head out from under the covers, she feels a wave of relief seeing Tech look like his usual self - until she notices his hands. She's never seen him wear gloves before. He's obviously covering them up for a reason...
From what I did.
The pounding sound of nails she hammered through his palms lingers at the back of her mind and it's enough to make her want to burst into a fresh wave of tears. She tries to keep it together in front of Tech, but it's hard not to feel a myriad of emotions in his presence right now. Relief, guilt, longing... ]
I'm sorry. [ She was saving this apology for in person, not that it feels like it's enough. ] I'm so fucking sorry...
no subject
[ Tech approaches the bed because it's agony to not be directly next to her. Especially when she's hurting. Especially when she seems to feel so guilty over this. He sinks onto the mattress and reaches a hand out to cup the side of her face, thumb gracing cheek bone. ]
It wasn't you. I'm not upset about it. So you got nothing to apologize for.
[ In some ways, he deserved it, hadn't he? For what he had done to Monika. For all the shitty things he had done here. ]
I could have run. I had runes from Loki, I had the means of escape...but I chose to stay. There's not a whole lot I wouldn't do for you.
[ Because this? This is real. It took a whole lot, but finally. Finally he's found something real. And that's worth fighting for. That's worth dying for. ]
no subject
This is the real Ava, just a lonely girl who wants to be loved, who doesn't give a shit about God, who makes dumb jokes and curses too much. And this is the real Tech, an actual god, who's always been kind to her, who makes her feel normal when she wants to be a normal girl getting high with a boy she likes, but also makes her feel special when she's embracing her powers. After everything that's happened - him revealing his past with Monika, the fog - she feels closer to him now. All the misery that led up to this point feels worth it now. ]
You were kind of a dumbass for staying, you know that, right? [ She manages a smile, and the fact that she's teasing him is a good sign. ] But I think as far as romantic gestures go, you did good.
[ She rewards him with a hug to start with, wanting to make up for every brutal touch against him by giving him warmth and lots of it. Eventually she pulls back to meet his gaze. ]
You know what sucks more than Hell? Not seeing you. [ Time apart from him had been hard. ] I'm over it - what you did, I get it now. Fuck our pasts. I just wanna be with you.
no subject
She wraps him in her arms and a breath escapes him. Finally. Finally he gets to feel her closeness again. It's amazing how quickly a piece of him felt like it was missing without her. After Monika, he swore he wouldn't do another relationship. But things with Ava are different, aren't they? Because Ava understands being alone. Ava understands having a power and others trying to use her for it. Ava understands wanting freedom and being bound by some 'duty.' The world sucks, and he and Ava just want to be free from it. Truly kindred spirits.
Her confession constricts his lungs, not because of what she said but because of what he's about to say -- what he's about to do. Something he never thought he would again, heading to a vulnerable place and opening himself up to the sort of hurt that's worse than nails driven through palms and suspending all of his body weight. ]
So, then...
[ He swallows. ]
You wanna do this thing like....forreal? You wanna be my girl?
[ Maybe it's better without the label. Maybe it's easier. But it's high time to stop running from it. After all they've gone through together, a label is the least they could give themselves. ]
no subject
Wait, what? Really?
[ And before he gets the wrong idea and thinks she's so surprised because the thought has never crossed her mind - ]
Sorry, I just - I really wasn't expecting this when I texted you to come over. I mean, you can see me right now, right? I didn't blind you in the fog too, did I? I look a wreck and even after everything I did you still want me and—
[ She's ruining this by rambling so much, she needs to stop. She's just going to climb onto his lap and settle her arms around his shoulders. ]
I kind of feel like I already am. Your girl. Forreal. [ She adds with the tiniest of snorts. ] So... does this make you my god now? [ Is that how this works??? ]
no subject
[ Shaking his head, he laughs -- shifting to allow her space on his lap. His arm casually encircles her back, fingers resting on the swell of her hip. ]
You look fine. Bee tee double yew. Beautiful even.
[ Especially now that she's crawled out of the den of despair and seems happier. Her smiles are contagious and act like the novacaine for his nerves. Yeah. This won't be so bad. He can do this again. It will be different this time. He's learned from his mistakes. ]
I mean, if you gotta be worshipping any gods, I'm gonna hope it's me. But fuck. I can just be your guy. I'm good with that.
