Thank you for sharing your experience. And for the advice. In my case, I believe that may mean submitting to my base programming.
[ Instead of actively resisting it, as he's been doing. A frightening thought because that could also mean returning to being the subservient machine he was designed to be. But if it helps him in the way Tech is describing, it will be worth the risk.
And because Tech speaking of his past problems has thankfully opened the door to it... ] How are you holding up, yourself?
it might be that through submitting, you could find a way to alter it, too. and i promise if you needed me to, i would help pull you out. i can't do much for the people i care about these days, but i could at least do that.
[ How is he doing? Poorly, it seems. But he doesn't give voice to it. K doesn't need to be subjected to his hopelessness. And he certainly doesn't need to hear about his drug fueled escapism. Eventually Tech will get over it. In the meantime, he'll just exist. ]
I don't expect I'll ever be capable of deliberately altering myself like that, but I appreciate your faith in me. I worry if I return to being the slave humans designed me to be, I won't want you to pull me out. It's difficult to describe how insidious the programming can be. How hard it's been to loosen its stranglehold even this much...
[ He's sad when Tech chooses to not even answer him, maybe doesn't trust him enough to share that kind of vulnerability with him, but he'll respect the decision... while attempting to offer what comfort he can from a distance that feels more than just physical between them. ]
I always need you, you know. Not just for things like this. And if you ever need me, I'd like the chance to be there for you, too.
if you give me permission now as you are, i would completely ignore whatever protests you'd make later and draw you back out. system restore you to this point, so to speak. because i'd know what your heart truly wants. i'd know how you're the happiest. and it sure as shit ain't as a slave to humanity.
[ The second part of what K says, though, Tech has to sit with for a moment longer. To hold those words, to cherish them, and for a few moments to have some kind of hope that they might have a say in how things are in this shitty place. ]
i brought it on myself, yanno. i compared me and jaskier to orpheus and eurydice. then he came back older and all i could do was look back at the past. i looked back and he got ripped away from me. i did this. i fucked it up because i keep not seeing what's right in front of me all along.
but i do see you. i see what you're doing here...and how this is a veiled way of checking in on me. i appreciate it all. that's why i vow i won't let you lose yourself if you decide to aggressively pursue the root cause of the migraines.
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[ Instead of actively resisting it, as he's been doing. A frightening thought because that could also mean returning to being the subservient machine he was designed to be. But if it helps him in the way Tech is describing, it will be worth the risk.
And because Tech speaking of his past problems has thankfully opened the door to it... ] How are you holding up, yourself?
cw: drug use mention
[ How is he doing? Poorly, it seems. But he doesn't give voice to it. K doesn't need to be subjected to his hopelessness. And he certainly doesn't need to hear about his drug fueled escapism. Eventually Tech will get over it. In the meantime, he'll just exist. ]
no subject
[ He's sad when Tech chooses to not even answer him, maybe doesn't trust him enough to share that kind of vulnerability with him, but he'll respect the decision... while attempting to offer what comfort he can from a distance that feels more than just physical between them. ]
I always need you, you know. Not just for things like this. And if you ever need me, I'd like the chance to be there for you, too.
no subject
[ The second part of what K says, though, Tech has to sit with for a moment longer. To hold those words, to cherish them, and for a few moments to have some kind of hope that they might have a say in how things are in this shitty place. ]
i brought it on myself, yanno. i compared me and jaskier to orpheus and eurydice. then he came back older and all i could do was look back at the past. i looked back and he got ripped away from me. i did this. i fucked it up because i keep not seeing what's right in front of me all along.
but i do see you. i see what you're doing here...and how this is a veiled way of checking in on me. i appreciate it all. that's why i vow i won't let you lose yourself if you decide to aggressively pursue the root cause of the migraines.