[ His smile slips and he leans his forehead to hers. If they're going to make this work, it has to start by being upfront and honest. And there is one last thing he needs to tell her. If she stayed after hearing about what he had done to Monika, he has hopes she'll stay after hearing this. ]
There is one more thing you should probably know -- before we get official official. Remember those stupid marriages they did months ago at Mammon's castle? The ones where they drew names out of a hat and forced people into marriage? Well, I was one of them. And the girl I married is still here. Her name is Hazel, and she's a fucking trip. She's basically like my best friend in this place. You'd love her. She's wild.
[ He clears his throat. Probably best not to talk up Hazel too much until he gets the temperature of Ava's feelings on the matter. ]
Point is...it's not a serious thing. But it is a thing. And hopefully not a deal breaker thing. Honestly, I don't even remember half the time which is why it's never come up sooner.
no subject
I guess when I imagined this moment, I didn't picture myself feeling gross after crying for an hour.
[ She half-laughs, half-sniffles, but feels less gross when Tech calls her beautiful. She's come to learn romance in real life isn't like it is in the movies with the perfect setting and ambience. They're in hell of all places, but she's managed to find something special with Tech.
She goes quiet as he reveals there's something else she ought to know, mentally preparing herself for the worst, if there's anything worse than what he did to Monika...
She knows he had no choice in the marriage - like every other person who went through that - and that's probably why it doesn't upset her as much as a secret marriage by choice would have. Sure she wishes he'd mentioned it sooner, but if he says he often forgets it happened, it doesn't feel like a big deal.
She still remembers the spot she hit him with her clawed hand in the fog and strokes that part of his cheek with her thumb, grateful he managed to heal quickly from that. ] I mean, as long as you're not thinking about her when we kiss, I think I can live with the fact that you were forcibly married to your best friend.
[ Or thinking about anyone else for that matter because despite how insecure she is, she thinks she deserves to be with someone who only thinks about her when they're with her. ]
And while we're talking about marriage... I don't want you to even think about proposing to me, okay? No offence, it's just... not what I'm looking for right now. [ He respects the fact that maybe he was that serious about Monika that he wanted to marry her as soon as possible, but Ava's only just begun living her life. The idea of being engaged to anyone at her age terrified her. ]
Anything else? [ Or can they finally kiss? ]
no subject
I promise I'm not about to propose any time in the near future. Especially not in hell. So you're good.
[ In spite of already being married, marriage is not a thing he wants either. It's questionable whether he actually wanted it with Monika or if he was simply trying to trap her the best way he knew how. ]
Also, there's no way I could think about anyone else when I'm around you. You're just too fucking cute. You take up all the brain space. Is that another one of your super powers, superchick? Enchanting poor, helpless gods. When you meet Loki, you better keep the enchanting to a minimum.
[ Tech wags a playful finger at her. Tsk, tsk. ]
no subject
You still wanna find another world for us to be together? [ Maybe that goes without saying after he just asked her to be official with him, but hearing a confirmation would reassure her that they still want the same thing.
She can feel her stomach fluttering from his lips brushing her fingers and she laughs softly at him. ] I think my superpower must be enchanting dorks. [ Because he can try to be cool with that vape pen of his but there's no escaping how much of a dork he is, at least around her. ]
Maybe that's what I'll call you instead of my guy... My dork. [ She keeps on smiling at him, then tilts her head and leans in, seeking out his mouth with hers. ]
no subject
[ He pushes his index finger against her lips. ]
I'm the epitome of trendy and cool, yanno! Get with modern times, babe.
[ A smile breaks through his face. ]
Just playing.
[ He removes the finger barrier so she can reach his lips and leans in to close the distance because the kiss is first priority. And what a relief it is to kiss her again after the uncertainty that had been their past month. He keeps it light, keeps is gentle and romantic. Their first kiss as an official couple has to be sweet! And after a moment, he parts ways -- skimming fingers along her cheek. ]
And to answer your question, hell yeah I wanna find another world for us. I got a prospect. How do you feel about Japan?
no subject
Not being allowed to call you a dork is a dealbreaker for me, by the way. Sorry. [ She grins at him. ]
How do I feel about Japan? Hmm, well, I've never been there, like everywhere else in the world. So obviously I'd love to go... and you probably know Japanese, right? [ Because Tech seems to know everything because of that godly tech brain of his. ] So you'd have to teach me.
[ She rubs noses with him. ] What's Japanese for 'I wanna cuddle'?
no subject
[ Yes, she's right. He does know Japanese and basically every language thanks to all that language translating software floating around. And he certainly takes the hint, encircling her in his arms and dropping back onto the mattress. ]
Should we return to your blanket fort?
[ A half-cocked smile is flashed. ]
But yeah...Japan. I'm not banking on this option entirely. Especially because the guy who tossed it on the table is descending further and further into demonhood. I'm not sure he's ever really gonna make it out of here to be fair. But there would be a great opportunity waiting us there, and I'd be rich enough to show you every place in the world. Even those shitty third world countries if you'd really wanna see them.
no subject
We should build an epic blanket fort and get high one day. Or would it be more fun the other way round? [ She laughs and pecks his cheek, then moves to crawl back under the covers, leaving enough room for him to join her. She shifts on her side to face him. ]
I could get a job so I wouldn't be leeching off you... I kinda did waitressing once? And I didn't completely suck at it. [ Point is, if Tech becoming rich didn't work out, she'd be willing to work to fund their traveling. ]
Wherever we end up has to be new for the both of us. [ That was her one condition and the problem with her and JC - nowhere was a first for him. Try as he might, he wouldn't share that same excitement from visiting a country for the first time. She'd be alone in that feeling... and she didn't want to feel alone in anything anymore. ]
Speaking of demonhood... [ She chews on her lower lip worriedly. ] Do you think I'll start to change after what I did? [ She's paranoid she's going to wake up with a tail tomorrow. Or grow those same claws she had in the fog... She shudders and burrows her face in his chest, feeling sick again. ]
no subject
[ He worms his way beneath the covers with her -- letting hell and the world disappear until it's just the two of them in dark, stuffy proximity. An arm drapes around her, knuckles brushing across the side of her rib cage to the dip of her waist and curve of her hip then back up. The offer to waitress is cute, but no girl of his is going to have to bust their ass to pay the bills! Tech could easily hack an ATM in the worst case scenario... ]
Unless we're going to the States, everywhere will be new to me. So you don't gotta worry there.
[ He could list off every street in every country. He could recite every tourist destination. He could give a detailed history from every place in the world, but it still doesn't change the fact that he had never stepped foot out of the US. And if he did, he would cease to exist. Within his world anyway. Same rules don't apply in other worlds. They haven't in Penance. They won't wherever he and Ava go.
The comments about changing are sobering, however. A part of him always worried he was the factor that caused people to change. It happened with Monika and it happened with Kaiba. Hopefully it wouldn't happen with Ava. His brows draw together in thought. ]
I can't be a hundred percent sure, but I will say I don't know anyone who's started to change who hasn't brought it on themselves. Meaning, they made bad choices and kept making those choices in spite of knowing they're wrong. Cheating or hurting others, hooking up with demons, getting off on violence. None of those apply to what happened to you because you're here, feeling remorse. You were under the influence of something out of your control, and the real you wouldn't do anything like that.
[ He stops his soothing caresses to instead wrap his arms around her and draw her into his chest. ]
I imagine you and I also have a degree of protection from that. I'm a god, something divine. And you have the halo. [ He touches the center of her back where the halo resides. ] Burning gloriously -- keeping you from being infected by demonic influence. It'll protect you.
no subject
[ In the dark, it's easy to pretend they haven't already made it to the other world they're aiming to reach one day, that they're just sharing a bed in a hotel after exploring the sights of Tokyo, exhausted but satisfied from another day of adventures. In the dark, she has everything she could possibly want with Tech, and nobody from their pasts is haunting them. In the dark, they're hidden from anyone who could tear them apart.
Her eyes flutter shut at how he manages to calm her just by using the back of his fingers. ] I make a cute waitress. Just sayin'. [ She mumbles against his shirt before she lifts her head with a more sober expression to hear his thoughts on demonic changes. She wishes he could give her an answer he's certain of the way he translated something into Japanese for her moments before. Still, his theory gives her hope. ]
I hope you're right. [ She's grateful for what the halo has done for her, but she's tired of her body being manipulated by others. First a holy warrior, next a monster? ] I think I'd rather die than become a demon...
[ She reaches for one of Tech's gloved hands around her and holds it between them. Part of her wants to pull off the fabric so she can see the damage she did, but the other part of her is too scared of where her mind will go if she sees his palms too soon. ]
They're still bad, aren't they? [ That's why he covered them up. Would he be forever scarred because of her? She lets her lips graze his exposed knuckles. ] Someday, I want to feel your hands again. Every inch of them.
no subject
Even if somehow you start to change, we'll find a way to reverse it. If you do good things, if you avoid sinning -- the changes will revert.
[ His eyes veer toward their hands, fingers curling into hers -- reassuring her there's no pain. ]
They're not bad. It's mostly healed. Just some scarring on the fronts and backs. [ Maybe this isn't what she wants to hear, but he says it anyway. ] The nails went through clean, so the damage is minimal. I just didn't think it was something you wanted to see.
But c'mon. I could totally rock the fingerless glove look, right? Bring it back into style. Ooo, maybe get some LED lights for the knuckles. They'd flash every time I make a fist. That'd be cool in the club after dropping some acid.
no subject
She starts to laugh at his Pimp My Gloves moment, only to realize he sounds serious about wearing something that only sounds acceptable at a rave. ]
I must really like you if I'd be willing to be seen with you wearing those gloves. [ And it's only the beginning of recognizing his eccentric fashion sense. ] But of course you'd rock that look, babe. [ She smiles at him sweetly before planting a soft kiss against his lips, then snuggles into his side. ]
If I fall asleep, will you still be here when I wake up? [ She's scared this might all be a dream and she'll wake up to him hating her. ]
no subject
[ He bops her nose with his index finger, though shifts to allow her closer. Them and their blanket fort, protected from the outside world. She must be tired. Considering how she looked when he first arrived with tear swollen eyes, she probably spent a long while post-fog ruminating over the things she had done with very little sleep in between. Compounded by the fact that the monster probably hadn't slept in her pursuit of sinners to 'purify,' Ava needed her rest.
This time, there are no nightmares plaguing the land. This time, she can sleep to her heart's content. They don't need to pop tablet after tablet of Frenzy. They can just relax. ]
I will be here. I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere any time soon. Sucks to be you.
[ He says with a hint of mirth. Though before she's asleep completely, he tosses an idea out ]
You should consider moving in with me and Mega. We got two extra rooms. You don't have to be alone anymore.
no subject
[ Her legs entangle with his and she's already halfway there to nodding off when he suggests moving in with him, though it's the name that astounds her more than the invitation itself. ]
How mega is he? [ She sniggers into his chest before falling into quiet consideration at his offer. ]
You should probably ask Mega first... but it's a nice idea. [ Having someone right next door... and probably phasing straight through the wall to see them at any random moment, giving them a heart attack. ] It does get lonely here...
no subject
[ He leans over to press a soft kiss to Ava's temple. He thinks about mentioning Mega being one of Monika's other boyfriends but refrains. Another time for that story. It's not important now. He and Ava are the future so he'd rather focus on her than anything in his past. ]
I'll ask him about you, though. He's gonna say yes. So I'd say just start packing up some things. Unless you'd rather I move in here? You and I having full run of the room would be fucking great...
no subject
[ Christmas was never about presents at the orphanage, or good food, or decorating a tree, or ice skating. It was always about God. And Ava never deserved presents for her "bad" behavior so she never got any. Not that she'd want one from Sister Frances. The only gift she ever gave Ava was poison. ]
If Mega's your friend, I wouldn't want him to be alone instead of me... As much as I'd like you all to myself. [ She leans up to kiss his chin. ] I'm trying to work on removing selfishness from the list of my sins.
(no subject)
(no subject)